Would you use a name with very strong associations in your DP's family?

You say your DH is already wedded to it, so I think you need to make it clear NOW that you're not, and want to continue to come up with ideas for names. It's only fair, otherwise it end up being a last minute change of mind that he'll resent.

I think using it as a middle name is the perfect compromise.

The obvious answer is to use it as a middle name.

You're totally overthinking it. My daughter has the same name as her great grandmother on her father's side. Her father and I have been separated or years , but I agreed to the name because it's beautiful and it happens to really suit my daughter.

I think it is a lovely idea, there is a certain boys name that has been used for many generations of my family. I would be delighted if my MIL name was used when my DS start their families, they were very close to their late Nan.

I'd probably use it as a middle name - it's a nice tribute to someone of great importance to your DP, but it's also important for your child to have their own identity.

You both have to be happy with a name, so just tell him you aren’t - you want her to have a name that’s entirely hers, but v happy w his granny’s name as middle (perhaps with your mum or granny also)

In your circumstances I wouldn’t use the name, your absolutely right.
I would use it as a middle name.
With regards to your sister and you “blocking “ the name- that’s bonkers, you dont even know if she’ll ever have kids and even if so, you had your child first. I wouldn’t worry about that at all. Good luck:)

We called DD after DH Grandma. It was a name we both liked but mostly in tribute to her. It's never caused a problem with "ownership" with his family. Everyone knows she was named after her. His family were thrilled when we told them. And then that's that. It becomes her name. Probably hasn't been remarked on since she was a few months old.

Use it as a middle name:-

1. Your sister can then use it as a first name
2. Your dp will be placated that the name he likes is used (and may give you more sway on first name choice)

DP's Nanna always seems to think DD was named after her mum. Think Annie and Analise. She 100% wasn't. But it makes her happy to think it, so what's the issue?

I think it should be a middle name. I don't really think it's fair or right for one parent to have a tribute to a loved one as the child's first name while the other does not, I feel it's far more fair to use it as a middle name and have the first name be something you both picked together.

My DD has one of my relatives name as her middle name, and if we have another I know me DP is hoping to use his nan's as her first name. This would feel quite alienating to me, I want to be involved and I also have a beloved nan I'd have liked to honour (but neither of us are keen on her name). Therefore, if it does happen, I will be suggesting DPs nan's name be the middle name, rather than the first, just as my relatives name was for DD. That seems right to me.

See I don't think OP is overthinking it at all.

She gets on with her ILs which is fab. But, we all know how fraught things can get when a baby comes along. There's always some jostling and friction as everyone (hopefully) settles into their new 'positions'. Matriarch mum becomes granny who very much isn't in charge of the children of the family any more. 'Outsider' DIL becomes the core of the new nuclear family where the grandchildren are. People who have up til now had no challenge to their established family roles have to adjust to new patterns. Sometimes it can get very fraught and it's hardest between the family members who aren't from the same nuclear original family... it's usually DIL and MIL.

If OP has an inkling that using a family name linked most strongly to MIL will be a catalyst for this kind of jostling and territory-pushing then she's just very wise not to use it. The best grannies and gradads can go a bit batshit when the grandhcildren come along and cause all sorts of upset with new parents by being overbearing and wanting to make the baby also 'theirs'. It usually settles down. But I can totally see OP's instinctive reaction against using the name as a first name for this reason.

I’m a big fan of family names, I only ever had one name in mind for my first DD, my Nans name, I didn’t care what my DH (DP at the time said) I was having it. Turned out he liked it anyway. She has my Nans first name and his Grandmothers name as her middle. I also have 2 aunties and a cousin with her first name, plus it’s also one of my names, I have both my grandmothers names as middle names. My mum is known by her middle name, which is my DDs middle name, my mum thinks it after her but it’s not, it’s after DHs gran, I don’t care she can think what she likes, I also have an aunt with the same name and DHs sister.

My second DDs middle name is after DHs DM who passed away before I knew her, it’s also my mums first name and I don’t even like my mum but it was important to my DH for one of our DDs to have his mums name. The name is also the middle name of both mine and DHs nieces as they have all given middle names after grandmothers who just happen to have the same name on both sides of the family.

I think your hung up too much on your DPs family and mil. Maybe use it as a middle name or just correct mil openly if she says anything. Nobody ever says anything in mine or DHs family, when my aunts found out my first DDs name they just laughed and said we weren’t surprised as they all knew how much I loved my Nan. My DH would never have dreamed of taking it away from me, I would have broken up with him if he had. I was happy to compromise on our other DDs names but not my first, I’d had my heart set on that one name since I was young. It helps that the name also very much suits my dd.

My dd2 has his Grandma's first name as a first name. But G"ma was always known by her middle name, though she secretly preferred her first name and would let people like the nurses when she was in hospital use it!

We'd decided to use that name if she was a girl (she's 18 now, there wasn't much finding out the sex back then) and then G'ma died 3 weeks before dd2 was born. The last tim3 we saw her (we live a long way from dh's home) we told her we were going to use her name and she smiled, apparently the last time she showed much emotion. Dd2 has my Gran's name as a middle name, and she loves it.

Dd1 - oldest child - has 2 names we just loved. No family connection at all.

Ds - middle child - has his own first name but 2 middle names, dh's Grandpa and my dad.

We chose a name for DD2, which turned out to be DH’s late grandmother’s name. He only knew her as”Granny”, and was surprised when his elderly aunt told him!
We slightly altered it to the Dutch version of the name by the time DD was born - the other half of DH’s family are Dutch - and it just made it different enough. Her middle name came from his English family’s Latin motto.

I agree with other posters that I think you're thinking too short term, and that it's actually a lovely thing that you've found a name you really like, and he is emotionally attached to.

My son is named 'Charles' because we liked the name, but it helped that my Grandad is Charlie. My husband stresses to my family that's not WHY we chose the name, but it really doesn't matter - it's a great name. And now he's five, my little boy loves his connection to his Grandad. As a compromise, I gave my husband his nickname, which is something ridiculous - think Hercules.

If we'd have had a girl, she would have been Gwen - a name I love, but is after my husband's dead nan. So almost exactly your situation. So clearly we like names with family history....

But you've got some time, and you do have to be sure. Keep brainstorming and maybe you'll come up with something you both love even more.

Eurgh, bold fail in my attempt to quote above

I think you're overthinking it. It seems like you want it to be clear what your creative input has been and have ownership over the name but babies grow into their names and soon enough it won't matter who thought of it/wanted it most for whatever reason, it'd just be their name. HOWEVER, if like it but aren't you're not sold on it keep it on the list as a possible or middle name and let your OH know it's not your firm favourite.

DEFINITELY not first name - tell your DP now, so he can get used to it. You need to be 100% on the name and feel it's really 'yours'
Not sure I totally agree with this. There's usually going to have to be a little bit of compromise somewhere, and you might not both be 100% on the eventual name but rather it's the one you're most agreed on. Neither of my DC have either mine or DH's first choice names.

Our DD's middle name is a nickname/shortened version of DP's nan's full name but she was commonly known as that name. It was my idea to give her that name as DP was close to his nan. But I wouldn't have it as her first name as I wouldn't want her constantly getting the 'oh just like your great nan, you're named after her blah blah..', at least with a middle name you know it's there but it isn't really used

I definitely understand where you are coming from. I love a name that is really similar to MIL’s name (eg Anna and MIL’s name is Anne) but I’m not sure I want to name my baby after MIL! Are there any other names you both like? Using this name as a middle name could work I think, and it would be ok to use it as a middle and your sister to use it as a first.