Should baby have two middle names ‘just to be fair’ to MIL?

I wouldn’t add it. She’s had chance to name her children and to honour who she chooses, it’s your turn now. It’s not rude or unfair- you’ve carried abs birthed your baby, follow your heart with the name

If it was genuinely important to my husband id add both.
Not to be fair but for you both to have the input you both want.

And I'm sure your daughter will love having both her grandmas in her name in the future, especially when they're not around any more.

I wouldn't over-stress it, both of you get to happy and enjoy the new bundle 😊

Surely your dh also gets a say and if you can't agree then you choose another name or not have a middle name as thats fair

You have the good fortune to be married to a man who considers his mum's feelings. This isn't as common as you'd think. Add in her middle name.

DS1 has his late grandfather's name as a middle name. It doesn't flow, it's quite clunky but it's his grandfather's name and that's more important than aesthetics.

@Wibbly1008 the surname is both their surnames not just his.

This.

Had this exact same thing. I added it to please my dh. Whenever I fill out paperwork for my lo, I can usually only fit one middle name anyway so just use the one after my mum as that's the one that follows dd's first name. I don't really think about it now. I did explain to my mum why the second middle name was added and she understood, she also knew it was my preference not to so it didn't make it less special.

I would tell everyone her middle name is for your gma, who you're very close to.

What's the name? If it's something like Edna or Gertrude don't add it if you don't like it

That's exactly what we did. Ultimately it was my idea too, no pressure from DH. I wanted to use my late father's name. It didn't feel right to leave the other grandfather out, so he has both their names as middle names.

The fact that you wouldn't drop your maiden name says it all. You can't have two middle names with a double barrelled surname so I'd ditch them both; not fair on his mum, I agree with your DH.

No way, have the names you want. Your MIL got to name her DC. Also, assuming you have taken DH’s surname, you’ve already ‘honoured’ her and her family.

I always wanted to use my mums name for a middle name and did. No one commented or suggested I should have added MILs name too.

I named my son with my dad's name for a middle name but I also added my husband's dad's name too, just cause I thought it would be a bit shitty if I didn't. It'll never be used really but it's a kind gesture.

Everyone keeps going on about being fair but be fair to the baby not the grandparent! 2 middle names and a double barrel is a lot of names

Have you already told MIL what your mums middle name is, and that you plan to honour her by adding it as your DD middle name?

If not, then don't and carry on, if you can trust your mum to be sensitive about it and not blurt out how proud she is when they next meet.

If not then you're in for two middle names plus a double barrel I think. The middle names are just on paper, they don't ever get used day to day, and when form filling just use first and last 99percent of the time. It won't be any skin of your nose in a few years time, but it could mean a lot to DH and his mum. DC is as much him as you.

I vote for peace on this one!

My children have a second middle name - in reality it’s never used other than on formal documents . It doesn’t really flow well either but was added for similar reasons. I wouldn’t make the same decision again but it’s not a big enough deal to change

She is as much your dh's child as she is yours so either go with neither and pick a different one or use both.

We gave DS my dads name as a middle name no argument from DH as I said baby had his surname not mine and I always liked my dads name (I really didn’t like FIL’s name) so thank goodness.

Then we had a DD and DH suggested his mums name as a middle name this time which is a long name, we have a long surname and its a name I really don’t care for. I suggested MIL’s and SIL’s middle name (which I quite liked and knew it was MIL’s mothers, christian name) as a good compromise which was fine with DH and MIL.

I think in your case no need to honour your MIL and maybe choose another middle name maybe something with less obvious connections to your family or no middle name.

Use it as well.

Congratulations on your baby.

If your DH really feels strongly about giving his mum’s middle name along with yours I would just do it. This isn’t an objective question of right and wrong. (If it were I would say you have a stronger position if the name you want to use is your middle name as well as your mum’s and grandmother’s. I would also note that 22 characters is really not an overly long name. But none of that is the point.) Your DH is just as much the baby’s parent as you are and it’s not up to you to decide that his reasons for wanting his mum’s name are less valid than your reasons for wanting yours.

At the risk of sounding incredibly patronizing I am going to say that your emotions will be running incredibly high right now, as much or more so than at any other time in your life. The decisions you are making right now feel critically important but as time goes on and your child’s amazing little personality comes out there will be so many other things to think about and you will realize that most of it doesn’t matter at all. Your baby is so lucky to have two loving parents and a supportive extended family to welcome her. These relationships are the things that will matter in her life and yours. It’s not worth hurting someone’s feelings or creating hard feelings with your DH over a middle name. Assuming this isn’t one of those controlling MIL/weak DH scenarios I would not choose this hill to die on.

I would do it, but I'm a people pleaser. My son has both my dad and my father in laws names as middle names. This is despite the fact DS is the only grandchild on my side and my in-laws have numerous others, none of whom have any of their names.

Does MIL even need to know? Would she know your mum’s middle name??

Long first name, two middle names and double barrelled last name does seem a lot.

Is this your first child? Will there be more? You don’t want to fall into sibling middle name unfairness either!

Mine is 22 (didn’t change name)

Sister is 33.

DD is 28.