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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Changing baby's name

112 replies

TulipPeony1 · 20/05/2022 17:22

Hello I have a 7 month old son which we thought we had named a unisex name as we liked it for a girl and for a boy. It turns out since naming him and introducing him to the world that no one has heard of a boy called this name and I have had so many comments from people assuming he's a girl. I am really gutted as it was the only name that me and my husband could agree on and I am really concerned that our son will have issues with this his whole life. I really wish we had named him something else, although I don't know what that would have been. I think about it constantly and hate introducing him by name to people now because I just anticipate their reaction. I have had it in baby group where the teacher called him "she" during one of the songs and I had to correct her. She said that she'd never heard of a boy called that before so thought he was a girl even though he was dressed in what would be described as 'boy clothes'. I've had people think he's a boy and ask "what's his name?" then when I answer they say "oh she's a girl" nope! It's really disappointing and I hate that it's being spoken about. My mum had issues at the hairdressers when another person overheard her talking and commented that it was a girl's name. It just feels like everywhere and I'm really upset that he will bear the brunt of this. I don't know what I want people on here to say really. I'm reluctant to say his name seen as no boy ever seems to have been called this before it would be completely obvious, but I just wanted to see if others would feel the same in my shoes and what you would do.

Thank you

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TruffleShuffles · 21/05/2022 10:21

TulipPeony1 · 21/05/2022 10:10

I appreciate it could be frustrating for some not to know the name, however it is my personal choice not to want the focus to be on the name itself. I do not feel able to open myself up to more discussion on the specific name.

I would rather the discussion focus on the issue of having a unisex name which is predominantly female and the impact of this. I personally feel this makes the thread more accessible to others as this is not name specific.

Thank you for your understanding.

If you are saying that it’s predominantly a female name I would change it. Most of the examples I’ve seen on this thread are clearly unisex but I don’t get that impression from your posts that this is the case with your babies name.

I would ignore my own feelings on the name at this point and focus on how you think your child would cope with the constant questions on why he has a girls name as this will happen as children are blunt and people are rude. I don’t really agree with people saying own your decision as this decision doesn’t really effect you but will effect your child for the rest of his life.

Original poster

TulipPeony1 · 21/05/2022 10:10

Thank you for your understanding.

OP posts:

FfeminyddCymraeg · 21/05/2022 09:44

Just tell us the name.

it’s so frustrating when people have threads on baby names and don’t actually say what it is.

pinklavenders · 21/05/2022 09:36

It might be difficult for others while he's a baby, but once he grows up I'd assume he'll fairly obviously look and sound like a boy. I don't see any reason to change his name

I agree. I think you should confidently own your decision.

OakAshBeech · 21/05/2022 08:23

I'd change it.

ineedafairygodmother · 20/05/2022 22:15

I agree with @HitsAndMrs, don't change it. You and your DH chose YOUR babies name, it doesn't matter if anyone else likes/dislikes the name. If your both happy with the name I'd leave it
My DD also has a 'unisex' name but more commonly used as a boys name, she's often referred to as a he, however I just laugh and says he's actually a she

lunar1 · 20/05/2022 22:00

Your child is the one who will have to carry the name. I wish I'd changed mine when I was old enough but by the time I realised I could I had my professional qualifications.

Tryagain2020 · 20/05/2022 21:52

If you love the name I'd just own it. I love Hilary for a boy, I'd love to meet a baby boy Hilary for example.

If it's any consolation at all, multiple people have assumed my DD is a boy even though I mostly dress her in frilly dresses. And her name is not unisex. I don't know what these people were thinking.

Original poster

TulipPeony1 · 20/05/2022 21:41

@Keha Sorry that you've had doubt about your own surname, what a strange thing for someone to point out. I can't even imagine what it would be and why they would say anything (alcohol does funny things to people!). I know kids get bullied for all different things, it's sad but true.

OP posts:

Dibbydoos · 20/05/2022 21:39

Can you make a nick name from it?

Is it likely to mean he gets bullied?

My kids have Chinese names (heritage) and it's caused so many probs, but both of them like their names, so I'm OK with that.

Original poster

TulipPeony1 · 20/05/2022 21:34

HotChocolate16 · 20/05/2022 21:19

Similar situation. My 2 year old has a name that sounds exactly the same as a female name (spelling is boy version though). I used to get looks and confusion that he was a girl and we considered changing it but he was past 1 years old at that point so it was too much headache. It really got me down though. Part of me regrets my choice but the name suits him well and once you get over the initial peoples reactions, the people who see him all the time such as family, friends nursery etc won’t bat an eyelid after first hearing it

Sorry to hear you had the same feelings over your son's name. It is really difficult when you decide on a name and the reactions of others can really get to you. I would never do that to someone so I really wasn't expecting it. How do you feel about the name now?

