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Baby names

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Original poster

One week old baby- husband won't discuss a name.

238 replies

busymamaof2 · 01/07/2022 02:19

DD3 born last week. Now ten days old.

For the other two we compromised on names, although husband always exaggerates claims he feels the other two were names he compromised on and were never his own choices. This is wrong. We both compromised and neither got our first choice.

DD3 and he wants something so plain and generic I just cannot even contemplate it. Angela. I don't like it. Fairly dated now. We are also Scottish and Irish so everyone is expecting something Scottish, Irish or Celtic especially as other two DC have those connotations to their names.

He is refusing to even have a discussion on any other name. Keeps saying hello little Angela to the baby to wind me up. Last night I said I wouldn't be bullied into a name I didn't like, especially as this week he has gone straight back to work 3 days post birth, he has been no help with the baby. In a week I'd say he's changed 3 nappies. Given her one feed. Yet despite his hopelessness it's a my way or highway name.

The amount of texts I am receiving asking about a name is driving me mad and clearly indicates we're having problems.

What would you do?

OP posts:
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NotRainingToday · 01/07/2022 10:55

Rickrollme · 01/07/2022 06:51

Nansi Angela or Megan Angela are both nice.

Except they both have the 'an' 'an' thing going on

Dreamwhisper · 01/07/2022 10:51

You need to stop this by giving her a name and registering it. He’s behaving like this because there is a vacuum.
if he’s not going to discuss it… well, you tried. If one of you is going to be disappointed, it is not going to be the one of you that carried her for nine months.
Pick a name, quickly, do not compromise, and go and register without him. Tell everyone. Then the name thing is over (but you are still stuck with him)

Um this is terrible, awful advice. We're only given a one sided snap shot and you're advocating completely toxic cruel behaviour.

You should though talk to him one more time, say all the reasons you don't like Angela or just reiterate how you hate it and cannot call your child it. Remind him that you're ditching your first choices too in order to accommodate his vetos, and that you need to name the baby as it's getting too late now.

Only then if he still refuses to even have a discussion would you be within your rights to become equally inflexible. Sounds like a lot of heightened emotions around at this time, I'd tell him that you shouldn't be quarrelling at a time like this and be enjoying that special newborn time together.

Penrythejanitor · 01/07/2022 10:50

Spritelite · 01/07/2022 08:48

My DP did this. We agreed on a name right after the gender scan, and were happy with it up until a week before the baby was born when he decided that it was a stupid name and he hated it. He decided on a really plain boring name which I said I didn’t like, but he refused to speak about it at all and just completely shut down when I tried to discuss it. Baby was born and he told his whole family and all the midwives that she was called what he wanted to call her, so I had loads of cards and congratulation messages with this name that I hated on it!

Every time I said that that’s not her name, I don’t like it at all I got really weird looks and people either seemed really uncomfortable or just said ‘Oh might as well just call her that, it’s her name now!’. DP sulked and sulked and it was completely ruining the new born experience and I felt so guilty that she didn’t have a name for over a week that I eventually caved in. Five years later and I still hate the name, hate (now ex) DP and his family for bullying me into it and feel even worse because she’s the only child that I ever plan to have.

Do NOT give him his own way!!

Just on this, is there anyway you can change it now, or add a middle name and call her that?

I'm only musing upon what a solution would be to this horrible situation. I guess if your daughter likes her name, then that is that.

To the OP, your husband seems a right piece of work. OK, he may be pushing for a name but there's no need to be a complete twat about it, or not do any parenting. Like most posters will be thinking, I suspect you have more problems here than the name of your child

MrJi · 01/07/2022 10:46

mocktail · 01/07/2022 07:57

Megan is Welsh, and Nansi is a Welsh spelling of an English name (apparently with Hebrew origins). So neither will reflect your Scottish and Irish ancestry.

Angela is a perfectly nice name, just not to your taste, so there's no need to be rude about it. At the end of the day it's just your preference vs his - neither is right or wrong.

Agree with this.
Neither of those reflect Ireland or Scotland. Do you live in either country ?
I like Angela, but if you hate it then you must find something else or it will always annoy you.

starfishmummy · 01/07/2022 10:45

While I don't like Angela much, it's preferable to Nansi!!
It also seems to be Welsh and not reflecting your Scottish/Irish heritage either

Pipsquiggle · 01/07/2022 10:33

So you both have power of veto.

You have vetoed 'Angela,' he has vetoed 3 of your names.

You both now have to put other names forward and get to a name of least objection.

Essentially you should both have separate lists of names in priority order.

I wouldn't discount Angela as a middle name, that could be your olive branch.

ladycarlotta · 01/07/2022 10:31

Since Nancy is traditionally a nickname for Anne, I don't see why it couldn't also be a nickname for Angela. Would that be at all workable?

Viviennemary · 01/07/2022 10:30

I actually prefer Angela to any of the names you hav e chosen but thats not the point as it isn't my choice to make. I dont think its a good idea to go and register the birth yourself ignoring his preferences. If he has always liked the name then it could be a middle nsme it but if you hate it then tell him to come up with a few other names he likes

Eeksteek · 01/07/2022 10:29

mathanxiety · 01/07/2022 06:17

The name problem is just a symptom of deeper issues here I fear.

He has checked out of parenting, checked out of partnering you, and stopped communication dead.

