Is there a problem with not having the same surname as your child?

I married, didn’t change my name, and DC have DH’s name.

It’s usually fine, if irritating when I’m called Mrs DH’sName or Mrs MyName (I am
Ms MyName on every form ever).

But, travelling back solo from the USA I had to prove the DC were mine. Luckily I’d done the Notary Public letter plus copies of birth and marriage certificates thing, but they still asked the youngest DC lots of questions before letting us through passport control. So if I had the chance again, I would put my surname as a second middle name for the DC, to avoid that issue.

I don’t think it’s a problem, however the problem for me is that ex is absent so I don’t like dd having a surname of someone who she doesn’t see, and I’m often called mrs (exes name) which is irritating. Can’t change it as he is on the bc.

I had a child when married who has his dads surname then divorced, went back to my original name and then had another dc with dp and didn’t want to have the same name as dd but not ds so she has her dads name. So we have 3 surnames in our household of 4 🤪. Hasn’t caused any issues except that I’ve been called mrs exname for a few school and activity things for DS as they’ve assumed I have same name as him.

Traditionally, babies always took their mother's surname.

If the mother was married and had taken her husband's surname the baby would have its father's surname.

It is a recent development that the baby takes the father's surname, even when the parents aren't married.

Double barrel the child's surname. Why would there be any bullying?

I gave my children their fathers surname as we were engaged at that point. We have since separated and I have double barrelled their surname via deed poll. It was really easy to do and I'm pleased I did it. It always bothered me when travelling etc and having to take extra paperwork.
My children like having both our surnames and proudly explain to people they are part mummy and part daddy. It makes sense.

I did regret not giving them mine. But lately my 5 year old has been referring to herself with her last name as mine then her dad's, she's decided herself to hyphenate it. So maybe they'll choose to change themselves later.
No practical issues with it though. I think it's common enough these days to have parents with different surnames.

OP it aounds like when you were pregnant/ post-childbirth you got bullied into giving your child your partner’s name even though you weren’t happy about it. If that’s the case you still have time to fix it, while he is under age one you can just correct the original birth certificate without needing to do a deed poll change (I think).

Personally I would give the child four names but without a hyphen eg John David Cadwallader White. So his surname is Cadwallader White but probably people refer to him just as John White.

Then when you marry you also take both names. You can refer to yourself as Mrs White or your original name Mrs Cadwallader but on legal forms you have both names.

Your husband to be can do whatever 🤷‍♀️ Sounds unlikely he’ll change his name.

That way your passport matches the baby’s passport and you don’t get immigration problems where you’re trying to prove its your child.

And remember you do not need your DO’s permission for this. YOU carried the baby for 9 months, you aren’t married, if you disagree on the baby’s name then YOU get then final say not him.

My ds has his father's surname , we are getting married this year and I'll take my dps name. I registered my son knowing that we wouldn't have different surnames for very long

I am quite old and the DC have my husband's surname as per tradition.I have never changed my surname and it has never been an issue.if I wasn't married the DC would have had my surname again, as per tradition. I can understand the argument for the DC all having the same surname, DC tend to like to 'belong' and don't like endless explanations.Imo , you agreed to this after discussion, it will be fine, put the issue behind you.

Add your surname too.

I have two surnames (as does every single person in Spanish-speaking countries) and I’m definitely not posh. I love having a name from each parent and I’ve never been bullied because of it.

I only ever had a problem when travelling back from the US. My DS was registered with my maiden name but I subsequently married his dad and changed my own name but not his. The US officials were concerned and asked him lots of questions (he was 7) - luckily we were travelling with my younger sister who shared his surname and they eventually accepted he was our son.

School was a pain, we were always referred to as Mr and Mrs DS, no matter how many times we corrected them, but that was a minor irritation. We always said he could change his name when he was 18 if he wanted to. He likes his name though and has kept it.

I did not change my name on marriage. My daughter has her father's name partly because I wanted her to have the same last name as her siblings- his two children from an earlier marriage.

She is my daughter. Nothing can change that.

I felt this way when I got my baby's first passport and traveled with him without DP. DP had two children already and wanted them all to have the same name. I felt like it would be selfish to disagree. Now I think actually the children wouldn't have cared at all, but I'm the one who wishes my children had my name instead of becoming part of his dynasty 😂

The sting has gone out of it now. And I get to have a laugh because my DS pronounces his last name with an English accent (mine) so it sounds like a different name anyway!

I was a sahm for a couple of years and definitely felt a bit miffed when I was the one arranging all the appts, doing paperwork etc and having to always explain that my name was different or what my relationship to him was. Would have made more sense for him to have my name but I didn't go and change it in the end.

Get the passport done. You can still change the name at a later date if you both agree to it.