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Baby names

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AIBU wanting to give DD my mum's name as her middle name

61 replies

mamamaeve · 17/07/2022 20:53

DD is four weeks old. We still have no name for her. It's a ridiculous situation - we are down to two. A tough decision and husband has strong views and essentially vetoes anything I like.

First name conundrum aside, I would like to give her my mum's first name as her middle name. My DM is utterly amazing with the children, she has them 3x days a week (minimum), is our absolute lifeline whenever we need back up care/a night away/emergency sick cover. When the kids have any illnesses she will move her working week around to be able to help us so that we can still work. She takes them swimming and has done since they were all 18 months old (she's the only granny in the pool!). Not that the financial stuff should be important, but to avoid any drip feed, they also pay the kids' private school fees, have trust funds set up for them etc. The children will not struggle financially- because of my DP.

By comparison, my MIL lives 4 hours away so cannot be as on tap as my DM but - that said - she is probably at the other extreme in terms of how hopeless and disinterested she is. There is still no talk of coming to see their new grandchild (also no card or gift sent...), and for our other DC it's always taken them a good 6-7 weeks to come over. When my own DP cannot cover for something, I will work down a list of alternative options before calling on MIL as she's so wrapped up in her own life and v unreliable. Nothing wrong with her approach, but because of that she has no real bond with the kids. It's all a bit awkward when they come over, takes the kids a while to warm to her etc. When she tries to give any advice on the kids I find it all quite cringeworthy as she doesn't have a clue.

I'd like to give our DD my mum's first name as DD middle name. DH doesn't agree and says it would p!ss his own mother off. I actually don't think it would, but I also don't think we should be paying any sort of testament to her. I really, really would like this little nod for my mum and feel she would be really touched.

Any views?

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Squeezedmiddlemoan · 17/07/2022 21:28

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LadyApplejack · 17/07/2022 21:14

I'm with you. Your mum has well and truly "earned" that tribute. Assuming the DC have your husband's surname his side has already been honoured 3 times over.

UniversalTruth · 17/07/2022 21:12

Does your DD have the father's family name? Seems more than fair to have a middle name from the maternal family

feellikeanalien · 17/07/2022 21:10

We were quite lucky since DDs middle name was both my mum's name and DP's mum's middle name.

DaisyDozyDee · 17/07/2022 21:08

Our children each have a (different) middle name linking to my side of the family. Their surname is already a link to their father’s side of the family, so we consider it as one name from each side of the family alongside a first name chosen just for them.
If you’re planning on using your DH’s surname for the baby, then the same situation would apply.

easyday · 17/07/2022 21:07

My daughter has my mothers name as one of hers. I like my mil's name too but we chose my husband's paternal grandmother's name as her second middle name. Don't think my mil cared that much (also a hands off grandmother).
I think there's a compromise there - why not have first name, your mums name, your mil name, last name. Most of the time it's the first middle name that counts.

SpaceJamtart · 17/07/2022 21:05

Its unreasonable for a grandparent to ne pissed off at not being honored in a childs name, especially a disinterested one.
And honestly weird and childish behaviour to be jealous of another grandparents name being used.

canteatlovefood · 17/07/2022 21:03

I gave my daughter my mums name as a middle name. Hands on, best nanny ever, kids love her. They don't really have much of a relationship with my MIL for various reasons.
My husband didn't push it anyway as I think he knew it would be different. It's an honor to name someone after someone so why would you do it after someone who doesn't deserve it.
Plus, my MIL has 2 daughter of her own and I think it's on them to name their children after their mother, not me.

midairchallenger · 17/07/2022 21:03

I don't see why a name shouldn't be passed down the maternal line, men pass names down the paternal line all the time.

It's not some kind of participation prize where either all her ancestors give her a name or none of them do.

HarryTheLass · 17/07/2022 20:56

Why not both names? I can see both points of view tbh.

Reluctantadult · 17/07/2022 20:56

Well I agree with you... But IF it's a situation where you're choosing between a first name you put forward and one your partner put forward, maybe whoever 'loses' could choose the middle name.