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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Original poster

Exactly the same name

119 replies

Puddinggulper · 24/01/2023 17:21

DH and I are expecting our first child. We’re keeping the sex a surprise but if it is one particular sex then we have one particularly favourite name.

We’ve had this name picked out for this gender for a few years, before we were even pregnant.

The issue is - we have family friends, almost like unofficial relatives, who had a baby of the opposite gender who named the baby with this name - the name is unisex. No real issue you might think - however, funnily enough the family friend married someone with our exact same surname, although completely unrelated. So although the baby is the opposite gender, if we named ours what we wanted they would both have the exact same first name AND surname. They also live fairly close so could conceivably end up at the same school. Although theirs would be in the school year above.

We were gutted when we found out they’d used the name and throughout the pregnancy have tried to think of another we like as much but we just can’t. I know no one owns a name but would you still use it?

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SalviaOfficinalis · 25/01/2023 16:19

Just think of Rowan Atkinson… that should be enough to put you off.

Other suggestions
Robin
Ronan
Rory

I really wouldn’t use the same first and surname as someone else.

ThomasinaLivesHere · 25/01/2023 16:12

I had the exact same name as someone in another year at school. It didn’t cause any issues in school. I only found out about it near end of school as someone mentioned it. They’re not going to be in same circles apart from a few times a year. It’s really not going to have the impact some are saying.

User76765 · 25/01/2023 16:03

You just can't. Your child will forever be known as Boy Rowan Smith or male Rowan Smith. The spelling will make no difference at all because the confusion will come when people are speaking.

I actually think its an awful boys name but that's by the by if you like it. I'd chose something similar but that isn't pronounced like rowan. How about Owen?

UnicornRainbowSky · 25/01/2023 15:54

A friend of mine recently used the girl name we had earmarked. She has a completely different surname and even lives a 3 hour drive away but I still wouldn't be able to use the name now. It's taken. I was really sad for a bit but have now found a name I like equally much. I'd find it mega weird if a close friend of mind called their baby the same name as my child's, ESPECIALLY if they had the same surname!
Can you make Rowan the middle name?

LittleLottle · 25/01/2023 11:48

Use it. In my husband's family there are 3 cousins with the same name and one with the feminine version, as well as uncles and half cousins etc. Yes it gets a bit confusing but really not the end of the world! We just say big Harry, baby Harry, Harriet, granda Harry etc etc when we're all together!

Billslills · 25/01/2023 10:44

I would use it. You will regret it forever otherwise. I think it would be more confusing for family if you called him a close variation such as Rohan.

Shoogly · 25/01/2023 09:52

Initially I thought you shouldn't use the name because I read it as being they were such close friends you thought of them as family. That would definitely be weird to use the same name. If they're not actually close friends of yours I wouldn't worry.

Mummytobe333 · 25/01/2023 09:09

There’s so many lovely names in the world - for the sake of your baby please find them something else ❤️ I would be so annoyed my parents continued to call me the exact same name

Pinkdafodils · 25/01/2023 08:21

Imagine if they grew up and fell in love and had their own rowan. They could all share monogramed towels ...

Grin
ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 25/01/2023 03:24

Purplecatshopaholic · 24/01/2023 17:57

Of you can use the same name. And I’m surprised you’re even asking! Use the name you like!

This. Use the name you like. Don't overthink. They will have long lives with very little overlap.

quietnightmare · 25/01/2023 02:26

Rhowan
Rhowen
Rowan
Roman
Romane

quietnightmare · 25/01/2023 02:23

Soooo.....

Tryingwithheart · 25/01/2023 02:21

Imagine if they grew up and fell in love and had their own rowan. They could all share monogramed towels ... Sorry it just popped into my head.

Tbh I wouldn't use it. What about Owen? Or lohan?

