AIBU to ‘steal’ a baby name

Ask her if she would be okay with you using it.

I would have said YANBU until I came to the part where you specified this would be a middle name. Why create shit over a middle name? None of mine even have middle names as it was honestly hard enough coming up with the first names. I couldn’t care if their middle names were Beryl/John, it’s not like they would ever be used or spoken in their lifetime really. So why cause shit over it? If you wanted it for the first name my response would be different, as in just do it.

I disagree with the general trend here. She is not giving her DD the name as a first name. Why does it matter if her DD has a middle name, that a cousin later has as a first name? Particularly if OP is clear she is content with that. Wouldn't bother me in the least if anyone in the future used one my DCs middle names as a first name - I'm expecting DC3 atm and may well be doing that myself :).

If you had a good relationship with your sister and/or the "name" was the only one on her list of possible names for future children, I'd say don't do it.
However as this doesn't seem to be the case and it's only a middle name, I'd say 1) make one last effort to look into other possible middle names with DH; 2) if you don't like any other name, go with the "name" and tell DM you really tried to choose something else, but it wasn't meant to be.

I used the name my sister wanted to call her "future" son as my son's middle name. I wanted to use it to honour our grandad. After reading some of the comments I guess I was in the wrong to do so. I didn't think it was horrible in the slightest.

I wouldn't do it. Why cause family dischord over a middle name?

Tbh I don’t know why you posted. You sound like you are going to use the name anyway.

You also sound like you are going to use it to get one over on your sister.

Beeb? Been!

I thought when I saw this thread had beeb resurrected that the OP had had the baby and had resolved the issue about the baby's name with her sister.

Instead it's a story about Isabelle who is Illegitimate.

No one is using the term 'illegitimate daughter' in the year 2023 in a purely factual way.

Not so, didn't have an "attitude" with her at all, tbf🤷‍♀️ was just stating facts. She wasn't in a relationship at the time each to their own and was very supportive at the time.

My SIL, knew my husband and I both wanted Isabelle, when she had illegitimate daughter she named her Isabelle

I'm surprised you SIL didn't go for 'Bastardine' which I'm sure you'd have approved of. To be honest, I think she stole your name on purpose because she hated your attitude.

Twattery clearly runs in the family…

Honestly, we have one life, one crack at naming our kids and if yours is actually here, or about to be, you take first dibs

IF your sister ever decides to have kids, she can call her dd the name and literally nobody outside your immediate family will even know.

don’t put your life on hold for others, it’s her job to be resilient, not yours to be apologetic (you’re not even doing anything wrong)

In fact I admire your sister for naming her dog after your clearly superior legitimate child.

Poor illegitimate Isabelle. That’s a label I haven’t heard in a while.

My SIL, knew my husband and I both wanted Isabelle, when she had illegitimate daughter she named her Isabelle. So we chose Amelia instead which we now prefer with a view to calling her Millie for short. Then SIL got a dog and named her Millie. Not surprised she copies most things off us and is an entitled spoiled twat in general 🙄

For god's sake.

OP there are obviously a lot of family dynamics here and a lot of posters who clearly don't live in the real world.

I'm going to give you some sound advice - use the name you like.

Your sister does not own the name.

She doesn't even know if she wants children!

If you love the name and you don't want to use any other then don't.

A scenario for you which has never caused me or my family any problems. My only sister used the name I had always planned to used for my first son for her baby. It was our dead dad's name. I had decided if I had a boy I would call him that name. She never discussed it with me beforehand but I knew it didn't matter either way. I haven't had a boy, but if I did I would I still consider it - absolutely.

I can't stress how ridiculous it is to get so upset over picking the name you like.

The posters that are getting upset over this need to give themselves a a reality check and get out in the real world where there are REAL problems. Please don't listen to them! My god. Get a grip.

Just saw you're not talking as well

No don't do it it's mean I've read some more of your posts

You're making something that is important to her less precious!

I think it's a bit spiky to use it
Just because she doesn't have a baby atm doesn't mean she won't

Let her have that to avoid conflict, it's not cruel but it's not kind either to do it and it's a bit blasé about something you know is important to her

YABU to use the name choose another
What's your daughters first name maybe we can help names to go with it!

I'm really surprised at the replies you have received. Usually the status quo on here is 'nobody owns a name' when someone is upset their sibling or best friend due a week before them has blatantly stolen their very unusual and long loved chosen name. So the fact you want to use a typical generic filler name, and are being told it's vindictive because your sibling who isn't TTC and might not ever has it on her imaginary shortlist (not even her number one name) is downright bizarre.

However, your relationship with your sister sounds complicated, she sounds very difficult and you have been expected to put yourself out time and time again so as not to make her jealous. Your mother, bizarrely sounds like she is complicit in this. Does she just want an easy life or did she have the same jealous dynamic with her own younger sibling I wonder? I know you are no contact with her at the moment, but I honestly think your best course of action is to send her a message about it, explaining you'd be happy for her to still use it in the future for a first name should she chose to and possibly asking for her blessing. Giving her that control over the decision might be enough for her to not be a dick and help with the jealousy? I don't think you owe her this at all, but I think it will be easier for you. If she kicks off and says no, you shouldn't listen, but it gives her an easy opportunity to be the bigger person, and it sounds like she has an ego that requires that.

In my experience all of her behaviour is jealousy and low self esteem. No excuse for any of it, and I really feel for you that you have to deal with it, but I've only known people who desperately want children to say crass things about abortion as a defence mechanism. They won't dare admit any vulnerability. A 'friend' said exactly the same to me about me having a weird alien and how she'd drown any baby of hers in a bucket etc she then behaved like mother earth when she became pregnant soon after. If it was a friend I'd say cut them out and move on. Often this is the best course of action for family too, you just need to decide if it's at that stage yet.

OP just do what you want. This thread is irrelevant.

Personally I wouldn't. As other posters have said, it's just a middle name. I don't have a middle name and it's never affected my life. I think I've been asked about 3 times in 32 years what my middle name is.

But it sounds like you don't really care... which is fine too! I wouldn't care if someone used a name I liked as a middle name, or even as a first name. But if your sister was threatening to kill herself because you were getting married in the same season as her, how do you think this news would affect her? Is it worth the fallout/how upset she'd be? Wouldn't it be more satisfying to just be the bigger person and pick a different name and avoid a big drama?

I also don't understand why she has a name list that she actually takes seriously or cares about at all if she wants to kill her hypothetical alien child so.. I dunno. All seems strange.

If you like the name, there's not a single other name out there that will do as a middle name, and you don't really care about the fallout it may cause/cant speak to your sister to get her opinion (maybe she doesnt even like that name anymore), crack on and use the name!

This^

This^