AIBU to ‘steal’ a baby name

Personally I think it's something you shouldn't do, she's clearly had it picked out a long time, there are so many names out there, just leave that name for her and pick another x

@peppapeeej - if you don’t want to give the middle name, could you tell us the first name you’ve chosen, and maybe the collective wisdom of MN can come up with some middle name suggestions?

You are being a bitch and you know it, or else you wouldn't need excuses such as "she doesn't even know if she wants kids". Maybe she's desperate for them but for a whole host of reasons it might not happen for her. If you do this then I would expect your relationship to sour and even disappear.

Have you asked your sister?
Frame it as “you say you don’t intend to have kids, would you like me to use it as a middle name as a tribute to you. Then there’s still the option for you to use the name as a first name if you change your mind”

Obviously, if she says no then you don’t use it. Not worth the fallout.

That’s really mean, OP. I used to say I didn’t want kids and now I have one. I could never do that to my sister.

You’d have to be such a twat to do this.

Also YABU for not telling us the name.

What a ridiculous situation. She's not even pregnant! Use the name. Don't feel bad. She'll sulk but she'll get over it.

No one owns a name.

I had a friend who told all her friends not to use a certain girls name, fast forward many years and she hasn’t had any children…

I wouldn’t use it as a first name but I’d use it as a middle name, does it have a family meaning behind it or is it just a random name?

I didn't have girls, but if I had, my sister's names would be their middle names.

This would be ok if it had a special meaning to your partner

Eg. I know you love the name but it was the name of DH's aunt so it would mean a lot etc.

Otherwise I don't believe you that there isn't a single other name as a middle name. It just sounds like a mean thing to do.

No, I wouldn't do it, a middle name isn't worth the conflict. How about no middle name at all, in my family no one has a middle name, and I never felt like I missed anything in my life/name.

No-one owns a name.

No-one owns a name so you can use it if you want. What you can’t control though it how other people feel about your choice. Only you can decide if it’s worth upsetting your sister and causing bad feeling with your parents over.

I wouldn't. Plus I don't think it's really worth the family fall out. She may never forgive you or always resent you for it.

YABVVU.

You don’t even want it as a first name! Using the name she’s always told you she wants for her DC would be spiteful, petty and competitive. Bollocks is it the only name you can find that goes with your chosen first name. If you have any self-awareness at all, you’ll realise this is not about the name at all, but about you trying to get one over on your sister.

Suggest you go chat with a therapist about why you’re competitive with your sister and why you’re so keen to do something you know would hurt her and distress your parents.

I know names my sister would want for both her hypothetical children and dogs and there's no way I'd ever use one of them!

Just choose another name. Middle names very seldom get used, just pick something else you can live with or go with no middle name at all.

She wouldn't use it in the future because it won't feel new or exciting anymore. Out of allllllll the names in the world you had to choose the one your sister likes, really?! That is annoying, be creative and get your own name

Still not a nice thing to do. I have two girls and tell everyone who asks that I'm done but obviously before I knew the sex of both I had "a boys name" that is still and always will be my favourite. I'd be absolutely gutted if my brothers / sisters used it for their kids middle name when it's the name I'll 100% use if I ever have an accidental boy or find myself broody when mine are grown up.

It would be a really bitchy thing to do, and you know it.

You said in your original post that it was the name she liked for her future child. In your next post you say it is one of the names she likes so you are trying to lessen the impact to justify you using it.
What a twatty thing to do to your sister, whether she ever has children or not.
But I bet you are going to do it anyway aren't you? Anyone with a conscience would not even consider it, let alone ask random strangers whether it was acceptable.

So did I. Had a baby in my late 30s and yes, used the name I always said I would.

If my sibling had nicked it I would have been pissed off.

Don’t do it. Choose another.

No I think that would be very unkind. Do you not like your sister? A middle name is hardly ever used so you'd be basically taking her favourite name and wasting it.

I would be very upset with you and I agree with your parents.