What surname for the baby?

Do you not think that's just confirming social conditioning?

I was explaining how it is, as some people seem to having trouble grasping that, not how it should be.
If you want to divorce naming tradition from patriarchy you are going to have to try a bit harder than simply using your own surname

oh we get it.

we have to start somewhere though, and keeping our own names seems reasonable.

better that than continue with this perceived prestige of subsuming our identity into “Mrs Dh”. So many women still changing their names- and often because society still views married women as somehow more respectable, or unmarried women as unmarried because they “can’t get a man”

I actually had friends who went into bad marriages as being married and someone’s “Mrs dh” was better than being 30 and unmarried, because naturally the assumption was they were unmarried because no one wanted to marry them.

You should have allowed it.

Triple last names are rare. It would have confused people over her origins if the name wasn't clearly British and/or social class. 😂

We gave both lines. DD wants to add her great gran’s surname in as well but that would be taking it a bit far. She loves having a clear link to both sides of her family.

I was explaining how it is, as some people seem to having trouble grasping that, not how it should be.
If you want to divorce naming tradition from patriarchy you are going to have to try a bit harder than simply using your own surname.

All babies I know in the last 10 years born in different hospitals around the UK are automatically given the mother's last name. (I actually asked two SILs and two doctors who work/worked in different hospitals about this, and they say it's automatically done.)

I know married women who haven't changed their last names and so their baby is called that in hospital.

Only once the baby is registered is everything e.g. name at GP corrected to the baby's actual name.

I actually know children of married parent's who have the maternal last name rather than the fathers to prevent that name dying out. I also know children of unmarried couples were the children are given the father's last name.

Most parents who get on try to give their children a distinct last name if possible, and one that the child won't have the piss taken out off at school for that name.

@MumKnowsBetterThanYou

The reality is the vast majority of most boys still have their fathers names and it would be considered weird and feminine to be named after your mother. You might not like it, but it’s the truth. Mumsnetters might not want it to be, but it’s the truth

I think you're projecting what you think onto the current generation.

I'm assuming from what you think is normal in your posts that you haven't had kids in school for quite a while as it's so far from reality it sounds like a wind up.

Or you just know kids who go to ultra conservative schools and / or are raised to think women are weak and men are aspirational.

Yes, more people have their father's last name than their mother's.

No, that doesn't mean that children who have their mother's names will 'definitely' be mocked by their peers and / or feel emasculated.

Absolutely bizarre and hopefully based on generational difference because the alternative explanation is either sexism or a good old fashioned wind up.

DD was given my surname in hospital, as that was the name on my file. I wasn’t unmarried. DH was there. At no point were we asked what name should go on there.

My baby got my surname. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Might as well give up feminism then if there is still this determination that my name isn’t my name.

be quiet, little woman. Follow the men. Don’t question. Don’t change anything.

(Fuck. That.)

The PPs saying “you grew that beb in your tum, it gets your name, hun, simple as” (I paraphrase), can I ask them where they got their name? Yeeees! That’s right! FROM YOUR FATHER!
In English, at least, I am not aware of any surname that is not originally patronymic in essence.
And for those thinking of giving their children both names, in Britain, traditionally the father’s name comes second.
And, again, hyphenated names were formed when a man basically married into money an inheritance. He wasn’t combining with his wife’s surname, but rather her father’s, as it was done when the father of the wife had no male heirs.

Mother's name.

Kids these days are a heck of a lot more progressive than you seem to think (and seem to be!) I’ve taught in schools for over a decade and honestly this ‘teasing’ you’re so sure of is a fantasy.

Have a think about what you would like to do for a middle name. One of you might feel more strongly about eg using a favourite uncle's name as the middle name. One person gets to have their surname, the other gets to use family names for the middle names.

I genuinely feel sick at this.

Clearly our daughters have to have bigger balls than the boys now.

My daughter’s friends have always called me by my first name. Anyone calling me Mrs anything gets short shrift.

I think you’re taking the piss, but are girls not de-feminised by having their father’s names then? How does it work for the Radfords and their zillions of children?

Im just saying what will happen. If someone wants their boys to be the first canaries down the hole to break that barrier (or try to anyway) they are free to give their sons their name. However their young sons are the ones who will get the teasing not them

hate to break it to you but single mothers have been giving their children their names for decades now.

Lol all you want but if you think schoolboys don’t feel things like that you really don’t have a clue about them. It’s very important to most boys as they start to get older (between say 8 to 12) to confirm their masculine identity.

yep so important for boys to learn about female
inferiority and the importance of the males in families. One day they’ll get a little wife to keep house and raise children while they do important manly things like bestow their name upon these poor females.

or we could be teaching them about equality. But why do that when you stay in the 50’s.

@BanjoVio

Im just saying what will happen. If someone wants their boys to be the first canaries down the hole to break that barrier (or try to anyway) they are free to give their sons their name. However their young sons are the ones who will get the teasing not them

I would suggest double barrelling if at all possible otherwise you could have issues later for the parent who didn't win the surname battle. Friend had so many issues at airports all because they had her late h's name, death certificate even wasn't enough.

Personally I changed my name so much easier all around

This is working on the age-old assumption that anything perceived as feminine is inherently bad. It’s “you run like a girl” territory. I thought we were trying to move away from ridiculous assumptions like that these days 🙄

@pinkyredrose

Lol all you want but if you think schoolboys don’t feel things like that you really don’t have a clue about them. It’s very important to most boys as they start to get older (between say 8 to 12) to confirm their masculine identity.

@OverTheHillAndDownTotherSide

As I think you knew I meant that they would think that the boy being forced to take his mothers given surname and not having his fathers was feminine and he would get teased.

@KillingEvenings

There is a zero percent chance your boys don’t know their friends parents surnames. Obviously they are less likely to know them by their first names as they will probably call them Mr and Mrs so and so

Lol @ little boys feeling 'emasculated'. wtf!

@CallMeLinda You may want it to be daft but it isn’t. Most boys in school will have their fathers surnames, that’s a fact. I’m talking pre teens and teens here, not toddlers. The boys will absolutely know about this in school.