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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Original poster

Name regret

34 replies

ICantShakeIt · 23/09/2021 17:55

Hello, I’m looking for some counsel as to how I can overcome name regret.

To give a little overview, my husband and I had a very hard time choosing a name for our daughter. Sadly, he didn’t like any of my favourites and vice versa so we compromised on a name I liked but didn’t love as it was the only one we both agreed on.

However, as my daughter has developed her personality, I can’t shake the feeling that she really fits one of the names on my favourites list. The name we chose for her is a pretty, feminine (and perfectly nice, normal name) but I just don’t think it’s her. She’s cheeky and loud with a deep laugh and a fiery temper and every time I look at her my stomach goes over as to me, she epitomises the other name which was stronger and had some grit to it. Sadly I can’t tell you what they are as I’ll identify myself but they are both classic top 30.

I realise I may have some hindsight bias going on here but I feel like my hormones and anxiety overwhelmed me when she was born and clouded my judgement and ability to make a decision. It’s since become quite an obsession. I’m pouring over name forums, feeling spikes of jealousy when I hear a parent calling out my favourite name and I’m starting to give myself the ick about the name we gave her. It’s really affecting me which in itself is giving me terrible guilt as there are people going through such horrendous things in the world and I’m stressing about a name.

I’ve spoken a few times about my feelings with my husband and close family members but they all think her current name suits her and my husband refuses to change it.

I’ve read a few threads on here about name regret, some of which say give her a nickname or use her middle name but I don’t want to do either of these things as I feel like I should have got it right in the first place. I’ve tried searching for negative associations with the other name to try and put me off but unfortunately it’s one of the names that’s currently trending with Mumsnetters so I can’t find much bad to say about it (haha).

So there we go, hopefully a few of you might have some advice about how I can overcome this or can share similar experiences. I can’t bear the thought of going through my whole life regretting her name.

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nimbuscloud · 23/09/2021 18:30

It’s not healthy to spend hours obsessing about this. Would you consider speaking to someone about it?

OrangeAndYellowAndBlue · 23/09/2021 18:28

That sounds really difficult for you, sending hugs.

You say that it feels like a bit of an obsession - is it possible you're fixating on this because other things feel a bit out of control? I only mention it because strong name regret can be a sign of post natal depression/anxiety for some people.

It sounds like, to other people's eyes, she does suit her name. I think, if the names are fairly normal and well-known, she will absolutely grow into her name in your eyes too! It sounds like you've called her Lucy and you would have preferred Alexis (or something like that). It's not like you've called her Fifi-Trixibelle or something that would be hard to pull off as a tough, independent girl. There are loads of tough, cheeky Lucys too!

The other option is she'll make it her own with a nickname as she gets older - lots of people do, after all.

Peggytheredhen · 23/09/2021 18:24

As a compromise, I'd look at having your choice added as a middle name

Good plan.

DesdemonaDryEyes · 23/09/2021 18:23

A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.

Peggytheredhen · 23/09/2021 18:23

I had the exactly same feelings OP. Could have written your post. I really love the name we gave my DD now. It now really suits her. She grew into it. I do think this is partly a hormonal thing. Flowers

TaraR2020 · 23/09/2021 18:22

I think you need to find yourself some help. This level of obsession is not healthy.

A little harsh, I think.

Unfortunately, op, given that your DH won't budge I think you're stuck with the name she has. As a compromise, I'd look at having your choice added as a middle name.

Your DD may well change your mind about her name given time.

You will move past this in time because eventually you'll have too much going on to give it much thought.

Smartiepants79 · 23/09/2021 18:18

How old is she? Unless she’s still a baby with no name awareness then I really think you can’t change it.
I also think you can’t really change it against her fathers express wishes. It’s too late.
This really does seem to be all about you. Not her and not even the name really.
In my experience children grow into their names it becomes just another art of who they are. Her name doesn’t change who she is or her personality. She doesn’t suddenly become less cheeky and loud because she’s called marigold and not Samantha (or whatever names you associate with those personality traits.
I think you need to find yourself some help. This level of obsession is not healthy.

Original poster
ICantShakeIt · 23/09/2021 18:17

@crumblebug She’s less than a year old but my husband won’t entertain the idea of changing it. He still really likes the name we chose.

OP posts:
crumblebug · 23/09/2021 17:56

How old is she?

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