Active discussions

Help protect children from gaming harms.

Take our survey

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Original poster

Is this a really terrible idea for a middle name??

115 replies

Shouldhavereadtheinstructions · 16/05/2022 20:18

Since we had DS1 we always said that if DC2 was a girl then her middle name would be my grandma's name. She is a truly amazing woman and we would both love to do this in her honour. But of course.... We are now expecting a boy!

We have thought of alternatives and even went so far as asking my grandma if she had any favourite boys names she would choose e.g. that my grandad hadn't liked 😂but I just keep coming back to really wanting her actual name to live on. DS2 is likely to be her last great grandchild (and obviously I can't tell anyone else what to name their kid!).

Would it be truly terrible to give DS her name as a middle name anyway? It's not a super 'girly' name as she goes by a nickname. E.g. think El rather than Eleanor or Kat rather than Katherine. On the one hand I think it's be wonderful to be named after such an amazing person and for his middle name to have a story. And it's very easy not to share your middle name widely if he is anxious in certain contexts. But is he just going to get awfully teased? Does that even matter as kids will always find something to tease about??

What do you think? Does anyone have any similar experiences?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
CupidStunt22 · 17/05/2022 15:20

There are plenty of men in Ireland with the middle name Mary.

Original poster
Shouldhavereadtheinstructions · 17/05/2022 15:17

Oh no sorry for the mega delay - something is wrong with my MN notifications so only just seen the deafening calls to hear the name! OK ok ok maybe I was being over-cautious. The name is Nell. 😱😱😱😱😱😱

OK do your worst 😅

Thanks so much for all the other thoughts and suggestions too - I do like the idea of using her maiden name. A bit less person and her maiden name is a bit of a mouthful, combined with the last name - and he'd end up always having to spell it for people - but it could work.

Totally agree @Anapurna222478063 it really could go in different directions depending on his personality...

OP posts:
Lellochip · 17/05/2022 11:53

Want to honour your grandma? Put flowers on her grave, name a star (or a hall!) after her, write a piece for the local paper about her life, she’d have loved that.

That might be a bit premature 😄

saraclara · 17/05/2022 11:48

If it’s a girl’s name, your son is going to hate it, and probably whinge about it. There is nothing about that situation that honours anyone.

Yep. You'll be devastated if he sulks about it. She will have no meaning to him at all. In named after a GM I never met. It means nothing to me at all.

Neverreturntoathread · 17/05/2022 11:30

If it’s a girl’s name, your son is going to hate it, and probably whinge about it. There is nothing about that situation that honours anyone.

Want to honour your grandma? Put flowers on her grave, name a star (or a hall!) after her, write a piece for the local paper about her life, she’d have loved that.

But stick yournson with a name he hates to satisfy some emotional need of yournown? No. That’s selfish.

iex · 17/05/2022 11:27

no point to this post unless you say what the name is

Isonthecase · 17/05/2022 10:02

Can you do the boys version of it? Or a nod to it? I had a family member with the middle name May and have thought it would be nice to do a month middle name as a nod to her.

Beautiful3 · 17/05/2022 09:36

It really depends what the name is.

MissMaple82 · 17/05/2022 09:28

Hard to say without knowing the actual name 🤦‍♀️

Hallyup89 · 17/05/2022 09:26

All I can think of is Chandler Muriel Bing too.

Don't do it.

A boy's name with the same meaning, or a masculine version would be fine.

NewandNotImproved · 17/05/2022 09:08

Ugh, what a pointless thread. Whatever the mysterious name is, would a boy want it as a middle name? Would his peers like it?

Anapurna222478063 · 17/05/2022 09:05

It depends on the name.

I think the problem is that if he ends up a happy, popular, confident kid, this might be fine, but if he’s less confident this might be one more thing that makes him miserable, and he will blame you!. Like some of the names you see suggested on here, they might only work for particular personalities.

And if you need any further convincing, watch the episode where they find out Chandler’s middle name is Muriel.

wonkylegs · 17/05/2022 09:04

One of my male housemates at uni had the middle name Barbara - we only found out when the vicar read it out at his wedding, we'd known him really well for years at that point.
Apparently it can be a boys name but he denied having a middle name up to that point so you can see how much he liked it.

perimenofertility · 17/05/2022 09:02

Obviously no one can give you useful advice without knowing what the name is! But to add, not using your grandmother’s name doesn’t mean you love her any less. She can still provide inspiration to your child’s life without them sharing a name.

Kendodd · 17/05/2022 09:00

Just say the name, it's not going to out you. And her middle name.
People can then come up with useful suggestions.

MichelleScarn · 17/05/2022 08:58

Could always change your name by deed poll? (Or however it's done!)

MrsEricBana · 17/05/2022 08:56

But yes it depends on the name.

MrsEricBana · 17/05/2022 08:56

TabithaTittlemouse · 17/05/2022 08:11

Your two examples El and Kat work but something like Mandy no.
Hard to say without the name!

Doesn't seem to have hindered Mandy Patinikin...

Lindy2 · 17/05/2022 08:56

You can't ask is this name ok and not actually tell anyone the name.

GarlicGnocchi · 17/05/2022 08:54

No idea as I don't know the name.

Kanaloa · 17/05/2022 08:52

Fanacapan · 17/05/2022 08:49

My nephew has my sisters name as his middle name, Johnny Cash had something to say about it!

I think ‘a boy who had the middle name Sue’ would have had significantly less impact to be honest.

Honestly I’m the first to say give your child a sensible name, it’s not you who lives with it etc, but as a middle name? Who even knows their colleagues/friends’ middle names? You don’t need to use or share them. So James El Thompson will realistically just be Jamie Thompson. I would use it.

Fanacapan · 17/05/2022 08:49

My nephew has my sisters name as his middle name, Johnny Cash had something to say about it!

easyday · 17/05/2022 08:34

I is a tradition in my husbands family that first born males' first born have the same (rare) middle name. As there have only been boys for the last 130 years this has been fine, until my husband's first born (male) had his and it was a she! He still gave her the name.
I think it's easier to give a girl a boys name than the other way around. But echo other posts - we need to know the name!

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 17/05/2022 08:33

Name?

DolphinaPD · 17/05/2022 08:31

Why would you start a thread like this and not give the name 🙄