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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Original poster

Those who are not married, does DC have your surname or the fathers surname?

113 replies

Sam2002 · 04/11/2021 03:05

Me and Ex split when DD was born. DD needs to be registered and ex wants her to have his surname. I am unsure wether to do this or not, I know he’ll be in DD’s life, but where our relationship is so uncertain I’m worried about giving her his surname. I feel as though I’d be doing it solely for him and his family who want DD to have their surname too. I feel really pressured or am I making this a big deal for no reason? I feel like giving DD his surname to shut everyone up. Any advice please?

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Bogeyes · 04/11/2021 05:01

Yours not his. It's about what you want...not about them!

Igmum · 04/11/2021 05:00

Mine. You have split up, give your baby your name 💯. You don't have to put your ex on the birth certificate (though he can go to Court to be added). But absolutely don't even think about using his name after you split up

Asterales · 04/11/2021 04:47

Mine. We're together and DP is a great dad but having carried and given birth to a baby, there's no way in hell I wasn't giving him my name.

sashh · 04/11/2021 04:45

Yours.

If you have another child then he/she can have the same surname.

As a compromise hyphenated maybe.

plantastic · 04/11/2021 04:40

Mine. We're together but not married. They would have had mine even if we were.

GeorgiaGirl52 · 04/11/2021 04:24

Mine. Only If I were married would the child have their father's surname.

orangejuicer · 04/11/2021 04:10

DS has mine.

Frogsonglue · 04/11/2021 03:57

Mine. Don't give your baby your ex's name.

CiaoForDiNiaoSaur · 04/11/2021 03:55

Their dads. Its never been an issue despite people always claiming it causes no end of problems.

Having said that, if we had split up before they were registered I would have given them my name.

MynahBird · 04/11/2021 03:50

I'm married but neither of us changed our names. Our kid has both of surnames, hyphenated, with mine first. He came from both of us; I strongly feel he shouldn't be labelled as being just a product of his dad. This is something I feel pretty passionately about as a feminist.

Undertheoldlindentree · 04/11/2021 03:34

Give the child your surname. It makes travel and admin at school easier. Also their surname usually lasts for life. Its long time to always be explaining the connection between you, especially when you've done the hard work of bringing them up.

IcedCoffeeAlways · 04/11/2021 03:30

DS (age 1) has his dads surname. We will be married within the next year and I’ll also be taking DPs name. For us it wasn’t really that important who’s name he got as long as we all end up with the same name - DP would quite happily have given DS my surname and taken my name himself when we get married but his surname sounds much better with all our names than mine does 🤷🏻‍♀️

Personally, if I wasn’t with the father of my child from birth then the child would have my name (or at least both names hyphenated)

Rtmhwales · 04/11/2021 03:07

DS has mine.

Now married to DH and expecting our first. It'll also have mine. I've never bought into baby automatically taking the man's surname anyway.

I carried DS and gave birth to him and did the vast majority (all) his care. He can have my name.