Am I right to be upset with my sister in law?

Use the name. As stated by someone else cousins with the same name is no issue or is not in my family

Use the name. She’s already causing tension by being a pick. If she goes on to name her baby the same name then she’s the pettiest pick in the world. Make sure you tell everyone that you chose the name first and told her THEN she stole it.

I have two nieces with the same name- both grown up now. We always tagged on their middle names to differentiate. It was never a problem.

but it will cause friction for my partner with parents and other siblings.

I would contact my parents now, if I were DH. Say how surprised you were that she has used your baby name after you’d shared it with her and that you wouldn’t be changing your mind so they’ll have two grandchildren with the same name.

I wouldn’t leave it till the baby is born.

If it’s any help, I have two cousins called Julie and nobody in our extended family has ever batted an eyelid at this.

Just say to family that it was also in your top 3 which SIL was aware of when she picked it so you'll still be considering it because obviously she doesn't mind having babies with the same name. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Just use it

No one owns a name

Your partner is a bit of an idiot for sharing the list

Brilliant.

Use it. What is the name? One kid will probably need to use a nickname version, otherwise it'll be "dark Amy/blonde Amy" or something like that etc.

@sm8724 Keep the name.
She is a b*tch saying "I'm having it."
Your dc will be born first
Best of luck with the pregnancy, after your previous heartbreak you absolutely deserve to keep the name you love.
Next pregnancy 🤞tell your dh to keep quiet re the name you choose.

Get your DH to reply to her, ‘sorry, I’m having it’ message now with, ‘Us too-yours can be Dave2!’ and leave it there.

Your DH should reply ‘LOL, Can’t have too much of a good thing xx’ and give your baby your favourite name.

Be calm and assertive, shrug off any comeback, don’t escalate further and as far as possible don’t surround the fantastic news of your pregnancy be surrounded by feuding and fighting.

100% use it

What's the name? Is it a common one?

I would have replied we're having it too. Yours can be Sally 2 or whatever the name is.

Why is it ridiculous? Can't both couples, for example, choose to name their child after a much loved joint grandparent?

Why is it a shame? Shame shouldn't be involved in the birth of a grandchild. Joy.

Please please please call your child the name you want. If she then wants to call her child the same thing then she's the idiot here.

We nearly had very similar in that FIL jokingly refered to my SIL's baby by a name we had decided on but not told anyone for ours due a few months before. In the end DH had to speak to SIL and she said it was ok FIL was just joking and ours turned out the be the other sex anyway.

You don't want to not call yours it and then she doesnt call hers it.

Congratulations! That's amazing that you finally have this little bundle of joy.

Your SIL is being more than unreasonable. But honestly telling other people these names always seems to end the way.

Just use the name. If she cant get over it the that's on her. If someone says ' oh I thought that's the name SIL was using', dont make a big deal of it and casually tell them what happened. You will probably find no one is shocked.

But also, if she chooses to then not use the name, that's on her. If the kids have the same name growing up they will love it. I ha e the exact same name as someone in my family and we are almost the same age. It's never been an issue.

If she is only just pregnant you will more than likely find she will change her mind on the name. Most ppl do chop and change over the 9 months. How would you then feel if you didnt use it..... and she didnt use it.

But at the time OP names her baby, there WON'T be another baby called that name.

The decision over whether to call a baby the same name as a close family member is for SIL to make - not OP

Use the name you want. I changed my mind several times when I was pregnant, so might she. I had a name in mind for my baby and as soon as I saw him I decided that wasn't what he looked like and instantly choose a name we had rejected, either of you could do that to.

When I was pregnant, both times, I refused to discuss names with anyone but DP and I made it clear to DP that the same applied to him to avoid this situation from happening. Our first baby's name was actually a secret between us for several days before we announced it.

If family members say 'can't you use another one?'

You say 'ah no it's been my favourite since DD was born - that's why we mentioned it to SIL. But we really really don't mind her using it too - we will probably use x nickname anyway so it'll be fine!'

It’s not that odd to have people with the same name in families
my gran was Mary and her cousin was also Mary
amongst the men I have uncles cousins great uncles all called William and we define them similar to what pp said in their family ‘big bill wee bill billy etc’

anyway everyone call their baby what they like that’s that!

To her I would reply - 'as DH mentioned to you a while ago, XX name is on our list so it's likely we will call our child this, but we really don't mind if you want to use it too, when your little one is born. We don't own the name and it'll be quite cute really, two cousins called the same. We are likely to use XX nickname anyway so it shouldn't be a problem at all. Can't wait until they can play together!'

You state your case, looking infinitely reasonable and what can she say back to that really???