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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

AIBU to ‘steal’ a baby name

220 replies

peppapeeej · 31/10/2022 19:59

My sister has always liked a particular name for her ‘future child’. I love the name as a middle name for my daughter due next month. I mentioned it to parents and they immediately said sister would be so so hurt etc etc. It’s the only middle name I like with the first name we’re using and I have racked my brain for months over this.

If it’s relevant I do not care if she uses it in the future but imo her ‘future child’ is a hypothetical thing especially as she has expressed she’s not even sure she wants children in the first place. Feel so silly posting this but would like to know if I’m being unreasonable here.

Also no I won’t be saying the name as it’s outing

OP posts:

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margegunderson · 31/10/2022 20:47

Thousands of names you could pick especially for a middle. Choose one is those.

wanttokickoffbutcant · 31/10/2022 20:46

I don’t think I actually know the middle names of my nieces and nephews so not sure this is such a big issue?

lunar1 · 31/10/2022 20:46

Do you really think a woman who never wants children would have a longstanding list of very specific names she wants to use for children in case she randomly gives birth at some point?

She hates the idea of children so much, yet all the family know exactly what she would call her unwanted offspring.

Nobody owns a name, but sometimes using specific ones is still a twatty thing to do.

Fortuny · 31/10/2022 20:46

I didn't understand why people did this, until I found out I was having a boy and names are so HARD. Then my DB told me the name he's saving for if he has a boy... And I loved it. Ultimately it wouldn't have been worth the aggro or potential hurt, so I didn't use it.

I really don't think it's worth it for a middle name. In fact that's even more offensive

Original poster

peppapeeej · 31/10/2022 20:44

Phos · 31/10/2022 20:42

Why on earth would she be "so so hurt"?

It's a bloody name. Loads of people share the same one, sometimes even within families and I really can't see what is so dreadful about using a name someone else likes as a middle name. I'm clearly in a minority but I cannot see what is cruel or hurtful about this.

my cousin gave her daughter the same middle name as my first daughter and i couldn’t care less - this is how i feel. i don’t get the uproar but i seem to be in the minority

OP posts:

Viostep · 31/10/2022 20:44

Pick a different name. If I knew someone who used a name that their sibling had always wanted to use, I would assume they did it intentionally to piss off the sibling. People would probably judge you, including your parents. It makes you seem bitter and mean, and your sister might end up distancing herself from you.

Is this middle name really worth the potential agro? If you're still set on it, be prepared for some fallout. It might put a dampener on what should be a special time in your life.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 31/10/2022 20:43

Of course you can use it! She doesn't own the name. And it's for a middle name anyway, surely no one apart from the parents are interested in or remember the middle name?

EverydayIsPJday · 31/10/2022 20:42

I wouldn't op it just seems a pointless way to upset someone

ErinAoife · 31/10/2022 20:42

Avoid the hassle and dont use it as middle name unless she agrees with it especially if you are not on talking term. What is the name? We could try to figure alternative if it helpz

Phos · 31/10/2022 20:42

Why on earth would she be "so so hurt"?

notdaddycool · 31/10/2022 20:42

One of my kids has the same name as a cousin has for their middle one, not remotely an issue.

InFiveMins · 31/10/2022 20:42

YABU and you know it. It's a middle name - pick another one.

Mommabear20 · 31/10/2022 20:42

That's just cruel.
Unless it's a name that has significant meaning to you, a relatives name that you want to honour for example, why can't you just pick a different name? Knowing it'll hurt your sister and doing it anyway is just horrible and mean.

Original poster

peppapeeej · 31/10/2022 20:41

Georgeskitchen · 31/10/2022 20:40

So let me get this straight. Your sister doesn't really want kids, but if sometime in the future she changes her mind, she has earmarked a name for a yet to be conceived daughter, which you want to call your actual real daughter.
What if she has a son?
What if she changes her mind and decides on a totally different name?
If you like the name, use it and sod what anyone else thinks!!

this is how i feel. her end is entirely hypothetical

OP posts:

cocktailclub · 31/10/2022 20:41

You sound uncaring

Georgeskitchen · 31/10/2022 20:40

YukoandHiro · 31/10/2022 20:40

However much you like the name, do you like it enough to hurt your sister?

MajorCarolDanvers · 31/10/2022 20:39

It's a bonkers situation but it's not worth the fallout for a middle name.

Original poster

peppapeeej · 31/10/2022 20:37

ErinAoife · 31/10/2022 20:35

Did you ask your sister if you could it as middle name?

no because we’re not even talking at the minute anyway

OP posts:

TequilaNights · 31/10/2022 20:36

Drip, Drip, Drip.

You asked, the majority say YABU, yet you're still trying to defend your shitty decision.

ErinAoife · 31/10/2022 20:35

Did you ask your sister if you could it as middle name?

Original poster

peppapeeej · 31/10/2022 20:34

wishingitwasfriday · 31/10/2022 20:30

You are being a bitch and you know it, or else you wouldn't need excuses such as "she doesn't even know if she wants kids". Maybe she's desperate for them but for a whole host of reasons it might not happen for her. If you do this then I would expect your relationship to sour and even disappear.

this is jumping to assumptions. she takes the pill religiously and told me if she ever got pregnant she’d ‘kill the little alien’ so no, she’s not secretly trying and struggling i am absolutely certain about that one

OP posts:

Original poster

peppapeeej · 31/10/2022 20:33

Sorry should’ve clarified to above poster yes I put it’s the name she likes but basically she has a list of 4 - 2 girls names 2 boys names and it’s one of the girls names so not the absolute only one but one on this list.

Im not going to say the name because I know my mum is on here and it’s outing, I think that’s fair enough. The problem I have is first name and surname begin with vowels and first name is a bit of a unique name which, for me, cuts out any middle name starting with a vowel and any unique middle names because then the whole name just sounds too much. The middle name I like is short and sweet and a typical ‘filler’ name which is why I like it. Not having a middle name is not an option as I love middle names and my first daughter has two so I’m not giving the next baby nothing at all.

Also I have suggested other names to DH but he doesn’t like any other suggestions I have

OP posts:

ClocksGoingBackwards · 31/10/2022 20:32

She’s your sister, can’t you just tell her that she’s made you love the name too and that you’d really like to use it for her niece?

DramaAlpaca · 31/10/2022 20:32

You only want to use it as a middle name. Ask her how she'd feel. She can still use it as a first name if she wants to.

Not quite the same I appreciate, but I used a certain name as my youngest DS's middle name, then SIL used it for her DS's first name. Neither of us minded a bit.

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