DD hates her name and surname

I have a friend who grew up really hating both her names. they were normal, nice names nothing tied to anything else and no matter how many times we told her this, it made no difference. she decided that when she left school and before going to Uni she would take a different first name that she liked and that this was the perfect time to do it as she would be meeting a whole new bunch of people who wouldnt know her as anything different. her home friends also called her this (occasional slip ups) but in her family she was still known by her original name. No one ever really saw it as a problem or issue. my dh is known by the long version of his name in the family and the rest of us call him by his shorter name which he prefers. really see no difference to doing that tbh,

Sometimes it just the name. My hatred of my name never had anything to do with hating myself. I rejected it for myself from a very young age. By about three I was already disowning it and I’ve never changed my mind. I have never felt my name was the right fit for me.

@9thFloorNightmare, have you told your DD the story of how you chose her name? If so, I wonder if that’s the issue for her? Perhaps she has taken offence that you couldn’t decide/think of a name but you were inspired by a tv advert?

My DH and I chose our DC’s name having agreed on three potential names before their arrival. Once our DC was born, it was easy to give them one of the three shortlisted names. Our DC knows how their name was chosen, even down to us writing their potential name and surname in our own respective handwriting to see how it looked 😂

I’m not a huge fan of my name, it’s quite old fashioned but it was at least unique at school! I have considered changing it, but wouldn’t want to offend my parents who I love dearly!

Anyone else thinking of Sunny(D)?

Seriously @9thFloorNightmare I never liked mine growing up and would have happily changed it to Sabrina. Now , I like it. Why not decide on a name together and use that for a year or two, what harm can it do?

Also, she doesn't like her surname is changing that to your maiden name an option?

It's obviously a sore point for you, but there are many worse ways for a teenager to rebel these days. I'd allow it to pain you for a while and let her know she can change it when she reaches 18...by then she may not care.

Is it Apple? Is that you Gwyneth?

Perhaps if she hates it so much you should suggest she changes her name by Deed Poll, it’s relatively easy to do, and if it sets her up for her adult life feeling happier and more confident I can’t see why not.
A friend of mine changed her name years ago and it was soon accepted. it would be much easier to do it now before she starts opening her own bank accounts etc.
Seems like a simple solution to me.

My DD decided they didn't like their name.

For about 14 years no one ever used their actual name at home or in the family or their friends group as their older cousin gave them a quote sweet nickname that stuck. Even teachers used to be confused because they assumed their nickname was their actual name.

Then they decided to go by a shortened version of their actual name and now use that, however lots of people still use the nickname which they're fine with.

Teens are all about breaking boundaries, a discussion on name is tame so I would suggest they go by an alternative it if makes them happy. DD has a mate who has actually had their name changed by deed poll with their mum's backing. They hadn't chosen the name and after their divorce from the kids dad was gutted they hadn't spoken up. They never told their child they didn't like it but child sat them down and said they hated the name too so they spent a few months working out an alternative and changed it

I actually do know someone named Nicole because of those ads!

My OH hated his surname growing up so changed it when he turned 18. That's an option for her, though understandable if it would upset you. Does she have a middle name she prefers? If so could go by that until she is old enough to change her name herself. Or then a nickname.

Blimey!

That takes me back . . . 😂

I never really liked my name.. first name very common and there was always one or more in every class so I was known as ‘name last-initial’ throughout the whole of school life. There was always another one or two at every club etc as well! Even when I got older my first serious boyfriend’s ex was called the same name which didn’t feel great.

Then to contrast had a completely unusual surname, very ‘ugly’ sounding to me, nobody could spell or pronounce it. One of the best things about getting married in my 20s was getting rid of it!

So I get it.

I do know 2 older teens who don’t go by their birth name. Interestingly they both have feminine flowery names (I suppose those were very popular at the time) they don’t feel suits them at all and have chosen very un-frilly alternatives.

One of mine was like that, used to talk about the name they'd change to at 18, then it was awkward off to uni so was going to change after graduation. In their 30s now with no name change, never mentions it so not sure if they have just come to terms with it or can't be bothered.

Papa!

Nicole!

It would be an interesting poll.

I hate my name because it seems far too aristocratic. Doesn't fit for me at all.

No. Sorry you have this experience but no, its not the case for most people.

Why on earth did you take his name and give it to your daughter?

Why not your name?

I don't understand why OP doesn't just agree and say 'Yes it's Maya' or whatever, just to shut us all up! 😁

I never really liked my name, but it sounds a lot better in the accent of my home country than it does in an English accent, and ever since moving as a teenager to England. I've hated it more and more. Went by a nickname for a while but now in my 30s I want to change it. Feels a bit daft as I'm already so far into my life, but who knows.

It's not a reflection on you. I'd let her just be called what she likes, and she can change it legally when she's 18.

Your name is a fundamental part of your identity, yet one that convention and tradition gives you no say in. If you don't like it, there's a overbearing pressure from parents and family to stick with it.

I've said this in other threads, but I think it would be better if birth names were viewed as childhood names. Once you're 16 there should be a celebration of approaching adulthood and the choice of retaining or changing the name you were given.

If your daughter really, really dislikes her name, what would be your problem if she chose to change it? Would you be offended that she rejected your choice? - why? have you never made a bad decision?

The great thing about being a woman in the UK is that you can change your name whenever you want, to whatever you want.

Rather than waiting until a man decides to bestow his magical marriage gift of a surname