Page 6 | AIBU to ‘steal’ a baby name

peppapeeej · 2022-10-31T19:59:25+00:00

My sister has always liked a particular name for her ‘future child’. I love the name as a middle name for my daughter due next month. I mentioned it to parents and they immediately said sister would be so so hurt etc etc. It’s the only middle name I like with the first name we’re using and I have racked my brain for months over this. If it’s relevant I do not care if she uses it in the future but imo her ‘future child’ is a hypothetical thing especially as she has expressed she’s not even sure she wants children in the first place. Feel so silly posting this but would like to know if I’m being unreasonable here. Also no I won’t be saying the name as it’s outing

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Original poster

peppapeeej · 31/10/2022 21:03

MrNook · 31/10/2022 21:01

this is jumping to assumptions. she takes the pill religiously and told me if she ever got pregnant she’d ‘kill the little alien’ so no, she’s not secretly trying and struggling i am absolutely certain about that one

That's a jump from "she isn't even sure she wants children" in your OP

well i just think it’s a bit intense to talk about the subject of abortion on a first post when it’s not really relevant to the thread but if people are going to jump to conclusions that she’s desperately trying when i know that’s not the case then i may as well be transparent

OP posts:

MamaOfOneMasterOfNone · 31/10/2022 21:03

I think it would be a spiteful thing to do, especially considering it’s just a middle name. You have chosen a first name, don’t be greedy

Grumpsy · 31/10/2022 21:02

It sounds as though I’ve made up your mind and you’re here to try and justify it to yourself 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think that if you need the justification you think it will hurt your sister.

Original poster

peppapeeej · 31/10/2022 21:02

sopeas · 31/10/2022 20:56

OP I’m so sorry you’ve had such horrid comments all over a name, I actually found myself laughing at a few because I think it’s just mad that some PPs have got so wound up over something so simple as a name. YOU are the one that is pregnant and if you like the name use it. Like I said before, nobody owns a name! Your sister has said some horrible things to you about “killing the little alien” so it doesn’t seem that she wants or will, in fact, ever be a mother so why should you miss out on a name just incase she may decide to change her mind years down the line? She might not. If she does she might have boys and then you’ve missed out for no reason! I really can’t work out why so many people think yabu… it’s not like you are both pregnant right now and both want the name etc etc. It’s literally a case that she might never even have a child. How can you possibly be being unreasonable? Unless I’ve completely missed something here 🤷🏼‍♀️

thanks so much. i know i’m getting a bit on the defence here but i feel like all the comments about it being twatty and bitchy are so uncalled for i didn’t think it would be such a controversial thread 😅

OP posts:

MrNook · 31/10/2022 21:01

this is jumping to assumptions. she takes the pill religiously and told me if she ever got pregnant she’d ‘kill the little alien’ so no, she’s not secretly trying and struggling i am absolutely certain about that one

That's a jump from "she isn't even sure she wants children" in your OP

Mariposista · 31/10/2022 21:01

Unreasonable. If you can't think of an alternative middle name for your child, just don't have a middle name. They are just there on a passport anyway, serve very little other purpose.
Not worth upsetting your sister and family for.

Underroad · 31/10/2022 21:01

Just don’t. You know it wouldn’t be a kind thing to do or you wouldn’t have asked. Nobody needs a middle name anyway so if you can’t think of another that you like, just don’t have a middle name.

sheepandcaravan · 31/10/2022 21:00

It's a middle name, tell her it's in her honour and move on.

ittakes2 · 31/10/2022 21:00

Ask her what she thinks it not us.

autienotnaughty · 31/10/2022 20:58

Ask her what she thinks? If she's no keen don't do it.

Whinge · 31/10/2022 20:56

OP it's becoming clearer with every post that you're going to use the name, regardless of what your family or strangers on the internet say. So i'm not quite sure why you started the thread. 🤷🏻‍♀️

RichardMarxisinnocent · 31/10/2022 20:56

Phos · 31/10/2022 20:42

Why on earth would she be "so so hurt"?

It's a bloody name. Loads of people share the same one, sometimes even within families and I really can't see what is so dreadful about using a name someone else likes as a middle name. I'm clearly in a minority but I cannot see what is cruel or hurtful about this.