OP posts:

maddiemookins16mum · 20/05/2022 21:32

Just tell us the name!!!!

Original poster

TulipPeony1 · 20/05/2022 21:29

@lightand Angst is definitely the word for it! I don't have any repeat threads. Although it is interesting that this sounds familiar to others so I'm not alone! Thanks for laying it out clearly 👍

OP posts:

Original poster

TulipPeony1 · 20/05/2022 21:27

@Justyouwaitandseeagain People are so odd with their assumptions aren't they! I do like to challenge the norms and so if I lead by that example hopefully he will be okay with it too. Thank you!

OP posts:

RedRobyn2021 · 20/05/2022 21:21

Don't change his name OP, he will clearly be a boy as he gets older.

Original poster

TulipPeony1 · 20/05/2022 21:20

@Hallyup89 True thank you, I guess as a baby it is different and as he gets older he will clearly be a boy so hopefully the confusion will stop.

OP posts:

HotChocolate16 · 20/05/2022 21:19

lightand · 20/05/2022 21:13

Stop with the angst. [and repeat threads if there are any]
Option 1 Agree with partner to change name
Option 2 Add a middle name
Option 3 Accept what you have called him.

Original poster

TulipPeony1 · 20/05/2022 21:12

DarkShade · 20/05/2022 21:01

I think you should just own it, and maybe if you want to think of a friendly light explanation to just nip it in the bud. If it's a unisex name that is now more used by girls like Hilary or Lesley then you can say "oh actually he's a boy - fewer boys called that now isn't there"

If it's a modern name that is unisex in theory but more often used by girls like Storm or River, "he's a boy, love how nature names work for both boys and girls!"

If it's a male name that now is used by girls more like Taylor or Frankie, "he's a boy, like the Taylor's of old!"

If it's unisex in a different culture, like maybe you have a boy Kerry and you're in England, "he's a boy, in Irish it's a boys name too"

People are being rude though, you meet girls called everything. Does he have a middle name? He can use that if it bothers him when he's older.

This is great advice, thank you 😊

He doesn't have a middle name, we struggled just to agree on this name. We both work in schools and have known so many children that it was difficult to find a name we both liked!

OP posts:

NamechangeFML · 20/05/2022 21:09

*and robins/yns

Keha · 20/05/2022 21:09

OP, I'm a bit worried that my DC's surname (double barrelled) is something that rhymes with a somewhat rude/embarrassing phrase. I didn't think if it at the time but it's also my surname now and someone (an adult, who was drunk), laughed about it. I've considered changing it, but I've decided not to as there will be other kids with slightly odd names, kids bully each other over whatever they can find, it's not actually offensive, and I hope my DC will be confident enough that they can deal with it if anyone does say anything. After all there is a very good reason why they have that name. So, if you like that name and you choose it for a reason I think it would be a shame to change it

NamechangeFML · 20/05/2022 21:08

I had a male friend called Lindsey at school ( 90s)
He literally dropped off the face of the planet and apparently changed his name to an ultra masculine name.
We grew up in quite a nice area, and he was quite quiet- i dont recall him getting teased but i guess he must have?

saying that, its not like children dont have unusual names or bizzare spellings or just completely made up names ,nowadays is it?

I know male and female Rowans and Dylans

Justyouwaitandseeagain · 20/05/2022 21:05

i dressed my daughter in fairly boyish clothes as a baby. Leggings and jeggings. Even if she was in a pink top people would frequently see denim and presume she was a boy. Or give boy targeted compliments. As she grew and clearly started looking and dressing 'like a girl' the comments stopped.

I also spent a week working in a class with a child called Sky. They had beautiful blonde curls. I couldn't work out at all if he/she was a boy or a girl. Eventually I checked the register and found he was indeed a boy.

i find most people are quick to assume and have quite definite ideas of how they expect children to conform. I guess it depends how much you like to challenge the norms now. I think most names will get easier for your son as he gets older.

Hallyup89 · 20/05/2022 21:04

It might be difficult for others while he's a baby, but once he grows up I'd assume he'll fairly obviously look and sound like a boy. I don't see any reason to change his name if, indeed, it is a male name, and you love it.

Original poster

TulipPeony1 · 20/05/2022 21:04

Herejustforthisone · 20/05/2022 20:39

See, I’d see that as a good thing. There’s enough Ollies, Harrys, Jacks and Hugos… you both loved the name. Who gives a shit what other people think? My son has an old name and there were ten children with the name when he was born. I think that’s awesome. It is unusual and people struggle with it, but I intend to empower my son to know how to deal with people who might be weird about it. 💪🏻

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Thank you! I agree I think it is a good thing to be different and unique which is what I liked about the name. I guess now he's here I just have the overwhelming maternal instinct to protect him and if this is something that could be a problem I would hate that.

OP posts:

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