Baby Surname Opinion Please!

I would do exactly as you suggested. Give the baby both surnames with no hyphen. My mam gave me my dads surname, he fecked off out my life completely before I was 2. I was adamant I wanted her surname and the surname of all her family and she got it changed for me by deed poll when I was 8. But it was a lot of hassle!! My aunt gave her two first children both surnames but they only go by their dads surname. She gave her third just the dads name, they were married by then.

Getting married can only be a couple of hundred quid if you go to the registry office.

As PP have said, give your DD your surname, and upon marriage it’s very easy for you both to change your surnames to his.

However, if you gave her something different, you’d need his formal consent to change it before she’s 16… which if you split he’s very unlikely to do.

I’d also consider doing a registry office wedding (£75) so it’s all legal, you’re married, and in a few years when the budget is there, have a big wedding party.

"Are you suggesting putting mine as the final name of the two as its the least likely to get dropped by people if its at the end?"

Yes, 100% this. Your surname last if you're going to have both, so his has the risk of being viewed as a middle name/ being dropped and yours is the surname until you are married (or beyond if he takes on your surname/you don't change yours).

What benefits exactly would we gain from marrying now as opposed to in two years time?

Your income as a mother is likely to go down.
In two years time, you may be a SAHM doing the childcare, and you and DP may not be able to afford the wedding of your dreams.

Having a baby changes a relationship. It can be hard.

Your DP will have the benefits of 'married life' without needing to fork out £££ for the wedding of your dreams. Even the DC will have his surname.

@Theyweretheworstoftimes has posted a link. A marriage licence gives you legal protection if your DH leaves/dies.

You won't have that protection with your DP.

I'm proposing both surnames
But to use his on a day to day basis. My name would still be in there officially. I'm not suggesting the baby only has his name at all

DD is 2 years and three months with a DB surname (with hypen) and I could honestly count on two hands the amount of times i can recall having to say it aloud- registering her at the bank, nursery and GP essentially. I don't go around calling the whole shebang out when we're at the park or anything. Surnames aren't a big deal until they're at school.

For that reason I would strongly encourage you to actively use both until you marry and change your own name. If you did split (and I think you're being very sensible to consider the possibility) it's easier to maintain the status quo rather than get people to start using your name all of a sudden.

There is also the chance, however remote, that you might change your mind about your own name when you do marry. You may not marry for some time and your views might evolve. That's what happened to me when I actually sat down and thought about if I actually wanted to change my name to DH's.

The way the law works is that if you give her your surname, when/if you marry it is very straightforward for you and the baby to take his name at that point.

If however you give her his name then for some reason you don't marry, you would need his actual permission to change her name to yours.

In your position, OP, baby would get my surname and future husband could change his name on marriage if sharing a name with his child was so important to him.

DD has my name as a middle name and DH’s surname. She uses them both interchangeably.

I’ve travelled around the world with her, alone, from 4 months of age and never had any issues with it.

Everyone calls me by my first name or “Mum of DD’s first name”. It’s extremely rare that anyone at school/doctors/sports clubs etc assumes I am
Mrs DHname. (Different story with relatives and Xmas cards though 🙄)

She’s 11 and I think if I was going to have these issues I would have by now. 🤷🏻‍♀️

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/living-together-marriage-and-civil-partnership/living-together-and-marriage-legal-differences

@DearWilbur

the names have always been used correctly.

The NHS receptionist told me it was stupid it didn't have a hyphen when I registered the kid at the GP but it's never been an issue in terms of the names being used incorrectly.

It's very clear it's two surnames no hyphen.

Once you get things like passports and birth certificate then that's what is used and it gets copied across.

So I get letters for Parent or Guardian of

Mysurname Hissurname

I guess the only place where people get confused is when they address me or my husband. People make up all sorts of combos for us but the kids name is always correct. Whatever I get called I just nod and smile, I can't be bothered to correct it.

Sometimes various systems can't cope with the space between the names so it's then

Mynamehisname but I think that only happened with Qantas.

If anyone ever only used one name, I would just correct them but it's never happened.

It's also made travelling without my husband easier and vice versa less questions from border control and various visa applications have been more straightforward than anticipated. Just an added bonus.

You're incredibly naive to give your child your partners name and not push for marriage before the birth, hope that works out for you 😳

I'm another who is married, and whose DD is firstname middlename mylast dhlast, no hyphen. It wasn't an issue when registering her and so far hasn't caused any other problems, but she's just ten months. So not in school yet!

We chose to put mine first as it sounds better that way, and tbh I don't really mind if she chooses to drop one name (even if it's mine) and just use DH's socially. I was concerned with her having my name for "official" purposes like her passport, calling up the doctor, etc.

When DD1 was born, we only gave her DH’s name even though we weren’t married at the time. I’d give her my name if I was making the decision now.

Could you combine names? Like James and Johnson could be Jameson. I know a couple who did this when they got married and they don’t have children.

Honestly, I'd give the baby your surname.

Intentions are fantastic but in real life you are pregnant, you are giving birth, you are likely going to be the one doing most of the life admin for the child. Your surname is the obvious option.

We chose a new name and changed both our names before she was born

Honestly, if I were you I would give your baby your name and then change it if/when you get married

You're the one doing all the work, I will never understand why women are so keen to give the baby their partners surname. It's so old fashioned and deeply sexist

I'm married and our DC has both surnames without a hyphen. I know of one other child where parents are not married, and child has both surnames, unhyphenated.

So you want a wedding party rather than to be married? You're not fussed about the legal contract?

The thought of having to prove that I'm her mother even though I grew her and gave birth to her just doesn't sit right with me at all. If anyone should have to prove they're the parent in those situations, it should be the man!

I don't understand how you can hold this view but then propose to only give her your name as a middle name with the intention to call her by - and have everyone know her by - his surname only?

Why do you not feel it is acceptable for her to have your name? Because you clearly don't feel it is acceptable for her to have her mother's name. Are you less valuable?

I'm not attacking, I'm genuinely baffled.

My DD has surnames like you describe, same as me. Some databases can't do spaces, so they put in a hyphen. Some people put in a hyphen. Some leave out the first surname. None of this is a big deal for us. A few people think we are being pretentious, or that we are very posh, so it's a bit of a sophistication test. It's really practical at times.