I agree, I don't see what's cruel about it or why it warrants the OP being called a bitch who is doing a twatty thing. I wonder what names people would call my grandparents and great aunt and uncle. Both couples gave their eldest child the exact same first name. It was a family name which meant a lot to all of them. Nobody was upset, nobody was hurt, nobody fell out with anyone about it, the cousins were both known by their middle names, and were close friends all their lives.

sopeas · 31/10/2022 20:56

OP I’m so sorry you’ve had such horrid comments all over a name, I actually found myself laughing at a few because I think it’s just mad that some PPs have got so wound up over something so simple as a name. YOU are the one that is pregnant and if you like the name use it. Like I said before, nobody owns a name! Your sister has said some horrible things to you about “killing the little alien” so it doesn’t seem that she wants or will, in fact, ever be a mother so why should you miss out on a name just incase she may decide to change her mind years down the line? She might not. If she does she might have boys and then you’ve missed out for no reason! I really can’t work out why so many people think yabu… it’s not like you are both pregnant right now and both want the name etc etc. It’s literally a case that she might never even have a child. How can you possibly be being unreasonable? Unless I’ve completely missed something here 🤷🏼‍♀️

Original poster

peppapeeej · 31/10/2022 20:53

swingsandroundabouts222 · 31/10/2022 20:53

How would you feel if it was the other way round?

You know it is a name she has always loved and means a lot to her.
Yes, she may never be blessed with a daughter, but to give your daughter that name as a middle name just seems like you are doing it to deliberately spark a reaction in her.

I'd usually say "People don't own a name", but in this instance it just seems cruel.

if she used my favourite name as a middle name i wouldn’t care, i’d still use it as a first name if i loved it that much

OP posts:

DozyFox · 31/10/2022 20:53

With the context that you don't seem to like her much and aren't even talking right now, I'd assume you were doing it on purpose to annoy her - she will certainly think that!

You say you don't want her to put a dampener on the birth of your new child, but you're literally handing her the perfect opportunity to do just that. Don't do it. Just choose something else. It's only a middle name!

Then whatever she does next, you can hold your head high knowing you've done nothing to provoke her actions.

Original poster

peppapeeej · 31/10/2022 20:53

gogohmm · 31/10/2022 20:52

Why do that to her? She's made it clear she wants to use that name hypothetically there's hundreds of thousands of names!

yeah but mine is a real baby and hers is a figment of her imagination that may never fabricate into an actual person?

OP posts:

swingsandroundabouts222 · 31/10/2022 20:53

How would you feel if it was the other way round?

You know it is a name she has always loved and means a lot to her.
Yes, she may never be blessed with a daughter, but to give your daughter that name as a middle name just seems like you are doing it to deliberately spark a reaction in her.

I'd usually say "People don't own a name", but in this instance it just seems cruel.

gogohmm · 31/10/2022 20:52

Why do that to her? She's made it clear she wants to use that name hypothetically there's hundreds of thousands of names!

Original poster

peppapeeej · 31/10/2022 20:50

JenniferBarkley · 31/10/2022 20:48

This makes it sound like you've fallen out and want to hurt her tbh.

There are loads of short and sweet filler middle names. Rose, May, Grace, Louise, Faye, Jane.

Show quote history

it is along those lines and i did actually like grace but dh hates it. i don’t want to hurt her because in all honesty i just don’t get why she’d care - it’s my mum who thinks she will - but i simply just like the name

OP posts:

3487642l · 31/10/2022 20:50

Since it is a middle name I don't see the problem. If the sister names her future child the name these cousins will have a special connection with each other.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 31/10/2022 20:50

cocktailclub · 31/10/2022 20:41

You sound uncaring

I disagree. I think that OP sounds entirely reasonable! We are talking about a hypothetical situation in which her sister might use a name should she at some point have a daughter. And if she did have a daughter, and assuming her partner also liked the name, she could still bloody use it. Not a big deal at all!

surreygirl1987 · 31/10/2022 20:50

I think this would be mean.

Nosleepforthismum · 31/10/2022 20:48

I’d either speak to my sister now and see if she’d be happy for me to use it or I would find another name. It sounds a bit like you’d quite enjoy pissing her off if you’re not currently talking and you don’t seem that bothered either by your parent’s view that she’d be incredibly hurt.

JenniferBarkley · 31/10/2022 20:48

peppapeeej · 31/10/2022 20:37

no because we’re not even talking at the minute anyway

Show quote history

This makes it sound like you've fallen out and want to hurt her tbh.

There are loads of short and sweet filler middle names. Rose, May, Grace, Louise, Faye, Jane.

Original poster

peppapeeej · 31/10/2022 20:47

Viostep · 31/10/2022 20:44

Pick a different name. If I knew someone who used a name that their sibling had always wanted to use, I would assume they did it intentionally to piss off the sibling. People would probably judge you, including your parents. It makes you seem bitter and mean, and your sister might end up distancing herself from you.

Is this middle name really worth the potential agro? If you're still set on it, be prepared for some fallout. It might put a dampener on what should be a special time in your life.

i sound entirely salty here but she put a dampener on my first already so if it happens again it happens again - day she was born she visited in hospital and sat on the bed sobbing about her ’dickhead boss’ to me while i was hours past major surgery with a newborn that she was only interested in enough to take pics of her with filters on.

again, i know that sounds salty but point is i’m half expecting her to put a dampener on next baby anyway because she doesn’t seem to know boundaries but 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts: