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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Original poster

Husband or mine names part 2

160 replies

Depakote · 24/07/2022 19:27

Hey, it's me again lol. Baby is born, and it's girl. She still doesn't have a name.

Husband and I are still "arguing" about the name because he is picking , what I find, a ridiculous name! He dropped the "Harper-Rose" when I showed him the comments. But now he's determined to have her named "Levi-Lily" Please tell me it ridiculous because his mother thinks it's a good name.

We both like the name Alba, but he keeps saying she looks like a Levi-Lily. No. She does not. Anyone like his choice?

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Clairewentoverthemountain · 26/07/2022 08:42

OP, I am sorry if I'm repeating what others have said but I literally had to stop reading your posts because they were so disturbing. I couldn't continue past the point where you said that the first time he saw you, he knew he was going to marry you. YOU HAVE KNOWN THIS MAN SINCE YOU WERE 6. The first time he saw you, you were 6. Your husband, the father of your daughter, looked at a 6 year old child and thought "One day I'm going to marry you."

This is sickening in itself, even without all the other stuff. But the other stuff is so, so disturbing too. He knew you since 6, helped you with your homework, and got with you when you were 17 years old? He basically groomed you.

Now he has total control over you, you can't go out without him, you can't even go to work without being harrassed, he is physically and financially controlling?

This is one of the most disturbing things I've ever read on Mumsnet and I beg you, please listen to women who are expressing their concern for you. You said yourself that this is all you have known as this man groomed you since childhood and now has gained control of you. So you might not get how wrong this is, and that's not your fault. You're right where he wants you. But to women outside, looking in on your situation, you are a victim of someone seriously, seriously creepy, and I hate to say this but I wouldn't count on your child being safe either. How do you know he's not going to look at her at 6 years old and think about trading you in for a younger model? Best case scenario you stay with him and continue to be controlled and your child has to grow up learning that it's normal to be so controlled by a partner, and she will end up in the same situation one day. Worst case scenario he's a risk to her and to you.

Please at least think about what is being said.

mathanxiety · 26/07/2022 01:36

@WaltzingWaters yes, you are right.

mathanxiety · 26/07/2022 01:32

Levi is not only a boy's name, it's the name of the hereditary priests of the House of Israel, the Levites.

A girl named Levi-Lily will be called Heavy-Lily by all the comedians she ever encounters. Yes I know that's not how Levi is pronounced. But the temptation will be impossible to resist.

And nothing screams, "Daddy wanted a boy" like shoehorning a boy's name in.

What the fuck is wrong with your stupid husband? Why does he want to do this to his baby girl?

Can he hyphenate his name with a girl's name and see how he likes it for a week? "Pleased to meet you, I'm James-Matilda McBonkers".

WaltzingWaters · 26/07/2022 00:30

If all of this is real OP then please get out. Please see how awful it is. Please protect your daughter. His behaviour is not normal. It is not loving. It is not caring. It is controlling, abusive and completely and utterly creepy. Abuse doesn’t have to mean he is physically abusive. What he is doing is abusive in so many ways.
I would be seriously concerned about your daughter, your “DH” is obviously deeply creepy in so many ways.

FurAndFeathers · 25/07/2022 22:43

Depakote · 25/07/2022 13:04

Thanks. No, I stopped studying because he didn't want to. To be honest, I don't know much about finances, I am a bit stupid. But he's the one who take cares of me financially. I don't have a bank card or bank account so he normally just gives me cash, or I use his.

As for hobbies, yes but I do them at home. I have my parents as a support network, even if they hate my husband, I still spend time with them

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So you’re being financially abused as well as coercively controlled?
you aren’t stupid, you’re disempowered and belittled because it suits your husband to keep you vulnerable and dependent on him

DaisyP24 · 25/07/2022 22:18

Levi-Lily is awful

Redhair1 · 25/07/2022 22:10

Why is he so adamant to give her a boys name. Levi or James? She would be picked on.

LilyMarshall · 25/07/2022 22:08

i thought he was a nob the first thread of yours. This thread is so sad. He groomed you and is abusing you. It has been going on aince you were ao young you have no idea what a normal relationship is.

make an appointment with a counsellor.

and register your baby asap with the name you want. Including surname. When you realise what he is and leave him, youll hate she has his surname he wont allow you to change.

allboysherebutme · 25/07/2022 21:58

Go on your own and register the baby if when you're married he does have to be there, call her what you like. Lol. X

allboysherebutme · 25/07/2022 21:57

Awful. Harper- Rose is better than that. X

17caterpillars1mouse · 25/07/2022 20:42

Levi-Lily is erm... Interesting.

