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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Original poster

Exactly the same name

119 replies

Puddinggulper · 24/01/2023 17:21

DH and I are expecting our first child. We’re keeping the sex a surprise but if it is one particular sex then we have one particularly favourite name.

We’ve had this name picked out for this gender for a few years, before we were even pregnant.

The issue is - we have family friends, almost like unofficial relatives, who had a baby of the opposite gender who named the baby with this name - the name is unisex. No real issue you might think - however, funnily enough the family friend married someone with our exact same surname, although completely unrelated. So although the baby is the opposite gender, if we named ours what we wanted they would both have the exact same first name AND surname. They also live fairly close so could conceivably end up at the same school. Although theirs would be in the school year above.

We were gutted when we found out they’d used the name and throughout the pregnancy have tried to think of another we like as much but we just can’t. I know no one owns a name but would you still use it?

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Skeldale · 24/01/2023 20:54

So there's a 1 in 5 chance that your son will follow a girl through school with exactly the same name as him?

For that reason alone I wouldn't use it. Kids are merciless and he will get bullied for having a girls name, even though the entirety of Mumsnet knows it's unisex, the girl got it first. End of.

Wheredidtheselotapego · 24/01/2023 20:41

I love the name Rowan, it was our choice for a girl though I was put off by the different pronunciation in Scotland,

anyway… my main worry would be that if they’re at the same school / town, what if the other Rowan ends up with a bit of a reputation as a trouble maker at school etc and your child is mistaken for them in situations where someone sees their name on register at school or extra curricular activities?

ZoyaTheDestroyer · 24/01/2023 20:15

Luredbyapomegranate · 24/01/2023 20:11

Rowan is super popular for both sexes - it will not stand out.

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It is pretty popular for boys (#63, 938 babies in 2021) but it is unusual for girls (#423, 104 babies in 2021). Definitely not super popular as a girls’ name.

Luredbyapomegranate · 24/01/2023 20:11

4thonthe4th · 24/01/2023 18:18

I wouldn’t do it. If it was Harry Smith, fair enough I’m sure there are loads. But not a name which is fairly uncommon anyway. It’ll stand out even more.

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Rowan is super popular for both sexes - it will not stand out.

SunshineAndFizz · 24/01/2023 20:09

Mate, you know you can't use it.

You know it deep down otherwise you wouldn't be asking us. They got there first. Your family/friends are being nice as you've clearly chosen to use it anyway.

Totally annoying as you love the name, but you know it would be weird for two kids to have the same first and second names. Let it go and find something else.

Luredbyapomegranate · 24/01/2023 20:06

I would yes.

I helps a lot that they are opposite sex. I’d just say to the parents that you tried really hard to find something else, but you’ve always planned to use it.

No one owns a name, but it’s polite to explain.

Shinytaps · 24/01/2023 19:50

If they are only the type you see at weddings rather than regularly I'd use the name. Also wonder if you'll pronounce it differently? The boy I know called Rowan is pronounced differently to the girl version I've heard.

If they ask then just explain you love it and have had it on your list for years.

FlowerOfTheValley · 24/01/2023 19:45

Use the name you want. If other people have a problem that is their issue.

They may not go to the same school, you only see them occasionally. If I was them I would not be the slightest fussed about it.

My cousin and I had the exact same first and surnames. The first time I even thought about it was reading the baby name pages on here so it was obviously a total non issue in our family.

Original poster
Puddinggulper · 24/01/2023 19:34

When I said relatives I meant more cousins than siblings I suppose. Relatives you see mainly at weddings.

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mathanxiety · 24/01/2023 19:31

Ruadhan - pronounced Roo-awn.
It's an Irish name, and there's a fada on the last a.
It's often anglicised as Rowan..

Ronan - similar soft sound.

Whatwouldyoudo32 · 24/01/2023 19:30

I’m going to disagree with the majority, I personally would use the name still. You will always regret it if you do not

dammit88 · 24/01/2023 19:30

With the same surname, no I wouldn't. But its pretty clear you are going to anyway so just accept that they probably will be a bit pissed at you and some other people may think you copied them. No biggie really.

