Active discussions

Help protect children from gaming harms.

Take our survey

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Original poster

Babies surname?

84 replies

El77 · 11/09/2021 16:55

Would you give your baby your partners surname (you're not married) or make it double barrelled with his and yours?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
ShingleBeach · 13/09/2021 18:38

ODFOD. You have no idea what factors drive women's decisions here

Thousands of posts on MN over the years cite the reasons why women a) change their surname to their husband’s and/ or b) give the baby the father’s name.

These, coupled with the fact that men almost never use these reasons (or any others) to change their name in marriage, means that whatever you as an individual chose, the bigger picture still reflects the patriarchy, loud and strong.

And telling people to fuck off is hardly a civilised way to discuss it.

Himawarigirl · 13/09/2021 18:21

We are married but I didn’t change my name and the kids have his surname. If we weren’t married I think they’d have mine.

coffy11 · 13/09/2021 12:07

@NavigatingAdolescence

Traditionally women were property and their ownership denoted by their surname (father to husband). Why anyone wants to carry on that misogynistic bollocks in 2021 is utterly beyond me.

I didn’t change my name. DD has both names.

Give your baby. If it’s important to your partner to have the same name he can change his. #feminism

Yes! It's a sexist tradition and women just go along with it. It amazes me, give the baby your name and if you get married your husband can change his name if he wants to have the same name.
PaddleBoardingMomma · 13/09/2021 11:54

My partners for both my daughters and we aren't married...

Purely because he has a really cool surname and mine is rubbish 🤣

WimpoleHat · 13/09/2021 11:52

Your name without a doubt.

LimpLettice · 13/09/2021 11:50

@HR313 How did you know? When you gave your first DC his name, how did you know he would be more besotted and a better parent than you, meaning his name was a better choice than yours?

Pollythecat15 · 13/09/2021 11:47

I gave mine their father's surname, but I do regret it now several years later (we are no longer together).

mynameisbrian · 13/09/2021 11:47

Oldfestivalgoer oops missed your post...hence my comment

hairymorag · 13/09/2021 11:45

HR313 so are you a shit mum then? Seeing how your partner is so great and your DC were given his surname because of that? I bet it wasnt even talked about, just assumed that kids take dads surname

Oldfestivalgoer · 13/09/2021 10:56

@HR313

My daughters both have their fathers surname. He is an incredible father and is totally besotted with his girls, he goes above and beyond to take care of us all. Hence why they have his surname, despite us not being married. It’s a non issue for us.
Are you not an incredible mother, besotted with your daughters?
HR313 · 13/09/2021 10:28

My daughters both have their fathers surname. He is an incredible father and is totally besotted with his girls, he goes above and beyond to take care of us all. Hence why they have his surname, despite us not being married. It’s a non issue for us.

expectinglittlebear · 13/09/2021 10:24

I think the general "rule" is:

Not married = Baby has mum's name.

Married = Baby only has dad's name if that is also mum's name.

expectinglittlebear · 13/09/2021 10:22

@El77 If I wasn't married to my partner and baby's dad, I would most definitely give the baby my last name. I am married however, so when I give birth in January, our baby will have our married name.

NellyNoNorks · 12/09/2021 20:19

OP, XH and I are both double barrelled, but both only use the first part of our surnames because double barrelled names sound a bit not to our taste. We chose to give our children the part of my surname that I use, even though we were married, and I am still glad of it now. Double barrelled is a PITA, and quadruple barrelled, if you marry someone who is also double-barrelled is just laughable.

Driftingblue · 12/09/2021 20:19

We are married. Baby still has my surname. We basically flipped a coin and I happened to win.

There is absolutely no possibility I would give my child someone else’s surname if we weren’t married.

legoriakelne · 12/09/2021 20:15

@NavigatingAdolescence

Especially given that the numbers of men changing their names on marriage is a tiny fraction of a percent. Wonder why that would be…….. 🤔
Oh it's all just a huge coincidence. All these completely free choices being made in a total vacuum that ever so coincidentally align with the patriarchal society the woman lives in.
IAAP · 12/09/2021 20:15

@PumpkinKlNG

Also not sure if it’s been mentioned but please bare in mind that if you give the baby his surname and you split up (I’m guessing he will be on the bc?) this means you will need his permission if you want to change that name to yours, if you give baby your surname and you do get married etc then you can always change it then but if you stick with his and don’t and then split up you won’t be able to change it unless he agrees
This. All of mine got my surname. We got married after children -and I don't regret it.
IAAP · 12/09/2021 20:14

@MissBPotter

No, I would give baby my own surname without a doubt. When married could change if you want to change yours, or double barrel. That’s if you’re planning marriage in the future.
This 100% of the time.

Don't know why women give their baby someone's name other then their own!

legoriakelne · 12/09/2021 20:12

@MrsBertBibby

women who are legally more free but mentally less free from misogyny than previous generations.

ODFOD. You have no idea what factors drive women's decisions here.

What a strange thing to say. Defensive much?
PumpkinKlNG · 12/09/2021 17:41

Also not sure if it’s been mentioned but please bare in mind that if you give the baby his surname and you split up (I’m guessing he will be on the bc?) this means you will need his permission if you want to change that name to yours, if you give baby your surname and you do get married etc then you can always change it then but if you stick with his and don’t and then split up you won’t be able to change it unless he agrees

SerendipitySunshine · 12/09/2021 17:35

Just your name.

mynameisbrian · 12/09/2021 17:34

My eldest has my surname...my other DC have double barrelled. I am sick of woman handing over blokes surnames to their DC married or not. It is not law that you give your DC you partners names, it is choice. It is also a choice whether you choose to change your name in marriage. You dont have to do that. I am still pissed off that i have two good friends who sent me a congratualtions card on our very rushed marriage as OH was getting potentially life threatening surgery and assuming I was Mrs XXXX..Nope not changed my name and zero plans to

thinkbiglittleone · 12/09/2021 17:28

The baby has two parents, so if the parents have different names, the child gets both names.

NavigatingAdolescence · 12/09/2021 17:23

Especially given that the numbers of men changing their names on marriage is a tiny fraction of a percent. Wonder why that would be…….. 🤔

NavigatingAdolescence · 12/09/2021 17:21

@MrsBertBibby

women who are legally more free but mentally less free from misogyny than previous generations.

ODFOD. You have no idea what factors drive women's decisions here.

Do you have an alternative theory to proffer?

I’m still to find a good reason for women to give up their names and take a man’s.