To be really honest it sounds very downmarket and I think people would judge her, or you, before meeting her.

I quite like Alba though it wouldn't be my personal choice. There is nothing wrong with Lily either but Levi is awful and Levi-Lily even worse

lastminutedotcom22 · 25/07/2022 20:35

Omg this has got to be a joke

Levi Lily ???????

Then again "Alba" is equally as bad

BiscuitLover3678 · 25/07/2022 20:06

Surely you trust your parents to have your back? You have a kid now! Look after her.

BiscuitLover3678 · 25/07/2022 20:05

Depakote · 25/07/2022 15:51

I will never allow anyone to do anything to my daughter.

Yes but we could argue that I did that to myself, by moving in with him and being to stupid to take care of my finances.

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This is so sad he has done all of this to you and you still think it’s your fault :(

BiscuitLover3678 · 25/07/2022 20:03

Middle name I meant!

BiscuitLover3678 · 25/07/2022 20:03

Lily-Alba with Levi as a first name if he insists

LeavesOnTrees · 25/07/2022 18:56

OP if it is real, your posts are very shocking.

Maybe as your daughter grows and approaches 6 years old you'll see how disturbing the situation is.

In the meantime I suggest you do an online finance course, get your own bank account, and as a pp said get the child benefit paid into it.

Glad to hear your parents are there if needs be.

babyjellyfish · 25/07/2022 16:01

Depakote · 25/07/2022 15:54

OK. I am gonna go now, because this whole "you are a troll" thing is upsetting and annoying. If you think I am one. Then OK be it. Thank you for people who tried to help and give me new perspectives. Byebye

If you are genuine then I really recommend posting on the relationships board.

Please think about what people have said. We are only concerned about you and your daughter.

Justleaveitblankthen · 25/07/2022 16:00

So but I burst out laughing at Levi Lily 😂😅 Is he on drugs? 🤭

Original poster
Depakote · 25/07/2022 15:55

TulipVictory

It is for epilepsy.

OP posts:
Original poster
Depakote · 25/07/2022 15:54

OK. I am gonna go now, because this whole "you are a troll" thing is upsetting and annoying. If you think I am one. Then OK be it. Thank you for people who tried to help and give me new perspectives. Byebye

OP posts:
TulipVictory · 25/07/2022 15:53

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Cocowatermelon · 25/07/2022 15:53

In real life people could clearly see you’re in your early twenties and he’s nearly 50. And then the rest would be totally believable.

heldinadream · 25/07/2022 15:51

Has this happened, fellow mumsnetters?

Husband or mine names part 2
Original poster
Depakote · 25/07/2022 15:51

babyjellyfish · 25/07/2022 15:33

You say he isn't abusive and yet the more information you give, the more you are describing abusive behaviour.

Reading your posts is literally like ticking off boxes on a bingo card of classic abusive behaviour.

www.gov.uk/government/publications/domestic-abuse-recognise-the-signs/domestic-abuse-recognise-the-signs

Going through your posts in turn:

  1. He decided he was going to marry you when you were six years old, i.e. a whole 10 years before you were considered old enough to consent to sex and 12 years before you were considered old enough to marry without parental consent.
  2. You're still in pain from giving birth and he is "giving you a hard time" because you won't agree to give your child a name he loves and you hate, rather than the one you previously agreed upon together.
  3. He's said he wants to keep getting you pregnant until you provide him with a son.
  4. He has had violent physical fights with your dad.
  5. He has "ruined your family life".
  6. He controls who you are allowed to be friends with.
  7. He controls where and when you are allowed to go out.
  8. If you go out without him he will bombard you with phone calls and make sure you don't have a good time.
  9. When he is out, he calls the landline to check you are at home where he wants you to be.
  10. He stopped you from studying and getting any qualifications.
  11. You don't have your own bank account or access to your own money, meaning you are completely financially dependent on him.
  12. This is the first thing you've pushed back on in 17 years and he isn't willing to listen to what you want.
  13. He makes you share your location so he can check up on you.
  14. He controls what you wear and makes you dress like a porn star.
All of these are absolutely classic signs of abuse.

Added to that, the fact that he groomed you to be his future wife from the age of 6 and he makes you dress like a porn star when you don't want to make me worry that it isn't safe for your baby daughter to be around him without supervision.

Please listen to your family and take your daughter far away from this horrible, dangerous man.

And for goodness sake, register her birth before he can. Call your parents in secret and get them to book the appointment and take you to it, get it done, and then leave him.

Show quote history

I will never allow anyone to do anything to my daughter.

Yes but we could argue that I did that to myself, by moving in with him and being to stupid to take care of my finances.

OP posts: