AIBU to ‘steal’ a baby name

Do NOT say this.

'not sure if I want/I don't want' children is often easier to say than I can't get fucking pregnant.

@peppapeeej you're being unkind & ridiculous. Billions of names in the world, there will be plenty that 'go' with your chosen girls name. Or use your/your DH's mums/grannies names.

you DO NOT need to use your sisters chosen baby name.

While I do agree that you come off as immature in some of the responses I do think people have been mean. Sometimes people don't always express themselves well and trying to correct it in the following posts doesn't always help. If your sister has multiple names she likes then it's unfair to mark them all off but in your original post it sounds like she's always liked this particular name whereas to you it's more recent when you came to selecting names.

Personally, I wouldn't care if someone used a name I liked as a middle name as the child is unlikely to be known as that. People dwell too much over middle names. If I were you I would choose something else as there would be a negative feeling attached to the name with all this family drama however I get the feeling that you won't as it might feel like giving into yet more control from your family.

If your sister is the type to phone up your mum and threaten suicide to get you to do things then she doesn't seem like a positive influence in your life and one that you should't go out of the way to accommodate. So I think there are bigger issues here than whether you choose the name or not.

It's not about the name, it's about the very transparent motives behind the choice.

F me!! it’s a name. bloody therapist 😂😂

well you can’t have read the thread because you’re saying the name is being used to get back at my sister which i’ve said time and time again it. is. not.
It IS a bonus though which is abundantly clear with every post you make 🙄

Use the name, don't use the name but don't pretend you don't feel secretly pleased that you can 'get her back' by doing something that you know will upset her.

Very unreasonable and so not worth it. At the very least I'd consider going to a therapist before landing your dd with a name that will cause such resentment.

As I said earlier, @peppapeeej - why it tell us the first name and see if we can come up with some other middle names you might not have thought of yet?

You're clearly going to use the name and dripfeed information until you get the answer you want.

In that sense, if you aren't genuinely trying to weigh up whether to use the name, there was no point in starting the thread.

You're getting a lot of hate and strange replies here. People telling you they know your own thoughts better than you do - which is actually creepy. It sounds like you have acommodated your sister in very significant ways over the years and your mum has enabled your sister to feel entitled to having her way and dictating to everyone. You're chosing a middle name you really love and this doesn't prevent your sister from using it in the future, since middle names are generally never mentioned aside from on documents. You know there will be a drama and backlash from your sister and your mum, and you will be painted as a villain, so the question is are you ready for that and how will you handle it? This may well be the first time you've stood up for yourself in your family as an adult, and it might not be a bad thing because if it was insisted you change your wedding day there is little doubt there will be more of those demands made of you in future. If you have difficult family members at some point you will need to stop aquiescing to their demands and live your own life. You may need to be prepared that they all stop speaking to you but maybe that will give you some peace to enjoy your children.
Good luck.

Why did you start this thread?

Start a new thread asking for short middle name ideas that don't start with vowels and see what suggestions you like. I wouldn't be bothered with the drama of this.

My son has my dad's name as his middle name and I think that's what middle names are for tbh. Would have never picked a random one with no meaning.

No and it does seem dickish that out of every name in the entire world you decide that the one single name she has said is now the only one you like for a middle name.

Suck it up and use a different one. We dont all get our first choice of names anyway.

I did read every single post and what you're saying is often not matching up with something you said earlier and reading between the lines you just get a certain impression that many other people here are sharing.

Honestly, if you pick the name it will forever be associated with this family feud of yours. Do your daughter a favour and pick something else. I would hate to have a name associated with so much anger, drama and spitefulness.

Also, the name clearly reminds you of your sister so why would you pick it given that you have a very problematic relationship.

This will be my last post here because I don't see much sense discussing this further but I suggest another name and family therapy.

Have you tried asking your sister how she would feel about it?

Otherwise, I think your options are to weigh up which matters more to you - using a name you don't like as much and keeping what little peace there seems to be, or using the name your sister likes and getting a lot of grief from your sister and your family.

I have finished reading the entire thread.

If this is for real, which I am not sure about because the posts sound like written by a young teenager, please get help and get family therapy.

It doesn't sound like your main motivation is you liking the name but you wanting to get back at your sister. You seem selfish. Ever thought about how your daughter would feel about a name you just used to get back at her aunt?

You are being unreasonable. Your poor sister.

She will likely have kids and it has been her favourite for a long time. Why would you take it away from her especially as it's just a middle name and therefore not nearly as important. It seems mean and petty, to be honest.

It would have been a different story if it had been your favourite for a long time as well but that's clearly not the case here. It's like you are trying on purpose to do something awful to your sister.

OP your sister won’t thank you for deciding not to use the name — she’ll probably think “ more fool her”.
Second names just don’t have the status of first names and not many people I know would be bothered unless they feel they might be accused of copying. In your case this a popular and well used name.
Given all the circumstances just go ahead and use the names you want. Blame DH if you feel you need to.
Avoid any drama by instructing that she is not a welcome visitor in the hospital after the birth.
Good luck

And no. it is still not a tit for tat thing because as I say she has zero interest in her first niece so I genuinely think it will not affect her life as I’m sure she’ll have zero interest in the second. I literally just love the name

If that's the case you wouldn't be bringing up all this family drama, making the case for why she's done X and Y so you're entitled to do Z (essentially to get back at her).

I'm not blaming you for your feelings toward your DSis, it's very hard, but you need to be honest with yourself about why you want to use the name and whether entangling yourself in more family drama will actually make you happier, when you could just pick a different name and move on.

Quite honestly it sound like you would relish the fallout this might cause. A decent person would find another name rather than cause upset.

Agree with PPs. Middle names aren’t even a necessity and definitely not worth upsetting a sister over.

The amount of bitterness you have towards your sister and the drama that will ensue will probably taint the name if you give it to her anyway.

Forevermore you’ll link her middle name with the thought it was your sisters choice and caused a big drama.

According to Google there are 29,918,993 names in the world. It’s not worth it. Pick another.