What surname for the baby?

We did boys get his, girls get mine.

If we cared about all children having the same name we would have flipped a coin.

*have not had

I personally think the Father's surname but that's just my view. I have 2 children with my partner, we're not married and they both had his surname. It just seemed right to me

Why? If your answer was going to be 'tradition' then that doesn't work as it's tradition for a baby to always have the mother's surname, it's just that more parents were married in previous years. It's absolutely tradition for a baby to have it's mother's surname.

So I'm curious as to why you think it 'should' be the father's name?

Just double barrel it

You’ll end up doing it because it’s the only way to keep everyone happy. Never mind it’s a bit clunky, many are.

As your child grows up they might just use one for everyday, but that’s up to them, and then when they have children they can decide which to chuck before double barrelling the surviving one with their partner’s.

The other option is you make a new name out of your names or just pick something random, but it sounds like that might give your dad a stroke.

Or girls take hers, boys yours, but who’s to say you will have both, and people might think you are a blended family if that bothers you.

Mothers surname. Or double barrel both your surnames.

I'm never going to tell You that a baby should only take the dads surname. That a bonkers, old fashioned and sexist. There isn't a single valid reason in the world that the bay should only ever take the dads name (unless that's what both parents agree on, which isn't the case here).

Your name as a middle name and mum’s surname.

Double barrel (with or without hyphen).

Allow child to go by one surname socially when older if desired.

If child is a boy, he can drop his mother's surname upon marriage and adopt his spouse's surname in a new double barrel with his father's surname.

If child is a girl, she can drop her father's surname upon marriage and adopt her spouse's surname in a new double barrel with her mother's surname.

Easy.

Mother's name as the surname. This is traditional - although often the mother has already take the father's surname.

Yours as a middle name?

Absolutely could be an issue. South Africa for example is a bugger to get into if you’ve got different names.

Mothers name always.

This is reason people change their surname on marriage, it avoids all this. You take her name, she takes your name or pick a different name you all adopt.

Go with the birth mothers surname.

If you’re planning more than one child then one has hers and one has yours.

If your dad is expecting it to be done the traditional way then traditionally it’s the mother’s name that is given to the baby. Married, or unmarried whatever name the mother has gets used.

We went with DH’s and I felt like a crap feminist for a few minutes but I was happy with the decision and it worked better with her first and middle names (which were my choice and had significance to my side of the family).

Do consider that it might be an issue for whichever of you doesn’t get their name if they plan to take DC abroad in future without the other parent. It actually wasn’t for us - though I had a letter from DH and a copy of the BC ready, nobody was bothered. They might have looked more closely if it was DH going alone with her, or not I don’t know - it’s one of those things I’ve heard might be an issue but no direct experience!

There is no 'should'
Why do you think this?

It should be the father’s surname.

Why not take your wife's name and then you can all have the same name!

What if the surname was Matthews or Williams for example, could you really give that to a girl as a middle name? Would sound a bit odd. Double-barrelling would be the better option in that case.

We were/ are in the same situation. The girls have their dads surname and my surname as a middle name. It’s worked out really well for us personally.

The thing with double barrelling is that it just pushes the decision 'down the line'. The next generation will have 4 names to 'choose' from. If you are planning on more than one child you could alternate - 1st child your wife's surname, 2nd child yours etc, with the other parent's surname as one of the middle names.

I wouldn't alternate, or have boys with one surname and girls with another. That makes no sense as some siblings will share a surname and others not!

FWIW, I didn't change my name and the DC have DH's surname. It has never mattered one jot.

@JamesJames mother's Surname. SHE has carried the baby, not you & certainly not your father.

it is extremely unusual for a mother to walk away from her children, not unusual for fathers.

nothing stopping you taking your wife's name if you want to have the same surname as your children.

Our double-barrel is fully ridiculous.

We went with it anyway. Only fair thing.