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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Original poster

Babies surname?

84 replies

El77 · 11/09/2021 16:55

Would you give your baby your partners surname (you're not married) or make it double barrelled with his and yours?

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MrsBertBibby · 12/09/2021 16:35

women who are legally more free but mentally less free from misogyny than previous generations.

ODFOD. You have no idea what factors drive women's decisions here.

bubblebath62636 · 12/09/2021 13:56

Do not give the baby your partners surname!

If he hasn't shown initiative to marry you before knocking you up then baby doesn't get his surname.

I speak from experience with DD1, finally changed her surname back to mine when she was 11.

legoriakelne · 12/09/2021 13:24

Baby has mum's name.

Baby only has dad's name if that is also mum's name.

Women blithely giving their child a different name to themselves is a relatively new phenomenon driven by women who are legally more free but mentally less free from misogyny than previous generations.

It's depressing when women are so conditioned to meet patriarchal expectations that it doesn't even occur to them that of course their baby should have their own bloody name. Sad

Tigger85 · 12/09/2021 13:17

My children have double-barrelled with a hypthon surname hisname-myname

IVflytrap · 12/09/2021 12:53

Yours or double-barrel. Or yours, plus partner's surname as a middle name. You can always change it if you get married and decide to take your partner's surname.

It is absolutely traditional for children to have their mother's surname if not married. Unmarried women have only started giving their children their partner's surname as default in about the last 20-30 years or so, and even nowadays, not everybody does that.

My family has been researching our family tree and there's quite a few children several generations back born to unmarried mothers, and every single one had the mother's surname. Apart from one, where the mother and father of the child married several years after the child's birth, and the child was then given the father's surname as a second surname. So the child ended up with a double-barrelled surname, although no hyphen.

Dogsandbabies · 12/09/2021 12:51

@SeriouslyISuppose

Use both surnames, no hyphen. In the order in which they sound best.
That's what I did. Especially as I have no intention to get married.
PumpkinKlNG · 12/09/2021 12:47

All mine have my name which works out well since my ex is now absent and doesn’t see any of them. So glad I put my name only.

mummaelle · 12/09/2021 12:46

If I was in a relationship with my baby's father I'd give his surname
But since I was single my dd took mine
I wouldn't double barrel

LimpLettice · 12/09/2021 11:59

Both, no hyphen. Eldest is my name dads name, 2 youngest my name (different) dads name. I'm now my name DH name. So we all have a variation which works and suits our family connection. Ex is a total plank, so very glad I ignored his irritation with using both. Also my name is nicer than either of theirs, v much part of my identity and I wanted to pass that on. DD likes her name so it's win win.

NavigatingAdolescence · 12/09/2021 10:38

Traditionally women were property and their ownership denoted by their surname (father to husband). Why anyone wants to carry on that misogynistic bollocks in 2021 is utterly beyond me.

I didn’t change my name. DD has both names.

Give your baby. If it’s important to your partner to have the same name he can change his. #feminism

SoupDragon · 12/09/2021 10:34

@Chunkymenrock

Your name. No double barrelling. If you marry, keep your own name. Everything straightforward then.
It's only straightforward from the mother's point of view which is rather blinkered. Having both surnames is fairer given there are two parents.
MrsBertBibby · 12/09/2021 09:24

I expected to want mine to have my name, but actually at the time felt it was of little consequence, so he has his Dad's, and mine as a second middle. I'd have double barrelled but the names don't really work together.

Separated when he was 18 months, can't say I've ever regretted it.

jerometheturnipking · 12/09/2021 08:25

I see very few children with the mother’s surname in my line of work - most years it’s the fathers surname/family name where the parents are married.

CassandraTrotter · 12/09/2021 08:22

Go for yours. Always.

BertieTheBungalow · 12/09/2021 08:21

My DS has my DP surname, didn't even think of giving him mine, we are due to get married in 18 months so then we will all have the same surname.

rosy71 · 12/09/2021 08:20

Mine have dp's name. I do regret not giving them mine & would either double barrel or give one surname as a middle name if I was doing it again.

Chunkymenrock · 12/09/2021 08:15

Your name. No double barrelling. If you marry, keep your own name. Everything straightforward then.

user1471543683 · 12/09/2021 08:07

My children have my partners surname, we are not not married. I actually prefer his surname to mine so suits fine. Honestly can't get worked up about them having a different surname to me. Also I work in a job where I see lots of children and all the children who have both parents not married have the fathers name. The only ones who have their mothers name are the ones where dad is no longer around. Children being given mothers name is definitely not something I see where I am.

AnnaSW1 · 12/09/2021 08:00

I used my own

Wole · 12/09/2021 07:58

I'd go for yours. Nightmare to change it if you split.

Mousetown · 12/09/2021 07:43

Double barrelled, not hyphenated.

Aorh · 11/09/2021 19:12

Mine. No debate:

Original poster
El77 · 11/09/2021 18:56

Thanks everyone!!

I think I'll definitely do a double barrelled surname in that case!

OP posts:
MrsM2021 · 11/09/2021 18:25

Told my now DH when I got pregnant that if he wanted the baby to have his surname then we would need to get married. No marriage then the baby would have mine.

We got married before the baby was born.

Blitzes · 11/09/2021 18:13

Yours 1000% I made the mistake of giving DS1 my ex’s and it’s a complete ball ache. I have to prove I’m his mum with documents like his birth certificate when we travel etc.