Lesbian parents trying to choose baby's surname

People always think double-barrelling sounds 'distinguished' but at this point so many people have done it for that reason that it doesn't any more.

I think Denvir-Rutherford is too long.

Both are fine as surnames individually.

I would say if you are keeping your own names Buano's idea of adding another name to yours to double barrel the parents then the child gets the single combined surname.

My sister and her wife both changed their surnames to a completely new one altogether when they got married; they chose a name that had a special meaning to them and I think it is lovely. Their child has that surname with no reference to their previous surnames.

With double barrel surnames sometimes one of them gets dropped for ease and this may or not be a sensitive issue, or in school if they have the same forename as another child they get their initials for their surname, in your case Forename DR or RD. I like the names both ways round.

When my friend married her wife they both changed their names by deed poll so when their son came along he was simply given the new family surname.

They actually chose the place name of where they got engaged for their new surname.

Otherwise I'd say double barrel the names.

I would double barrel all of your names

I love Denvir-Rutherford. I would both change your names to it by deed poll too (because it’s really cool ).

I’d double barrel it, , say “Victoria Denvir-Rutherford” - I like it. Sounds grand.

I would double barrel all of you. So you all have Denvir-Rutherford as your surnames.

I'd double barrel it even if you end up dropping one half for day to day purposes.

I know a couple of people who are called something like Jane Smith-Brown officially but go by Jane Brown for most purposes. In both cases it's the second half which has been kept and the first half which has been dropped but there's no hard and fast rule.

Denvir-Rutherford sounds better than Rutherford-Denvir in my opinion.

If I was in this situation I would choose a new surname that is meaningful to you both, and both of you change your surnames to double-barrel with that, and give the child that surname alone.

e.g. if the "meaningful to you both" might be something like "Bookly" as an acknowledgement of your shared love of reading
Guessing some names at random:
You: Jane Denvir-Bookly
Your wife: Liz Rutherford-Bookly
Your child: Callum Bookly

The problem with double-barrelling your two names is that it isn't something that can continue down the generations - your child with a double-barrelled surname isn't going to be able to combine their two surnames with their spouse's possibly 2 surnames ad infinitum. So this method allows the same technique to be used by each generation in a meaningful way.

I think that's a really cool surname 👍

I was actually thinking that for once we weren’t going to have someone faux-worrying about the next generation, and what happens when they marry another double-surnames person, but ah well

@Rossnagoose Each to their own but that is a perfectly valid concern, and is one of the reasons we won't double barrel.

Double barrelling is quite tacky. Also you are just passing the problem on. What surname will your kid's kid have if they marry someone with equally indecisive parents.
Denvir is rarer, Rutherford easier.

Tbh I disagree with most posters on here, I think Denvir-Rutherford is quite a mouthful and sounds a bit posh (fine if that's what you're going for though).

I would pick one or the other, it is easier for the child also to have one surname.

I'm heterosexual but not taking my partner's name when we marry. Our child will have his name if a boy, mine if a girl. You could do something like that?

Otherwise you could have Denvir as a middle name. Rutherford sounds a bit strange as a middle name to me - sounds more like a surname.

DP is a man but for both of us it was not automatic that DD would take his name - we couldn't think of a particularly good reason for it to be one over the other (and hated the sound of our names double-barrelled). So we flipped a coin. Had a little ceremony in the park with cake, got a friend to do the coin flip. Seemed as reasonable an approach as any, if you don't want to double barrel and don't have a strong preference for one name over the other

Your surnames sounds really nice double barrelled! My wife and mine did not 😂 ended up choosing one. Whichever you choose will be great. Good luck with your treatment! 😊

I like them together!

[quote UserBot9to5]@rossnagoose well as the mother of an 18 year old who decided to change her surname by deedpoll, The Next Generation comes quicker than you think.
The OP wanted a range of opinions I'm sure. A couple of people mentioning future potential repercussions of double-barrelling shouldn't bother you on a balanced discussion with pros and cons.[/quote]
It doesn’t bother me as such, it’s just that it comes up, usually multiple times, on every single thread about using two surnames, and is generally said with the kind of ‘Aha! Gotcha!’ air of someone who appears to genuinely think this is both an original insight and a total clincher. Often allied to either ‘it’s chavvy because it suggests the parents aren’t married’ or, alternatively, ‘It’s wannabe posh and try-hard.’

I was just watching some content by the lesbian Youtubers Rose Dix and Rosie Spaughton. They have combined their surnames to make a married name - "Daughton" - which their son, Ziggy, has too. I think it's a nicer name than either of their original ones.

Could you do something similar too? Denverford? Rutherden?

Yeah I’m not at all worried about it, like I say everyone does what think works, I took my husbands surname against my feminist values but it was my decision and I am happy with it, feel free to have an opinion on that. I personally think double barrelling unless you are the viscount of Dorchester feels a bit daft - others don’t agree and the world moves on.

Everybody has two surnames in Spain, and each parent then passes one down to their children. This has been the case for centuries. It was traditionally the father’s surname being passed down, but nowadays people choose either one. You also choose the order in which they go, which is important as kids will be known by their first surname 90% of the time. Nobody gets offended, no extended family comments, and no one asks themselves ‘what will happen when they have children with another two-surname person’.

@rossnagoose well as the mother of an 18 year old who decided to change her surname by deedpoll, The Next Generation comes quicker than you think.
The OP wanted a range of opinions I'm sure. A couple of people mentioning future potential repercussions of double-barrelling shouldn't bother you on a balanced discussion with pros and cons.

I agree with the majority views that Denvir Rutherford go very well together. Hypenated or not.

We also gave our kids both surnames, no hyphen, so they had both options to choose from as they grow. Our only decision was which way round to put them, based on which sounded better.

Just have both.
I have a feeling that Margot Denvir Rutherford would be a force to reckon with!