What surname for the baby?

I was replying to a post which said:

all that happens is the hospital asks what the surname is and it gets entered there. It’s not automatic to get the mothers maiden name at all.

I was pointing out that I wasn’t asked, that I don’t have a maiden name (hideous term) and that DD was given my name by the hospital automatically (as she should).

You took that in a completely different direction. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I wasn’t being rude, but bringing up what’s written on the baby’s bracelet by a medical practitioner moments after birth as if it were relevant to the legal name given when the birth is registered days or weeks later, is either obfuscatory or stupid or both. There is no correlation. The bracelet will always reference the mother, for obvious reasons, whereas at the registration of birth you can enter pretty much whatever name you like.

[Posted too soon]

Oh I just remembered I know a couple who are married, and had the same last names before marriage. They aren't of Indian origin and aren't related to one another.

Is there any reason to be rude to @OverTheHillAndDownTotherSide?

Her child, like mine and millions of others are automatically named "baby [mother's last name]" when born.

Oh I just remembered I know a couple who are married and have th

Hear hear. 👏

We can’t change history, but we do control the here and now. That a woman own’s her name regardless of it’s derivation is all that matters.

going forward, we can stop expecting people to erase a part of their identity by changing names at any point in life. We can make our own rules for naming our children. We can do better.

Lol you’ve definitely not understood my argument, which is simply that if a mother gives her child her surname, fine and good, nobody cares, but the mother got that surname from however many generations of men giving their surname to their children, so the net result vis a vis dismantling patriarchal/patrilineal naming systems is, while not quite zero, pretty fucking close to zero.
So the child’s surname is Johnson instead of Jameson. Whoop di doo!

Keeping your own name which was your father’s name? Or your mother’s name which was her father’s name?

Ah yes this old reliable comment. A perennial fave from a particular type of witless woman.

Remember, ladies, you do not have a name. It is merely on loan to you from your maternal grandfather, your father, or your husband.

Now get back in the kitchen and stir the broth.

@SayNoToCarrots
My point is that by giving your child your surname rather than their father’s you are simply giving the child a name passed to you by your father rather than their own, presuming (fairly safely) that you were given your father’s surname. It doesn’t make any sense. Just one man’s surname instead of another’s. And I say man’s surname because they are, to the extent of my knowledge, always direct or indirect patronyms.
I didn’t say anything about women taking their husbands surname, so no, it doesn’t offend me. I’m not offended by stupidity either, though it does quite often upset me.

Once a name belongs to a person, it doesn’t matter where it came from, it belongs to that person. A woman’s name is not her father’s name, it is her name.

can I ask them where they got their name? Yeeees! That’s right! FROM YOUR FATHER!

And?

Toss a coin.

It’s the vagina. Having one means you can only ever borrow a name, not truly own one. It’s bestowed permanently only on the penis.

🙄

Keeping your own name which was your father’s name? Or your mother’s name which was her father’s name? Doesn’t seem that reasonable to me.

I never understand this argument. How come my husband’s name was (and remains) “his” name, but I only ever apparently borrowed mine from my Dad? I’ve been married five years and still forgotten to give it back, god only knows why he hasn’t chased me for it.

THIS!!!

also everything in this thread is making my brain melt
my kids have my name. Their dad kept their own surname. We are absolutely the only people in my friendship group who have done this. But I don’t know why.

I don't understand why a woman taking her husband's father's name is preferable in your eyes to her keeping her own father's or grandfather's name, which has been her name from birth. It's almost like it offends you.

We went with clunky double-barrelled. If she wants to drop part later she can. I've noticed on the sports field at school the teacher only tends to use the first half when yelling instructions at her, which is fine.

No. The story is that I took the risks and physical impact of growing and birthing her, so she got my name.

DH as a middle name to recognise his input. ;)

So you just went with what the midwife wrote down?
I can’t remember your earlier post but the story as I quoted it sounds like you and your DH couldn’t figure out what to do because the midwife wrote your name on the bracelet/file. 😅

She only has 1 surname. DH’s surname is her second middle name. The whole name is already
13 syllables so adding another 3 is a bit overkill.

@Reallyreallyborednow
“oh we get it.

we have to start somewhere though, and keeping our own names seems reasonable”

Keeping your own name which was your father’s name? Or your mother’s name which was her father’s name? Doesn’t seem that reasonable to me. And let’s not forget that we are imposing these choices onto children who have none. It reminds me of those millions of mn threads about made up first names. Let your kids be nonconformist if and when they’re ready and on their own terms.

And lastly, who is “we”??

Ask someone who researches family trees how much easier it makes it.

As I said elsewhere, she got my surname and DH’s as a second middle name.

So my children have no link to my family because they have their dads surname?

Cool story, but what happened when you registered the birth?