Holy moly we have a problem

I asked him where these had come from (after saying ummmm no...) and he has said he was trying to find names very unlike Sebastian.

Suggest taking the conversation away from names just now and talk about what he's said here.

Sounds as though there are some feelings to be expressed about this baby and how he's feeling about the loss of Sebastian.

I'm very sorry for your loss. 💐

However, they are all dreadful names, including yours.

If you are intending to find out the sex, perhaps you could hold off on the name discussion until you know either way.

Sorry for your loss.

Your husband's namelist has classic names on it. Cruz (no e) is ordinary Spanish to the point of boring. Axel very ordinary in several European countries. Flint and Maverick sound Aussie to me.
Any conversation might best start with checking what they mean to him.
Best wishes for your new little one.

@clairewitchproject , that is beautiful. I love your names, gorgeous.
Benedict is a favourite of mine, as is Dominic and Tristan.

WOT?!

The OPs husband has no actual names on list.

OP I just think you have to say to him you understand where he’s coming from but your child has to live with this name, so he needs to chuck that list away and start again. If he protests tell him to introduce himself as Maverick for the week and see how he likes it.

I'm so sorry for the loss of Sebastian.

Your husband may well be scared of the past repeating itself so is choosing a name that almost isn't real if that makes sense, avoiding a true identity at this stage, might be his way of protecting himself.

I'm sure that a bit more time and a lot of talking and this will probably resolve itself.

Your names are all gorgeous.

You've shared a poem which tells OP to "Forget him?" Wow

Axel makes me think of a car 🤨

This is outing so I have reverted to a very old username.

I have two children each born after miscarriages - which I recognise is not anywhere near as traumatic as your experience.

I went with meaning of names as a secret significance. My son is Benedict (blessing) as he is my little blessing, a ray of hope after the sadness. My daughter is Zoë (life) because she was a bright symbol of life.

I also had to call my son Benedict after the poem Benediction by Rabindranath Tragore. Your husband might find it healing or validating in some way?

"Bless this little heart, this white soul that has won the kiss of
heaven for our earth.
He loves the light of the sun, he loves the sight of his
mother's face.
He has not learned to despise the dust, and to hanker after
gold.
Clasp him to your heart and bless him.
He has come into this land of an hundred cross-roads.
I know not how he chose you from the crowd, came to your door,
and grasped you hand to ask his way.
He will follow you, laughing the talking, and not a doubt in
his heart.
Keep his trust, lead him straight and bless him.
Lay your hand on his head, and pray that though the waves
underneath grow threatening, yet the breath from above may come and
fill his sails and waft him to the heaven of peace.
Forget him not in your hurry, let him come to your heart and
bless him."

Maverick & he can't even blame baby hormones

I'm so sorry for your loss of Sebastian. I agree with waiting a bit longer to reflect and discuss names. Your DH's list is pretty much 'List of Invincible Men' and I totally understand his fear and wanting to do all he can to make his third child safe. This baby is also a new person in their own right whatever their birth order and whatever happened with their sibling. Hopefully as time passes it will all get a little easier to work out.

I think you need a conversation about Sebastian, I understand your husband wanting to 'get away' from what must have been a horrible time for you both.

Why not think about acknowledging Sebastian if this baby is a boy? I don't mean reuse the name, but something like Benedict which means blessed or miracle.

There are quite a few names that mean 'brother'.

Luca / Lucas - bringer of light

Kaleo is a Hawaiian name (kaw-LEH-oh). I can see someone stumbling across it and liking it and thinking of using it much like other recently-popular-outside-of Hawaii Hawaiian names like Kai, Keanu, Lailani, etc. I wonder if what's making your husband love it is that it IS a classic, like Sebastian (in its own cultural context) but also something he never thought of before? The same thing could be true of some of the others, like Axel or Kato.

Perhaps all of his old favourite names (and yours, and the ones you both agreed on) are out of bounds for him because his context for any of those names is comparing them to Sebastian or putting them in sibset with Matilda? You have some time before deciding on a name, will he talk about how he's feeling?

Could you suggest using Alexander and having Axel or Xander as a nickname? Xander sounds like it might be up his street but isn't too wild, and you could call him a nn that you prefer. Alexander is so versatile.

Hunter is a lovely name, the rest of his are not so good!
Sorry for your loss

A Flinn-between!

Sorry.

Your DP is up on his popular culture, isn't he? Is Kaleo the band (from Iceland) not famous in the UK? That's obviously where he heard it from.

I agree with a PP that surely Axel our thereabouts is a good compromise.

If you like Finn and he likes Flint maybe you could try Flyn as an in-between?

I'm so sorry for your loss OP.
In such circumstances your DP's reasoning behind his list is very understandable.
I do think Finn from your list has quite a different feel to Sebastian - could it be a compromise?

I'm sorry, sweet dreams Sebastian.

Hunter and Brody are both decent names although I'd spell Brody as Brodie. I do like Dominic

I'm sorry for the loss of your boy Sebastian

Most of his names are terrible. Awful.

On the bright side so are some of yours.

Hunter - bad
Maverick - badder than bad
Neo - teen Goth parents would call their sprog Neo
Storm - are you giving birth to a male stripper?
Axel - REALLY LIKE IT. WELL DONE, DH.
Kaleo - sounds like a low carb snack brand
Kato - don't hate if it's spelt Cato
Brody - this one is fine
Cruze - ha ha. NO.
Flint - good Lord. Clint isn't so bad.

Rupert - just as bad as Kaleo et al
Alexander - solid
Dominic (top choice) (Dom) - solidish (Dominic Cummings keeps slithering into my mind tho)
Finn - nice name if a bit popular right now. great namesake from Irish mythology
William (Bill / Billy) - boring. Bill is so blah.
Max - fine if a bit basic
Frederic (Fred / Freddy) - yuck
Arlo - very 2015 trendy London parents
Rufus - bit doggyish
Ralph - okay
Hugh - he'll drive a Rover and be a bit dull
Alexis - very dramatic, very Dynasty!
Hugo - they're everywhere these days.

I think Axel is my favourite so on balance I hand the win to your husband and his bonkers array of bad names.

Remind your husband you are having a baby NOT a puppy.
Maverick is a Cairn Terrier.

Is he naming a child or the newest crew on the Starship Enterprise?

So sorry for your loss.

Your names are a lot better than his.

What about Theodore (Teddy), Maximilian (Max), Felix, Alexander, Gabriel