Confusion101 · 24/01/2023 19:29

they aren’t close friends, they’re family friends we see maybe twice a year at weddings/bbqs

Based on this id just go ahead and use it. How much will you regret it if you don't?

RhubarbFairy · 24/01/2023 19:29

On your OP you say that they're so close, they're like unofficial relatives. Now it's 'we only see them a couple of times a year'.

If your DH doesn't care, and it's his side, just use the name. I think you're overthinking it.

Original poster
Puddinggulper · 24/01/2023 19:27

I wish I could predict the future and know if they’d end up at the same secondary school. There’s a 1 in 5 chance. As that’s my main concern that it’ll cause confusion.

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Original poster
Puddinggulper · 24/01/2023 19:26

The consensus on here seems to be not use it which is really interesting. The family friends are on my DHs side and he doesn’t care and wants to use it. My sister in law said we should go ahead and use and my sister doesn’t think it’s a big deal and that I’m overthinking it. I’m not sure if that’s because they know the context better and I’ve not explained it well on here - they aren’t close friends, they’re family friends we see maybe twice a year at weddings/bbqs.

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ZoyaTheDestroyer · 24/01/2023 19:22

I’m sorry OP but I wouldn’t use it either. This really shouldn’t be the case and I am sorry to mention it but sadly it would be pretty miserable for a boy to have exactly the same name as a girl in the year above in a way that probably wouldn’t be as much of an issue if the genders were reversed. It’s horrible but it’s the same reason why some people will happily call their daughters Aubrey or Jamie but wouldn’t call their son Grace or Isabel.

MotherOfHouseplants · 24/01/2023 19:19

Sorry OP. I know this isn’t rational but I wouldn’t use it. They got there first and if the children do end up in the same activities / school etc people will likely meet the older child first and it will always feel like they are the original and your DC the tribute act. Sorry.

daisymade · 24/01/2023 19:18

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FairytaleofNewHampshire · 24/01/2023 19:14

I wouldn't use it as it does seem too similar.
I have got four cousins with the same 70's name and three of them have the same surname, all born within twelve months. My DM decided to give me an incredibly old fashioned name that I absolutely hate just to be different to them.

SunSandAndLotsOfGin · 24/01/2023 19:13

Give your child their own name.
Even if they won't see one another than often - they'll see one another. Your child will always feel like they don't own the name and that you copied it from other child.

4thonthe4th · 24/01/2023 19:11

Puddinggulper · 24/01/2023 19:09

The circle isn’t super close. It’s more the grandparents who would have to say ‘your Rowan, my Rowan etc’…the actual kids would likely only see each other around twice a year.

You clearly still want to do it. If you’d had your child first, would you feel ok if they used it after? It may be hard to see it from that side objectively.

Original poster
Puddinggulper · 24/01/2023 19:09

The circle isn’t super close. It’s more the grandparents who would have to say ‘your Rowan, my Rowan etc’…the actual kids would likely only see each other around twice a year.

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emmathedilemma · 24/01/2023 19:07

I wouldn’t……I know no one owns a name but it would just be weird and difficult when referring to them and talking about them if you’re part of the same friends and family group. I have two friends who both named their daughter the same name (the one with the older DD didn’t know the others were also going to use it until she was born). They were a bit cheesed off the others had used it and the girls are always referred to with their surname attached and called by it when they’re together. If you had two with completely the same name it would be really hard!

DisneyGirl2329 · 24/01/2023 19:04

Oh no, how difficult. Teacher here and we had 2 children with exactly the same first and second name in one year group. It was extremely confusing! It was hard in assembly's when one child won a certificate as we never knew which one it was meant for. We had to use middle names to distinguish them both. But if they wouldn't be in the same year group it shouldn't cause too much confusion. Rowan is a beautiful name. I have taught both girl and boy Rowans.