What surname for the baby?

We have given DS both our surnames unhyphenated. For practical purposes he'll probably just go by DH's most of the time (I got the deciding vote over his first name for that reason), but I wanted him to have my surname on his passport and birth certificate, not just as a middle name.

@Pallisers

I think it would be quite hard for a boy not to have his fathers surname like that.

Use both names (rather than double barrel) officially and have them use one of the names day to day?

Not originally from the UK and this is what my children have/do.

For instance Alice Smith Bailey (rather than Alice Smith-Bailey) but goes by Alice Bailey at school for convenience.

It should be the fathers. Honestly thisnis why people change their names on marriage. Double barreled sounds so pretentious and it’s also short sighted for the next generation (so not really a viable solution to “sexist” single last names) as they can just go on adding more names.

If you have boys and they have their mothers name and not yours I garuntee they will get teased about it and feel emasculated. It’s the way it is.

Of myself and every other woman I know literally all of them have the same name as their kids which is their husbands surname (even the divorced few).

@BoredOfGrey22

Theres just as much reason to take the fathers as the mothers unless you think he is the lesser parent and the children are the mothers alone

It should be whoever is more likely to be the resident parent if you were to split up (so usually the mother)

why?

we did the opposite- if I were resident parent it would be much harder for DH to be accepted by schools/gp’s/border control with a different name. The assumption would be stepdad and he’d be constantly having to prove PR. Women are more readily accepted as mum with a different name.

What evidence do you have that there is a tradition that a baby has its mother’s surname if the parents are unmarried? Generally in the uK in the past few hundred years babies have taken their fathers surname even if parents are unmarried. Not that I think that’s right (I don’t) but it’s the tradition and I don’t see the point in pretending otherwise.

I didn't know any of this.

It should be whoever is more likely to be the resident parent if you were to split up (so usually the mother).

Then the kids won't be the same as either parent that's the most stupid suggestion ever as it'll have no meaning

i gave dds both our names (no hyphen) so that they’re both on passports etc but they can use either or both informally

Allegedly a mother with a different surname is going to have issues anyway

I have never had an issue. I would think it far more likely a man with a different surname will have issues compared to a woman….

Yes, should have the mother’s name traditionally. We double barrelled though.

Mine have their dad’s name.

we did consider both, but dh is divorced and had a shit time whenever he spoke to schools, gp’s, travelled with them as a lone man with kids.

if he had a different surname we imagined that would make things far far worse- can just imagine a James smith phoning up a GP asking about little suzie and Freddie jones’ medical records, or trying to explain why he was taking two kids with different names through an airport.

we felt is is easier for a mum to have a different name, and there’d be fewer questions asked of a lone female travelling with young kids. In fact when I took stepdc to a&e once no one asked who I was- I had to point out I wasn’t a parent and didn’t have parental responsibility. Dh gets asked if he’s dad every time.

so those were our reasons. It’s worked for us. Added benefit is I never get added to social media groups for schools and clubs, dh gets to deal with all that 😂.

Whoever carries the baby in their body, produces every drop of blood in the baby, and risks their life brining it into the world, their name is the one given to the baby.

The baby will have the mum's name in the hospital.

My passport is different to my child's name.

I think that’s the saddest thing. Women dropping their own names and giving the babies they put themselves at risk to have men’s names without thinking for even a second that maybe there are other options. :(

Allegedly a mother with a different surname is going to have issues anyway.

I gave both DDS their dads surname. Didn't occur to me to do otherwise.

What I wouldn't do is create a new surname! Travel nightmares or siblings with different surnames (weird).

I'd go with the 'better' surname, more unusual or more musical sounding. You can ask us which one is 'better'. There's bound to be one! I don't think you're Dad's opinion should be considered. He sounds pompous.

I was happy to dump my surname when I got married as H's surname sounds so great with my name. Trips off the tongue. If his name had been Rambsbottom I may have kept my own!

That’s because women tended to be married before children and would change their name upon marriage, hence their names were also their husband’s names.

unfortunately that has been taken to mean ‘it’s tradition for them to have the man’s name’ so women are gestating and having babies for men who won’t marry them AND giving them the man’s name. 🤡

you don’t have to double barrel, just give both your surnames. They’ll probably go by one in day to day use. That’s what the Spanish do and what I will be doing.

How is it better for people to think you might not be your son’s mother? 🤷🏻‍♀️

The tradition is that babies are given mum’s name. It’s only that women changed their names that babies ended up with dad’s name.

As for the world, lots of countries name their children very differently indeed.