Those who are not married, does DC have your surname or the fathers surname?

• child

I'm not married and am expecting my first DC with DP. The baby will have his surname. However, I feel strongly that if I wasn't with DP the chichi I'd would 100% have my name.

Oh and to answer your question, I'm married, my children have both my surname and DH's (no hyphen so they have the option to drop one if they choose). No way on Earth I wouldn't have given the children my surname. Married, cohabiting or single.

OP, you would be crazy to give your child your ex's surname in these circumstances.

I assume you are the resident parent and the child will be living mostly with you, with occasional contact with your ex, increasing as the child gets older?

The child should share a surname with the parent who is doing the vast majority of the parenting. Which is the mother in almost all cases.

Give your child your own surname. Use your ex's surname as a middle name if you want.

Ignore everyone putting pressure on you to do otherwise. This is your child, not theirs.

Give dc your surname. Definitely.

I say this as someone who didn't.

All 4 have mine, good job as he is absent and doesn’t see them at all!

@MynahBird Sorry if I come across as rude, I really am just curious. Where would that end though? If your child has both of your surnames and has a child with someone who also had two surnames, does their baby have 4 surnames if they feel as strongly about it as you do. What would you have done in that situation?

@Sam2002 don't let them pressure you, I'd 100% be giving her your surname.

We're married but I never changed my name. My DH was more than happy for our DS to have my surname if that's what I wanted (because he's not an arse) but I went for his in the end for various reasons.

If we had been together but not married it would have been much more likely I'd have given DS my name.

If we weren't even together there's no way in hell I'd have given DS his name! Why on earth would I?

In your situation I would definitely give the baby your name. It would be tonnes easier for schools and admin and doctors etc. Plus since you're not together (and I'm assuming here that you will have DD most of the time at least for the first year) it just makes sense to give her your name.

I'd also think about what you want for her, if it just seems like you'll do it to shut everyone up then I would advise against that!

I had been with my partner 5 or so years (but not married) when I had my first and it was automatically assumed she'd have my partners name so that's what we did. But the more I think about it the less I like this, he's a great man and I don't doubt we won't have any issues in the future but I've even been having doubts on whether or not I would take his name when we eventually get married!

Mine have my exh's and it actually does bother me a bit and then weirdly as they get older. They would like both which is what we will do when their passports run out -Exh has agreed to them adding mine as a double barrel)

You will never have the man's surname. Why would you give your child it?
Makes no sense.
If you will maintain a relationship with him, as friends for her sake, then maybe double barrel it.
Our kids have my name and we are married. To do the opposite for an actual ex and his family sounds nuts.

Double barrelled surname- compromise

Do remember if you give your child dad's surname it can never be changed on her birth certificate, ever.

Give it your surname. You are not together and you will be the primary carer.
If you meet someone else and have a child with them, your kids and you will all h ave different names if you give them the dad's surname.
Ignore his family, it's none of their business.

Historically babies took mothers surname it's just that historically mothers were married to fathers so babies ended up with dads surname by default. It's not that babies were given the fathers surname. Now it's become the norm where parents aren't married to give baby dads surname. Presumably because most couples plan to marry in the future so it makes sense to give the baby the name that will become the family surname so to speak.

I gave DD1 her dads surname as I thought that was what everyone did (it sort of is, only 4% of babies are given mums surname only when there is a choice of mum or dads surname) and I deeply regret this as I had no intention of ever marrying her father and knew we wouldn't last. DD2 also has her dads surname and I'm happy with this as one day it will be my surname. The big problem is that DD1 doesn't want to have a different surname to the rest of us and her father has already said he refuses to consent to change her name. Now if I had given her my surname, I'd just keep my surname and then she would have the same name as me and there would be no odd one out and no attempting to get her father to allow a name change. Win win!

Please think carefully as you already know you are unlikely to have your ex's surname. If you do somehow end up back together and married I'm sure he would be in agreement of changing your DDs name TO his but less likely to agree to change it FROM his.

DD has my name. We're not married.

For those who say it doesn't cause problems - it can and does

DD had to have an op as a 5 yr old and I was specifically asked to sign, not DP as DD and I shared the same name. There have also been a couple of times when DD (when she was small) has been with DP and he has been asked where the 'child's mother' was with them, eg going through customs. Not saying this would have lead to problems but it is the way official bodies can work.

If your DD's father wants to be be on the birth certificate, that's fine. He'll have to go with you to register her birth. Give her your name as surname and include his surname as a middle name. DD has said it would have been nice to have her dad's name on her birth certificate somewhere and it's something we didn't think of at the time

Give your child your surname & add her father's surname as one of her middle names. This way his surname will be on the birth certificate & passports.
If you are no longer with the father & you are the resident parent, it makes sense for the child to have your surname.

My kids have their dads name. I regret it now. We live together, I love him, he's a great dad, but I want them to have my name now. I grew them, I birthed them, I do most of their care.
Give your child your name.

We weren't married when I fell pregnant and so had a hasty wedding, in part because I wanted us all to have the same surname and I wanted the same surname as DD on the birth certificate. If DH and I had split permanently, she would have had my surname. I couldn't imagine having a different surname to her - but that is probably a traditional view and not every one will feel the same

Mine. Our names didn't double barrel well and we couldn't think of a strong rationale to automatically give our children either of our names so we flipped a coin... nb. we will get married at some point but she'll still have mine (as will I). If we weren't together no way would I consider giving children his name.

DS - mine as I had split with his Dad and his Dad is a waste of space and never saw him.

DD - she has mine as a middle name and her Dad's as her last name. They're too long to use both otherwise I think we would have done that.

My surname.

Your surname all the livelong day.

My sister gave her child her partners name. She really regrets it. They are still together but she now hates having a different name as her child now he is at school.

Our D's has both our surnames double barrled with a hyphen hisname-myname. If we were not together he would only have my name, or possibly his dad's surname as an additional middle name.

Both hyphenated?