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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Baby name regret - Isla or Eden?

60 replies

GingeGee · 08/06/2022 12:55

Following advise from another thread I made!

Long back story but I'll try and make it short and sweet. My daughter is 4 months old, I missed the majority of just over the first month of her life due to being hospitalised with Sepsis from the birth. Obviously due to the deadline she was named what my partner wanted her to be named rather than Eden that we'd agreed on before she was born, I went along with it at the time but since getting better I realise I still am not the biggest fan of Isla, its not remotely like the name we had planned and I'm struggling for nicknames, so here I am.

I've thought long and hard about this since around her being 6 weeks old when I finally started to get my bearings. I know the process of changing the name. I'm also aware of the possibility of PND but I genuinely don't believe that's it, I've seeked help regardless and I am currently having therapy sessions but this is still niggling me.

So it would be very much appreciated from some non-biased people what there opinions of the names are? But also it would be even more appreciated if I could hear people's stories or if you know of people who have changed there's child name and what life is like after the change? Did you feel better or did you regret bothering changing it?

OP posts:

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JuneJubilee · 08/06/2022 15:26

(((HUG)))

I'm sorry your first weeks with DD were so awful. You can't get them back, but you do have the rest of your life & hers to make up for it 😊😊

Your DH manipulated you when you were vulnerable & I know myself well enough to know I couldn't forgive that, but I'd have tried to when I was much younger (causing myself a lot of anguish).

How are things between you now?

Have you spoken to him about changing her name?

Do you plan to have any more children?

Sod everyone else, you & he ate the only ones that matter (and frankly, he only matters at this stage because you need his permission to change her name).

DD don't stress yourself about that, a lot of kids have name strops! No matter what. Nothing to say which she'd have preferred - probably something SO weird we can't even imagine it yet!!)

i think children do 'make' a name. There are very few names I probably wouldn't warm to over time, but that's not to say if it was my child, I'd want to have to warm to them!!

personally I don't care for Isla, but I would warm to it if a friend chose it & I cuddled the baby & watched her grow.

I mean if someone handed me a baby girl & said 'she's all yours as long as you call her 'island' I'd take her in a heart beat! But if I birthed a child, and was told I had to call her island, I'd be telling them to F'off.

As discussed I don't think the actual name is the issue, but how it has come about & how you're going to deal with that!

honestly, don't worry about anyone else, IF you change it, they'll have to accept it & move on! YOUR baby, YOUR choice xx,

Original poster

GingeGee · 08/06/2022 15:26

@SabrePrattler it's a tough one, cause its partially my own doing too. It was hard work getting the names we had because we didn't know the gender, he's stubborn as shit and I didn't realise it but I'm a terrible overthinker because I researched everything I could with each name that was mentioned. So how I saw it is that it was joint 90% agreed name Eden, then his 5% was Isla and my other 5% was Lily and that was our list, and as daft as it sounds I never imagined she'd be anything other than Eden if she turned out to be a girl though prior to being born and that the 5 percenters would maybe be a middle name, so when he said she looked like an Isla I didn't instantly disregard it because of hormones, exhaustion, completely unaware of how un-normal all the pain I was in and unwell I was even though at the time I was told this was all normal. I also didn't have that instant reaction he seemed to have had that I thought I would so I felt as though I couldn't completely shrug it off yet as it wouldn't seem fair (obviously now I know they look like any name you give them essentially), but obviously I also didn't expect once I got home that I'd progressively get worse not get the chance to say 'hey Isla's not my cup of tea like I didn't think it would so let's go with Eden' instead he became a single parent for a month, continued to call it her because he didn't have any other reason not to and end up were I'm at, but I guess that's hindsight for you.

I've heard this but I haven't found anyone who has prior to this thread, I knew all the ins and outs on how to change it but not how life is afterwards.