You have a lot going on, but somehow or other you need to get to the bottom of it. What he is doing is not acceptable.
Keeps saying hello little Angela to the baby to wind me up.
This is awful. The baby is his own real, live child, and he is using her to get under your skin, and apparently that is the only involvement he has with her.

This man really dislikes you, OP, or really dislikes being a father of three. Either way, there are huge problems in the relationship.

Wrt names - start again. Ditch all your favourites and ditch Angela.
If he won't budge, go and register her yourself, and if he kicks up about it, you can safely assume he provoked the fight for reasons of his own.

This. Independently write a Very Long List of names you each like. Then pick from the (likely small) pool of names on both lists. Out of a hat if need be. The original list might take hundreds. So be it.

Then go to Relate. He needs to step up or ship out. Regardless of your own issues and your joint issues, checking out of parenting on a third child is not forgivable or sustainable. Using a child, (a newborn no less!) to get at a partner us also very indicative of big problems.

RockinHorseShit · 01/07/2022 10:28

They're married. You realise her husband could 'fuck her and go register his name choice'?

And🙄

She carried the child in her body for 9 months & all that entails & then went through labour. I'm all for equal say, but her DH isn't doing that, he's behaving like a controlling dick, so in my book he's given up his right to a say, by behaving like a dick

& yes, that's a possibility he could register the name himself, but after this behaviour, that would be divorce for me & id be fixing the name situation

KosherDill · 01/07/2022 10:27

mathanxiety · 01/07/2022 06:17

The name problem is just a symptom of deeper issues here I fear.

He has checked out of parenting, checked out of partnering you, and stopped communication dead.

You have a lot going on, but somehow or other you need to get to the bottom of it. What he is doing is not acceptable.
Keeps saying hello little Angela to the baby to wind me up.
This is awful. The baby is his own real, live child, and he is using her to get under your skin, and apparently that is the only involvement he has with her.

This man really dislikes you, OP, or really dislikes being a father of three. Either way, there are huge problems in the relationship.

Wrt names - start again. Ditch all your favourites and ditch Angela.
If he won't budge, go and register her yourself, and if he kicks up about it, you can safely assume he provoked the fight for reasons of his own.

I agree, the marriage is in trouble. I'm surprised a third child was considered prudent in the circumstances.

That said, Angela is miles better than Nansi. I'm not really sure what the big objection is.

Tigofigo · 01/07/2022 10:26

busymamaof2 · 01/07/2022 02:38

It wouldn't go with the first name (or the one I like).

Show quote history

It doesn't matter if a middle name doesn't "go" - just have Angela as a middle name if that's a compromise he can work with.

I like the name Anjali

MintyGreenDreams · 01/07/2022 10:25

Angel?

ReneBumsWombats · 01/07/2022 10:24

Smileandtheworldsmileswithyou · 01/07/2022 02:30

Angela as a middle name and give her a name you both agree on, if he won’t discuss it tell him you will be choosing a name and getting her registered.

Well don't TELL him if you plan to do this.

Easilystartled · 01/07/2022 10:24

It’s obvious from the comments that names are totally subjective.
So the only sensible advice I can give you is to tell your DH that he’s being a wanker, is upsetting you and you both need to scrap any previously vetoed names, start afresh and find one that you both like.
Oh, and please don’t call her Nansi

SurpriseSurprise · 01/07/2022 10:21

How about Angeline. It’s a bit softer sounding

CottonSock · 01/07/2022 10:19

I know plenty of Megan's and a Nansi, but we live in Wales.
I also agree with you on Angela

SkeletonFight · 01/07/2022 10:18

Angela sounds like an old woman but so does Nancy however it is spelled ...I like Orla Angela. It sounds lovely.

Hallyup89 · 01/07/2022 10:18

RockinHorseShit · 01/07/2022 09:51

If he won't discuss it, fuck him & go register your name choice.

When DH was like this, I took so much & then took control & telling him that he has a say in the name, but if he's going to be a dick about it, as I actually give birth, the final say was mine whether he liked it or not, he soon sorted himself out then.

Take no shit

They're married. You realise her husband could 'fuck her and go register his name choice'?

Is that ok?

PestoPasghetti · 01/07/2022 10:17

How about Angelica? I think that's far nicer and more interesting than Angela. Nancy Angelica has a nice flow to it.

Purpleavocado · 01/07/2022 10:17

Angie could actually be cute for a child. Yes, it's all very 70's, and older people might start singing Angie Baby, but it's sweet.

MurderAtTheBeautyPageant · 01/07/2022 10:16

Yes, it's not about whether randoms on MN like or dislike the name Angela. It's about your husband being an arse on more than one front. I'd have so little patience with this kind of man.

RJnomore1 · 01/07/2022 10:11

Is he a Celtic fan? I’m with the man.

if you are in Scotland now you’re running out of time to register.

Please don’t use Nansi, she will spend her life bring mis spelt. And yes I know it’s a genuine spelling but it will happen constantly.

HaveringWavering · 01/07/2022 10:10

Meg(h)an only makes people think of one person these days.

Angela Rayner is fab.

I echo what someone else said about Angelica having a moment because of Hamilton.

Why are you suggesting Welsh names if you want Irish and Scottish heritage to be reflected?

MolkosTeenageAngst · 01/07/2022 10:06

I don’t understand why some people are commenting that they like Angela and you should use it. Honestly, who cares whether anybody else does or doesn’t like the name, the only two people who matter are you and your husband. If you don’t like it then it’s completely reasonable not to use it. You need to compromise and find a name you both like, I don’t see why you should back down on this.