RitaFromThePitCanteen · 25/01/2023 01:42

How about Lowen? It's Cornish, unisex and means joy. Other names that give.me similar vibes:

Owen
Robin
Laurence
Rory
Evan
Toby
Joel
Arran
Soren
Leon
Reid
Bram

VivienneDelacroix · 25/01/2023 01:31

Oh, I forgot Tristan to above list. Love Tristan.

VivienneDelacroix · 25/01/2023 01:30

Rowan was a name we had on the list for DS2, but a friend called her daughter Rowan, so we decided against it. (Surnames very different and we don't live near each other, but it just felt unfair to my friend- it is a gorgeous name though).
Other names we considered (just in case we gave similar tastes) were:
Ansel
Atticus
Lucian
Linus
Victor
Saul
Percy
Laurie (really regret not using this).
Guillaume (but DH convinced me that no one would know how to say it and I'd get annoyed!).

Rockmehardplace · 25/01/2023 01:11

thats so strange, i just knew it was going to be Rowan! i have a friend with a boy Rowan and i loved it for a girl and she was NOT happy at the idea of me using the same name (I had a boy in the end anyway).
How does the friend pronounce it for a girl? I would have used Row-an (Row as in row a boat), same as the boy version, but i’ve met 2 girl Rowan’s pronounced Row-an (Row as in having a row with someone).

sunshinesobeautiful · 24/01/2023 23:58

Imo Ronan is much nicer than Rowan anyway Smile

sunshinesobeautiful · 24/01/2023 23:54

Puddinggulper · 24/01/2023 19:26

The consensus on here seems to be not use it which is really interesting. The family friends are on my DHs side and he doesn’t care and wants to use it. My sister in law said we should go ahead and use and my sister doesn’t think it’s a big deal and that I’m overthinking it. I’m not sure if that’s because they know the context better and I’ve not explained it well on here - they aren’t close friends, they’re family friends we see maybe twice a year at weddings/bbqs.

What if they are just wanting to be polite, though, and are not saying what they're really thinking? 🤔

pitterypattery00 · 24/01/2023 23:38

Wheredidtheselotapego · 24/01/2023 20:41

I love the name Rowan, it was our choice for a girl though I was put off by the different pronunciation in Scotland,

anyway… my main worry would be that if they’re at the same school / town, what if the other Rowan ends up with a bit of a reputation as a trouble maker at school etc and your child is mistaken for them in situations where someone sees their name on register at school or extra curricular activities?

Same, I love the name Rowan for a girl but I discounted using it because of the different pronunciations between Scotland and England (I'm Scottish but live in England with English partner, it just wouldn't have worked).

OP if you don't see these people often I'd just go for it. And even if the children are at the same primary, so what. I didn't know the full names of any of the children in the other year groups at my primary school. Barely knew their first names (obviously in a small school this would be different). Other R boys names I like include Ruairidh, Robin, Reuben, Ronan, and Roderick.

Pinkdafodils · 24/01/2023 23:19

aSofaNearYou · 24/01/2023 21:21

If I were you I'd explain to your friend that you've had the name picked out for years, if they're a decent person they shouldn't have a problem with it.

It's not them, it's the poor child that will always be known as Rowan Smith II

aSofaNearYou · 24/01/2023 21:21

If I were you I'd explain to your friend that you've had the name picked out for years, if they're a decent person they shouldn't have a problem with it.

ThomasinaLivesHere · 24/01/2023 21:18

They won’t be in the same year at school. I really don’t think there will be issues at all for the child. Also I don’t think the child will feel like he doesn’t have his own name. All his class and friends will be familiar with him.

You seem really set on it. Perhaps have a trial with it when he’s born to see how it feels.

resm · 24/01/2023 21:04

I would go ahead and use the name if my heart was set on it. It doesn’t sound like you’re that close to them so I don’t see the issue.

Although I also don’t see the problem with cousins (even with same surname) sharing a family name like that of a grandparent passed down.

barkyy · 24/01/2023 20:57

I would use a different name.