DD hates her name and surname

@bonzaitree , if you change your name as an adult, you will still get people calling you by your old name. People you were at school with, or who knew you as a child, will probably still use the old name, or will refer to you as 'Sophia, the one who used to be called Sheila' , or whatever.

Then they can change it when they’re an adult of course.

It’s teen angst that she will get over in three years or won’t. If she gets over it she gets over it. If she doesn’t she changes it. It’s not forever!

So do you know why she dislikes the names? Talk to her about it. The story as you've told it here makes it sound like you couldn't think of a name so you gave her an essentially meaningless name just because you liked the sound of it. It looks as though she might be searching for an identity to root herself in. She has a surname which is (probably) belonging to a non-resident father, and a first name that was chosen for her almost randomly. That might not be why she dislikes the names, but it would help if you could talk to her about it calmly and get her to articulate why she hates them so much. If she can't voice exactly why, then looking at the names she would prefer to use might give you an insight into what's going on.

In Spain, the normal practice is to have both your mother and father's names as a double barrelled surname so everyone has this and they have a system for it: only the (grand)father's name gets passed on each time. So Mike Smith Jones and Jenny Browne Greene have a child called Robert Smith Browne; separately, James Stuart Craig and Elizabeth Taylor Williams have a child called Sophie Stuart Williams. Robert and Sophie's child will be called Louise Smith Stuart. So the child has both his/her grandfather's names, the mother's name only gets passed down one generation. So it doesn't actually get around the inherent sexism of taking the father's name, just alleviates it a little.

In the past few years, having the father's name first (so the one which will get passed on) is no longer the law, families can choose to have either one first. But it's the first one which gets passed on. And if you only call someone by a short form of the surname, it would always be the first one (except informally). Legally, all siblings have to have the same name order (so you can't alternate between Smith Stuart and Stuart Smith).

Taylor
Rhianna
Arianna
Christina
Alicia
Gwen
Mariah
Katy
Kelly
Bodyform
Dove/Dave
Vagisil

So she has the same name as a famous American singer, and a product named after its designer/inventor. Pretty acceptable and normal, but not super common (your words).

Are you certain she's not getting picked on?

You chose the name. Who else would she blame? It's not she came with a label and you had to call her that.

Is it Vagisil?

I always hated my full first name but liked the short version, my parents never used the full version anyway! The shorter first name has a very different 'vibe' to the full one. My middle name was also awful and I cannot remember a time in my life when I liked either of them. I always said that I'd change them by deed poll when I was 18 but for some reason - probably too much pressure from my parents that it would be weird and strange - I never bothered. I also stupidly took my (now) exh surname.

Roll on many years and I was divorced, my passport and driving licence needed renewal and I'd just moved house so I decided in my mid-40's to finally do it. I officially changed my first name to the shorter one (that everyone apart from the doctors called me), dropped my middle name completely and went double barrelled with my surname. Still not sure if I shouldn't have just gone straight back to my family name but the kids were teens and I still wanted a link to their names somehow. Anyway, I'm really glad I made the change and wish I'd done it when I was younger.

I think to the adoptive parents, not kind to his wife and children, to carry on their family name

What a ridiculous thread if you won't reveal them name just cryptic clues about a product with the same name and a famous American singer with the same name!

No one knows your surname so we can't actually identify you by revealing what is, by your own admission, a perfectly normal name.

my two surnames... She likes those two surnames and I think she will add them by deed pool later which is what I was trying to ask but I think you thought I was being rude

So it was out of appreciation for being adopted maybe?

But what is 'kind' about, in your own words, 'lumbering' your children with a terrible name that you all hate? Just seems a really bizarre decision.

Probably as he was being kind. It was obviously his surname… as he is adopted, but as the years have gone by- and he has been more hurt etc…he has thought about losing that part of his identity?

OK that was all I was asking, I'd she associated it with a parent she didn't like and wanted a more obvious one to the parent she did like - you.

If you're happy for her to change it, let her trial one before it's formal.

Re blaming you, she's a teenager, that's par to the course isn't it? She'll get over it and realise how hard it is if she ever had her own kids

@lovelilies , I had the offending first name removed at age 18. There was nothing wrong with it other than it was just an ordinary fairly unremarkable name.
It was something like Isla Christina Surname, where Isla Surname sounds slightly silly, as other schoolkids were quick to point out. Now I'm older the Christina has got shortened to Chris so much that I've got used to it, but I don't really like Chris Surname.

Isla and Christina used as examples, not the real name.

I'm sure their children can make that decision for themselves when they grow up. My children have both of our names and they can choose for themselves whatever they want to do as adults. Perhaps they will just keep their own names. It would be a lot simpler if everyone did that.

@BloodAndFire
Even Brooklyn Beckham and his wife double-barrelled both of their names.

That's fine for the first generation what does Mr Beckham Bloggs do when he marries Mrs Smith, tack Smith on to the end, offend one of his parents and ditch their name? And become Boggs Smith
There is a baby name thread with a Mum in that scenario, three surnames is too many

Thank you 🥹 it's a big deal!

Accept the things you cannot change- and change the things you can! 🫶🏼 it's not too late for you, I know a woman who did it in her forties

Ah thank you 🙂

@Chocolateismyfavourite , you sound a lovely mum too.

@lovelilies , if only my parents had been like you. You did the right thing.

My 16 year old DD went through a few years of not liking her name and wanting to change it. Because it's a little unusual and boys were not being very nice at school ( year 6 and 7 in particular) I told her if she still felt the same when she was older and wanted to change it she could. Last few years she's not mentioned it at all, and even said at Christmas she loves her name, wich I'm pleased about because obviously I love it, but if she'd been really unhappy with it Id have helped her change it.