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Baby names

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Original poster

Those who are not married, does DC have your surname or the fathers surname?

113 replies

Sam2002 · 04/11/2021 03:05

Me and Ex split when DD was born. DD needs to be registered and ex wants her to have his surname. I am unsure wether to do this or not, I know he’ll be in DD’s life, but where our relationship is so uncertain I’m worried about giving her his surname. I feel as though I’d be doing it solely for him and his family who want DD to have their surname too. I feel really pressured or am I making this a big deal for no reason? I feel like giving DD his surname to shut everyone up. Any advice please?

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KatherineSiena · 20/11/2021 12:51

Thank goodness for that (the name, not him being an idiot). I hope he’s not making life too difficult for you, or at least you can manage things and have support from elsewhere.

Original poster
Sam2002 · 20/11/2021 12:19

Chose to put my surname and my god was it the right decision. He’s been a complete knob. Thank you MN! Grin

OP posts:
EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 07/11/2021 20:20

I've never had permission off their fathers to travel with them

VenusClapTrap · 07/11/2021 10:23

The adults I know with absent or useless fathers all wish they had their mother’s names instead of their father’s. Some have changed them by deed poll, to reflect the person who actually raised them.

TurnUpTurnip · 06/11/2021 17:12

You need fathers permission to travel whether they have your surname or not if on BC

Lovelymincepies · 06/11/2021 17:09

Please don’t give your child his name.

It can be very difficult when travelling to other countries….I’m speaking from experience here where I was bloody interrogated in Canada and thought they were going to turn me away.
My son also hates having his Dads name. His Dad is a rubbish father and barely sees him.
Give him yours.

HerRoyalWitchyness · 06/11/2021 17:04

@Onlinedilema fuck me, you're a Debbie downer.
You don't know the circumstances around the children having the fathers surname. Women in abusive relationships may not have a choice

megletthesecond · 06/11/2021 17:01

online no I didn't choose it. He was screaming and threatening me if I didn't. And post c-section I wasn't able to stand up to him, literally. I cried to the register office. Lots of women don't get a choice.

Onlinedilema · 06/11/2021 15:51

meglethesecond with all due respect you chose to give your children the surname they have. Quite frankly you could have used your common sense, thought actually the children will always be with me whatever the future holds, told their father that as you are not married the kids will take your name. You then had the option of changing surnames if you got married. Your ex could even have changed his name upon marriage.
You can't expect registrars to alter birth certificates every single time parents split up. Blimey they would not have enough time. The majority of unmarried parents split up. Why take such a huge risk thinking your ex would always be with you and in The kids lives. Even married parents are at great risk of splitting up.

megletthesecond · 06/11/2021 15:22

It's a pain having a different surname to the dc's. They don't like it and I still get called the wrong surname.
But I can't legally change it because its all about absent parents. Not the one doing the work.

FallonCarringtonWannabe · 06/11/2021 15:20

@PumpkinsandTea

My child has her father's surname. I'm a lone parent. No regrets as it's about my child's right to have an accurate birth certificate. Not about what suits me
How stupid. Of course it would be inaccurate. You can go with a third completely different surname if you want.

Did you actually mean to use the word ‘inaccurate’? As it isnt the correct word at all. The correct wording you're looking for I think is, ‘No regrets as it's about my child's right to have a birth certificate which more accurately reflects patriarchy and misogyny.’ Hmm

Chloemol · 06/11/2021 12:53

No no no.

The child has your surname

LiveForeverHappily · 06/11/2021 12:40

We’re not married, kids have their dads name. I changed my name to theirs as well as I have no contact with my parents and wanted to cut all ties including sharing a name with them.
If I got on with my parents, I may have kept my name and given the kids mine too. Our surname is really nice though, my old one was very common.

meditrina · 06/11/2021 12:36

No, traditionally the child gets the father's name

Perhaps you are not in UK?

Babies get their mother's names, which can mean, for married mothers who changed their name, that it is also the father's

An unmarried woman giving her baby a name that is not her own is comparatively recent trend (only really took off in the late 1980s) and as many people have found to their cost, it carries disadvantage that the traditional system does not.

The reassertion of the traditional approach is something that I welcome, as it is very easy to change a DC's name to the married surname (if marriage is on the cards and if a change is wanted at that point) but nigh on impossible to change from father's to mother's name after a split if the father does not consent.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 06/11/2021 12:36

Give her yours. You carried and birthed her and will do most of the raising (and funding). It just makes sense.

TwoBlueFish · 06/11/2021 12:35

Am married now but not when the kids were born. They have my surname and I also kept m name when I married.

TurnUpTurnip · 06/11/2021 12:35

Oh I see my ex isn’t on the bc as he didn’t show up...

moofolk · 06/11/2021 12:34

My kids have my name

PumpkinsandTea · 06/11/2021 12:33

@TurnUpTurnip @AnotherEmma I'm referring to a PP suggesting OP does not put ex on birth certificate

AnotherEmma · 06/11/2021 12:32

@PumpkinsandTea

My child has her father's surname. I'm a lone parent. No regrets as it's about my child's right to have an accurate birth certificate. Not about what suits me
An accurate birth certificate?! Eh? It's not inaccurate to give a child its mother's surname, it is in fact traditional. You can put the father's name on the birth certificate and give the child whatever surname you want. Still accurate.
PumpkinsandTea · 06/11/2021 12:31

@StrictlyAFemaleFemale

Yours! Traditionally baby gets the mothers name.
No, traditionally the child gets the father's name Hmm
PumpkinsandTea · 06/11/2021 12:31

@Frogsonglue

Mine. Don't give your baby your ex's name.
THEIR FATHER's NAME! Not her ex HmmHmmHmm
TurnUpTurnip · 06/11/2021 12:30

@PumpkinsandTea

My child has her father's surname. I'm a lone parent. No regrets as it's about my child's right to have an accurate birth certificate. Not about what suits me
Why wouldn’t it be accurate if she had your surname? Very confused by that comment?
PumpkinsandTea · 06/11/2021 12:30

@Undertheoldlindentree

Give the child your surname. It makes travel and admin at school easier. Also their surname usually lasts for life. Its long time to always be explaining the connection between you, especially when you've done the hard work of bringing them up.
How does it make admin at school easier?! No issues whatsoever here and I'm the only parent - different surname. Zero issues whatsoever
PumpkinsandTea · 06/11/2021 12:29

My child has her father's surname. I'm a lone parent. No regrets as it's about my child's right to have an accurate birth certificate. Not about what suits me

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