Baby name - deep anxiety 4 months in

This kind of crippling indecision is absolutely horrible, I deeply empathise. Once you are in the paralysing grip of the overthinking and uncertainty it's very hard to get out.

I think you may feel paralysed because, as others have said, there is no ultimately 'right' answer and therefore no way to bring your thinking to a conclusive decision. At the same time as not knowing what name you 'should' choose (what does 'feeling right' actually look like?), it feels like a big responsibility. You might spend months more searching for the 'right' name and then your son might hate it (just to give one possible scenario). (Looked at from the other way round, he might love the name he currently has!)

Also, the fact that you have now invested so much in this decision probably makes it seem even more insurmountable - the stakes are higher than they were at the outset.

I suggest stepping away from the search for the right name for now and instead reassure yourself that there are other possible ways to get to a name you really like later on. e.g. could you give him another name as a nickname that becomes his everyday name, could you add a second middle name? Until when can you easily change his name (I think it is one year). What is the worst case scenario if you leave his name as it is?

I also wonder if choosing the name under time pressure contributed to your anguish about it now - you say you were highly stressed at the moment of choosing. Perhaps not being able to get the decision settled in your mind before registering the name is the real cause of the stress (rather than the choice of name itself).

For the indecisiveness in general it might help you to do some reading and research about decision-making to understand why some decisions are so difficult and what possible strategies you could use for future decisions. I have been recently listening to an interesting podcast about decision-making for example (Ask a Decision Engineer).

Finally, please take care of yourself and don't beat yourself up about this horrible situation. You have done and are doing your best and please know that in the grand scheme of things choosing a name that is less than perfect is not the worst thing that can happen to you or your child. Many people don't especially love their name but it doesn't blight their life.

I don't know if it is helpful in taking the pressure off at all, but you cannot get it "wrong". He wasn't born with a secret "true" name that you have to somehow deduce. The right name is just whatever he's called. Plenty of babies are just given nice, serviceable names without the parents feeling like a lightening bolt has hit them with "the one".

This 🖕🏻

So sorry you're feeling like this OP.

Oh love. Please talk to your GP on Monday. You don’t have to live like this.

Hi @hellobab ,I looked on the other thread for an update, and am glad you started your own thread.

Hope you get to speak to your GP or medical professional tomorrow.

The other replies are right. It doesn't sound like the "right" name will fix this.

Can you take some pressure off yourself by remembering that he will have a choice before too long anyway? I probably hundreds of people who go by a nickname or shortened version of their name; I know a few who go by a middle name; I know a few who habitually go by their last name; I know a few who changed their name at 16 or 18 or older. A name isn't fixed and forever. It is for this phase of his life, and if he wants to change or alter it, he'll let you know.

I don't know if it is helpful in taking the pressure off at all, but you cannot get it "wrong". He wasn't born with a secret "true" name that you have to somehow deduce. The right name is just whatever he's called. Plenty of babies are just given nice, serviceable names without the parents feeling like a lightening bolt has hit them with "the one".

I don't have any advice but just wanted to comment as I'm going through the same. I spend all day obsessing over his name, wondering whether I'd prefer him to be something else, and whether he'd prefer a different name. I'm in tears about it sometimes. He's 5 months. We chose the name early on in pregnancy, so it was chosen for many months, so I do wonder if PND is to blame. Do you think this is a possibility with you?
I wouldn't worry about baby recognising his name - talking to them in general is great. I know it's easier said than done to overthink though.

Yep, you need to contact your GP or HV on Monday.

Completely ageee with @ladydimitrescu . This is post-natal anxiety/depression which needs medical help. The name is a red herring. Address your anxiety properly and the name issues will resolve themselves.

This is as you are aware, extreme. The issue is not your sons name, it's your mental health. Any name you chose will not fix this, and you need to speak urgently with your GP.
You're so stressed about finding a new one, it's making you physically ill. My personal opinion would be to keep the name. It's been 4 months and I believe any name you choose will have the same outcome, as it's not the name that's the issue. I'm not a GP, but this to me sounds like PND presenting in this way.
Please call them and make an urgent appointment