Thank you! 💕

I don't know the technical term but I basically still have a hole in my uterus on top of other issues so I'm having to have another surgery in the next 6 months to try fix it but it's looking more than likely that I'll have to have a hysterectomy, which I think is what's making all of this that little bit more complicated. I'm a hell of a lot better though, my only issue at the moment is that I'm losing hair to the point of receding but I'll take that any day over what I've felt like hahaha.

OP posts:

hearmywomanlyroar · 08/06/2022 15:19

I prefer Eden as I'm a fan of nicknames and you could use Edie (which I think is very cute). Isla is pretty but I think of it in the same vein as Isabelle, Lily, etc - ie pretty but very popular. I think both names are nice but it's about unpicking your emotions behind it all. Does DD already have a middle name? Could you change to Eden and keep Isla as a middle name?

Topseyt123 · 08/06/2022 15:16

I personally very much prefer Isla. Eden is OK-ish, but not to my taste. It sounds very clunky to me.

You could add it as a middle name to make it a choice to use. That said, I wouldn't generally advocate calling children by their middle names. I'm known by mine and it is a pain in the arse - I've had a lifetime of explaining it and have even thought of changing it by deed poll.

I don't think your DP has behaved badly. You just reached the stage of having to legally register the birth before you yourself were quite well enough to be fully with it.

You still have up until the first year to change things, I understand?

butteriesplease · 08/06/2022 15:13

I love Isla as a name - it's so beautiful! I actually can't STAND Eden as a name. Not sure why, but I really don't like it. It's also a unisex name, if that bothers you at all. I appreciate you have had a very hard time indeed, and hope that you are on the road to recovery now x

bdd2017 · 08/06/2022 15:08

Eden is a lovely name

Fivebeanchilli · 08/06/2022 14:56

I suspect popularity is very regional. I work with children in a very socially deprived area of London and there are loads of Edens and I've barely come across an Isla. I live in a more middle class area and I've never met a female Eden around here (a couple of boys) but quite a few Islas (though a few years ago now. It definitely peaked here about 8 years ago).

Overthewine · 08/06/2022 14:52

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Fivebeanchilli · 08/06/2022 14:51

Honestly I prefer Isla by far.
But Eden isn't a bad name; I just prefer Isla.
I totally get where you're coming from and how hard it must have been to go through what you went through.
I imagine, with you being that sick, your partner had a rough time too - taking on solo caring for a newborn (and I know lots of women do it fine but it's still less usual for a man) on top of probably being terrified that they were going to lose you. That is likely to have made him bond in a more intense way than usual with your little girl.
I can imagine that changing her name could feel very weird for him.
That said, I think if you feel strongly and he is happy to agree, then you should do what feels right to you.

Overthewine · 08/06/2022 14:48

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

underneaththeash · 08/06/2022 14:37

There are quite a lot of porn stars with the name Eden.......it wouldn't be my first choice!

SammyScrounge · 08/06/2022 14:34

Isla is a beautiful name. Eden, I think, is more like a boy's name.

DuchessOfSausage · 08/06/2022 14:31

Isla is pretty but very popular. I don't like Eden at all and will be Ede, which sounds too much like Eid, but she's not my baby

Hurstlandshome · 08/06/2022 14:20

Eden is beautiful 🤩

Original poster

GingeGee · 08/06/2022 14:19

@Summerwetordry No, it actually came from a football player for us funnily enough haha. We're both sport enthusiasts and we didn't find out the gender so picked gender neutral names, which worked out well for me as I didn't really want a completely popular name but I like the idea of it being pretty and simple too.

OP posts:

LoveIsAFairyTale · 08/06/2022 14:18

Not the same. But maybe my situation will help.

When I had DD1 we had a name picked. For years. We had known if we were to ever have a daughter. This would be her name. Scarlett.

Then on her due date, my OHs Nan died. And we wanted to give her middle name as DDs middle name. Violet. But it really clashed with our chosen name. We waited till baby was born and had many signs that we should go with the middle name, and change first name. (Admitted to the Violet suite. The midwife's name was Violet).

