Is there a problem with not having the same surname as your child?

Add your surname too. Either two surnames or as a second middle name.

I did this as it's particularly useful when traveling.

My boys have DH's surname and I have my own, it has never occurred to me to be sad about it or even to think about it. They are late teens now. There has never been anyone who has questioned it and it has never caused any issue whatsoever - but I have never taken them abroad without DH so I wouldn't know about that.

I'll warn you now, you can't change the birth certificate to the mother's name - although you could to the father's name. I know this because I'd given my eldest ex's surname, and was planning to give youngest mine, but got cold feet, worried DS1 would feel left out, and gave DS2 ex's name too.

Within weeks, I realised that DS1 didn't care, and wanted to change DS2's surname to mine, filed all the paperwork as if I were changing to the father's name (there's a procedure for this) - only to be told that was a 'courtesy' rather than a rule, and that they wouldn't do it for mothers, only fathers. The only solution would be for ex to change his name to mine, then get the birth certificate changed, then ex could change his back - which is obviously ridiculous, so I just deed-polled DS2's name to mine, got his passport etc. and it's all been fine since - although the birth certificate being in ex's name still grates a bit.

I have no trouble travelling with them, or doing any of the other day to day stuff. I sometimes get questions about their fathers, since they do look totally different to each other, but I couldn't care less about that.

@OneMoreTime23 he could but he doesn't want to double barrel his surname because he has 2 middle names (one of which is also 3 syllables) so he'd have a ridiculously long name. His surname is also particularly popular/tied to the country his grandparents emigrated from and he'd like to keep that as part of his identity. Also, as much as I don't want to change my name, he doesn't want to change his. He's not forcing me to, it doesn't bother him at all. It's a non issue really. He's not some patriarchal ken thinking his balls will fall off, he has valid reasons equal to mine.

Your husband could change his. (Contrary to popular belief, his balls won’t fall off if he does.)

My DC and I had different surnames for a while after I reverted to my maiden name on separation. We never had any trouble travelling to the US together with different names, noone even mentioned it, maybe because we look very alike? Who knows!

When she was 12 she decided to double barrel her name so she has the surnames of both her parents. To her it makes perfect sense. I was very touched by her decision as I had never mentioned it.

I never had an issue with DD1 having a different surname but then I never travelled without DH. DH and I got married when DD was 4 and now all have the same name.

Your child can have two surnames legally even if they are only referred to by one the majority of the time. I’d just add yours.

@axolotlfloof what financial security are you talking about? Since you are married don’t you end up splitting half anyway? I’m curious

I'd give the child your surname and change it if you marry your partner later. Either that or double barrel. Could you and your partner merge your names so that you all have the same name? Ie. Morgan-Johnson could be Monson or Jorgan. (I don't know anyone who's done that but have read about it)

Not a problem at all.

My 3 DC have DP's surname

DC3 is disabled (so we have a lot of appointments and paperwork etc) and it's never been an issue that she and I have different surnames. Never had an issue with travelling either.

Get the passport; you need it now.
Children’s passports are only valid for 5 years. If you change your mind/name/child’s name etc, you’ll have an opportunity to change the passport again soon enough.

I’ve got two children (different fathers) and each had their father’s surname.

Occasionally I feel a bit miffed about eldest having a name I associate with the ex (especially as he has low involvement), and it’s a shame the children don’t have the same surname as they are very close. But other than that it doesn’t cause any practical issues. I always take a copy of their birth certificates when I travel but have never needed to show them.

Drs / schools etc are used to parents and children having different names. I think it’s much more common, and less of an issue, than mumsnet would have you believe.

It's weirdly reassuring that an abusive ex partner father couldn't just renew the passport without the mother's permission though

Even though it does sound like a massive pain

DC and I have different names. It has never bothered me - in fact I think it makes them more aware that I have a name and a distinct family background too. I would suggest taking birth cert on holiday with you though - DS2 was asked questions last time I travelled alone with him overseas (only a few questions and we were together in the passport queue the whole time, so not scary or anything).

My children don't have my surname. It makes no practical difference to our lives.
I am married to their father though, and I think you should consider that for your own financial security.

I am the only person in my house with my surname and I like the individuality of it😊I do not regret it at all. It hasn't caused any sort of issue with anything important either. You will get used to it.

I grew up with a different surname to my mum and it never caused any practical problems - no issues travelling, at school or doctors, etc. But of course it was a different time/place.

When it came to my DC I wanted them to share a surname with me, just for the emotional aspect. So we double barrelled and I couldn't be happier.

I often think people balk at the first suggestion of a double barrel but they just need to get used to the idea/sound. Very few combos actually sound bad together, imo. And it's definitely not just a posh thing anymore!

I'd change it to a double barrel if I were you, OP.

The impression I get is because he is Dad and not mum.
So far this has been the process:
DH applied and got a neighbour to verify daughter is who she is.
Passport office then asked me to write to confirm I agree to getting the passport renewed.
Passport office then asked for verification to be redone.
Passport office then asked me to post proof of my ID so they can check my signature against the letter I posted.
It wasn't like this when I got her first passport 5 years ago.

There is hassel at the airport. I have a half sibling 21 years younger than me and they have their fathers surname. I was travelling with them once and wasn't allowed through passport control and I couldn't prove I hadn't just picked them up off the street (they were 1 so not able to be questioned). I got aggy and said something along the lines of 'this is ridiculous I could easily be their mother and have a different surname, would you stop me travelling with them then?" the answer was absolutely yes!

Anywho I have a similar problem now because although I am married I don't particularly like DH surname and have avoided taking it but now we have a child on the way. No way of double barrelling it because both names are three syllables and would sound ridiculous so I might end up changing it.

DD has OH's surname, not just that but her full name is very English while mine is obviously foreign. Never had any issues travelling(and we travel on different passport too), with school, dentist,doctors, whatever form applications or registration.
OH did her passport application form and renewal so no idea how complicated that was, but since he hasn't moaned I assume it was pretty straightforward.

@Boating123 really sorry to hear that (it’s hard enough to renew at the moment) Also interested to learn more. Is this related to you having different names? Or is it because he’s dad and not mum? Awful either way but curious to learn more

I kept my surname and gave our children my husband's name. No regrets at all. I don't feel less close to them because we have different surnames.

As an aside my husband has been trying to get my daughter's passport renewed. I wouldn't have thought it would have made a difference but it's been a nightmare, because he made the application, and not me.

We both kept our names. Our baby has my name as a middle name for all the travel-related reasons and dad’s name as their surname. Pretty sexist of us to go with his if I’m honest but there it is!

None of my friends have changed their names even after marriage or civil partnership (their kids either took mum or dad’s name - none double barrelled) so I don’t think this is rare or unusual anymore. It’s unlikely to cause confusion in this day and age unless you’re travelling somewhere super conservative.

That said, you are just as entitled as your partner to pass on your surname so stand your ground it it’s important to you!