At what point is it actually cruel to give your child an old woman/ man name

Normal names to him would be the old fashioned names OP has listed.

I have a dd Mary. Timeless classic in my opinion. Still love it.

You do realise that to future teenagers, ‘old people names’ will be names like Sally and Steve?

What's wrong with Mary?

My class at school had most of the “old lady” names and even a couple of the “vintage” names and I don’t think I’m as old as the hills yet.

Really not keen on Maude, sounds like a young women in the 1920s

Doris is awful too

Iris is ok, Edith is fine when shortened to Edie but I do agree Maud is cruel - it’s so, so ugly and sounds like maudlin.

Pamela, Barbara, Shirley, Thelma, Patricia, Jean, Valerie, Irene, etc are awful names from my grandparents’ generation.

Mary, Margaret, Alice, Louise etc are not what I would class as old lady names but rather classic names.

I know and an Edith and an Iris...I particularly like Iris. Neither of these names will seem like old lady names in the future ..fashions change.

I agree about Maude... hideous! Same as Mabel. Both sound like the names of parlour maids

My DD (9) is very cross I didn't call her, Iris. She really wishes I had. She likes her name but would have apparently'100% preferred Iris'!

In 60 or 70 years time "old lady / men names" will include all the names which are popular now.

I'm wondering what age you are OP, and where you live?

In London you can't move for Irises, Mauds, Ediths, Wilfreds and Walters. A child would never be mocked for these names.

I think cruel only applies to a name which is actively offensive or likely to hurt the child later in life: Satan, Adolph, Ian if your last name is Huntley, Talula Does the Hula From Hawaii. A dated name (even ones like Barbara, Patricia, Carol which aren’t ‘vintage’ yet) isn’t cruel, even if it’s not to your taste. But vintage names are a huge trend that’s been happening for decades and children won’t be bullied for it. With bullying though, I think while names can be used to bully a child, children aren’t bullied because of a name. The Chimpanzlee example earlier is a good one - Lee was a popular name and totally inoffensive but still twisted to tease the poor child.

Most of the names you posted, even ones you describe as terrible, are in the top hundred in England and Wales, which just shows how subjective it is. Names cycle in popularity, so in a few years Barbara will go from being too dated, to a rising trend, then peaking, falling back down the charts and being horribly dated again. Personally that’s the reason I’d avoid that type of name. My grandmother has a very typically old lady name which is coming back into fashion, and she’s always hated her name and is horrified to see it becoming popular again.

These are the ranking for the names OP mentioned - the only rare one is Maude, and other than Mary all are very popular at the moment.
Alice - 27
Elsie - 19
Edith - 85
Mary - 291
Iris - 77
Maude - 3899

Oh, I love all of those names. My DD has an 'old fashioned' name. She also knows a few Harpers and Harrisons. I know which type of name I like best 😉

You are very out of touch with your list OP - most of the names listed have been popular for several years now.
Names have always gone in and out of fashion, and what I consider to be the names of Grandparents / Great Aunts and Uncles are the names that are now fashionable.

When I was born (nearly 60 years ago) my Grandmother was apparently horrified at my name, as it was such an 'old fashioned' name (in her eyes). Yet I have never been in a group of similar aged people without there being others with my name there - clearly very fashionable for the year.
It is a bit early for my peers' names to be back "in" but give it 20 years and I'm sure plenty of them will be round again.

if someone was to say “your name sounds like an old woman” that would make them feel weird and left out

Has this actually ever happened...?

I'm in my 60s and I remember when I was young names like Lily, Grace, Olivia, Phoebe were so old-fashioned. They were awful names. Now people consider them lovely and the names of my generation have fallen out of favour. In my job in the 80s and 90s I had to deal with young offenders and they were usually called Sean or Lee. Everything's cyclical.

Like Bucket- bouquet

My sons are in their early 20s and all those 'old people' names have been around as long as they have. They both have 'old people' names too. We know loads of Stanleys, Wilfs, Georges, Mauds, Ediths and Irises.

@Atla I still laugh at Baby Neil from
Gavin and Stacey! Absolutely nothing wrong with Neil as a name, I just feel like it's not going to be hitting the top hundred baby names any time soon!

@MrsTophamHat and @LaBelleSausage got there first

Edith and Iris are classic names, more so than Elsie in my view.
But names are personal choice to a large extent.

Edith, iris and Maude are all gorgeous names

You're out of touch I'm afraid - there are LOADS of little girls called Edith, Iris and Mary. Also a fair few called Maude.

I'm guessing you're aged between 50 and 70. Those names were 'old' when you were young, but they're all very on-trend nowadays.