So DD1 was named Imogen Violet. I never really spoke about it, but I took me a really long time to get past this. In my head I kept calling her Scarlett. She was probably close to 1 before her actual name was ingrained in my head.

We now have DD2 who is Scarlett & I can't imagine it being any other way now.

(Very outing for anyone that knows me in real life).

toastofthetown · 08/06/2022 14:17

Personally I prefer Eden, as to me it’s more fresh and distinct sound than Isla, though that’s just preference and I don’t think either are bad names.

I worked with a guy whose name was changed when he was a baby. He spent a few months as Jack, which was changed to Thomas, without Jack anywhere in the name at all. He wasn’t bothered by it at all and just found it a funny story.

HappyHappyHermit · 08/06/2022 14:16

Neither are my style, but Isla is better than Eden, which sounds heavy and dumpy to me. I would stick with it as really that is her name now and even if you were unwell you did go along with it.

BobbinHood · 08/06/2022 14:14

I much prefer Isla to Eden but that’s not the point here - as a PP said it’s that you were ill and felt pushed into it.

RubertRoo · 08/06/2022 14:12

GingeGee · 08/06/2022 13:54

@SummerInSun I think that's exactly it, because there's so many factors I'm struggling to untangle it all to work out what's for the best.

He did say that she looked like an Isla after the birth, and I think hormones, drugs, exhaustion I went along with it to see how I felt not realising that the pain and illness I was going through wasn't normal and then the period I was planning to see how I felt I missed completely. I had to learn to get used to it once she'd already been registered and even though I did get used to it I can't help wishing she'd have been called Eden. I think that's one of the factors that I liked about it, because it isn't overly used and I think that's what puts me off Isla is seeing that it is so popular and to me she's now my one and only so it seems even more fitting.

You say it's not used but there are 2 children called Eden in DDs nursery school and no Isla names at all. Isla is beautiful. But only you know what you're happy with! She's still tiny so change the name if you want to and it isn't growing on you.

Original poster

GingeGee · 08/06/2022 14:11

@TropicalBlueberries I guess there was a little leeway for change as we never found out the gender so we never fully had something completely set in stone.

It threw me though all the same, but it was actually the only name prior to giving birth that he suggested so I respectfully added to it to our list just because I was in shock that he'd contributed, not really thinking that she'd be called that or that he'd feel she looked that way when she was born which again shocked me.

If I had the given time I'd have then been able to try it for a few days just to see and meet him halfway, realise 'yep that's definitely not for me' and then go forward with Eden, but yeah it didn't work out like that.

OP posts:

Chickenmicken · 08/06/2022 14:09

I much prefer Isla which is so pretty but that's neither here nor there as you prefer Eden. I had name regret with my DD. People were negative about the name I wanted to use and I regretted letting that influence me and not just going with the name I loved. However, I now really love the name we did go with. I think that you grow to love the word that becomes synonymous with your child.

Luxa · 08/06/2022 14:05

Combine them and call her Ida.

SabrePrattler · 08/06/2022 14:04

‘Obviously due to the deadline she was named what my partner wanted her to be named rather than Eden that we'd agreed on before she was born’

Absolutely fuck that. You were in no state to agree to this change and I think it’s really shitty that he did this when you were so unwell.

It doesn’t matter which of the two names that people on this thread think is the nicer, it’s the fact that he overrode a joint decision when you were in no state to disagree. I’d be furious and I wouldn’t agree to go along with his name choice just because family members are now used to it after 4 months.

People change babies’ names all the time, it’s really not that big a deal. Far more common than you probably realise.

I hope you're fully recovered now, must have been an awful time

Summerwetordry · 08/06/2022 14:03

I don't get your love for the name Eden. I think it's awful. It's presumably from the Garden of Eden. I prefer Edith at a push. Isla is a popular name, but it's her name now and it's pretty. My neighbour has an Isla and she's the most beautiful and lovely child.

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