Would you change your birth name?

Interesting thread. Im Irish but not catholic so although now, nobody gives a rat's ass, i do rememeber 30 years ago when people would note what school id been to and then test me by asking what my confirmation name was!
I hated being different.
Id never assume an Assumpta or a Concepta or an Angustias was religious.id assume their parents were. Over the years ive learnt there is no difference between the conceptas and the kathleens.

It must be annoying to have to set others assumptions straight all the time though.
Id pick a name that sounds like your real name as you like your birth name.
Will you have time to do it before the baby is born? Will her birth cert have yr new name?

Would you consider keeping your birth name but adding a new first name in front of it so you preserve the connection you feel to it but without some of the discomfort you're currently feeling? Another idea might be to look at the meaning of your birth name and choose a 'stage name' version of it for use when you would find it easier to distance yourself from the religion e.g. if your name is Amira, you might choose to be known as Sadie or Sarah which also mean princess.

What name is that, Disney?

No, I love it. So many variations and very classic

I have a typically british name much to the upset of my dad's entire family who wanted a traditional name from their culture. My mum wouldn't have it and naming me was delayed for weeks.

I really really wish I'd been given a name that reflects my heritage
My husband has a very traditional name and instantly people know where he's from and his country (we both come from the same country).
I don't have kids but if I did I would love them to have names that reflect their heritage.

After the second world war there were Jewish people who changed their names in order to blend, understandable in some ways. The next generation were not pleased about that and often reclaimed the name.

A name is not a religion and I think it is you that is making it an issue, plus there must be good things about your ex religion, and definitely are positives about many people who espouse it - perhaps in your own family.

Please think very carefully and from all angles.

Its very rare I hear a name and think "oh x religion" like the name Christian to me I do not assume Christian parents

Ayla for me I think of Jean Auels clan of the cave bear books not ohh Turkish name.

If I hear Adam of Eve again I do not assume a certain religion nor would I wil Muhammed I wait and get to know the person.

The only time I did this was when my aunt and her husband chose Deborah for their dd. Many will be like. Eh Deborah is pretty normal however this was 25 years ago and they live in Scandinavia where this name was highly unusual. However once I got used to the name I did not link her name to religion it became her.

Having said all of that. If you do feel it defines you in a negative way then I would 100% change it

As another example, I know a lot of first and second generation Indian families. I can obviously infer their ethic background from their names but I have absolutely no idea if their names indicate religion… for one, there are a number of religions in India anyway so I wouldn’t guess.
A few have discussed seeing family over Diwali (or rather, having planned to but it being cancelled because of lockdowns etc) but even then I don’t know if this makes them Hindu? Should they infer from the fact that I get a Christmas tree and swap presents at Christmas that I am a practising Christian? Because I’m not, and for most people I know Christmas and Easter etc are cultural celebrations and they don’t actually go to church or even believe in God. One mixed race couple I see socially celebrate both Diwali and Christmas .. I honestly infer absolutely nothing about their respective religious beliefs from this, they just want to celebrate and be proud of their culture(s).

Half the Jewish people I know celebrate Hanukkah … AND also do Christmas cards / might get a Christmas tree etc.

I don’t know what religion you now follow or which country you now live in but if it’s Western Europe, North America etc there is probably a lot less assumption making than you think.. A lot of people won’t necessary assume that ethic and cultural background necessarily means anything about the religion you follow and the faith you actually hold.

I think perhaps people are assuming things less than you think. At least for me, coming from a very white British background, I’d probably assume things about your ethnicity from your name but not your religion. This is because so many white British people will have “Christian” names but make no link between that and themselves following Christianity (I know atheist parents who named their son Christian for example because they liked the name). I am not a Christian but I would happily name a child Peter or Joseph or Mary for example. I know it’s obviously different with, say Islam, where it’s impossible to be of Muslim background and live in the Middle East and admit to not actually having that faith, but I would never assume anything about people’s actual faith or lack of.

Btw you said about Ayla as an example. I think a lot of people in the U.K. would just see the name Ayla as similar to the name Isla and either used by people who a) want a more original spelling or b) have parents from different cultures and want a name that reflects both. The Ayla I know has a Muslim - Turkish father and a British mother (sort of agnostic or atheist Christian). As far as I know, her name was chosen to work with both cultures and she isn’t being brought up to be particularly religious.

It's up to you what you do, August. I note you said you have a new religion. No religion is completely free from taint and if you come from an Islamic background, there is plenty about Islam to be admired; it's unfortunate we generally only hear the negatives. I am a Christian but not blind to mistakes and even atrocities committed by Christians and in the name of Christianity.

Isla is a lovely name and sounds the same as 'Ayla', you could try that if you like it.

Never be ashamed of where you come from, you are an individual.

For the record I have known loads of people called Ali, Yusef, Maryam and the like and they are just people like myself.

Good luck.

Do you have a middle name or nick name you could use day to day instead?

My 1st name isn't common and was rare/unusual when I was born. My parents gave me the middle name of Elizabeth, incase I didn't like my 1st name. I still had the option to use Liz, Beth, Liza or Elizabeth if I hated by 1st name. I love my 1st name, but could you use your middle name instead?

I also thought of that.

For example, if your name was Ayesha (which means 'happy living'), you could become Ayla.

Without a doubt I would change it.
Could you perhaps use part of your original name in a new, secular one?

Forgive me if this sounds ignorant, but when you say 90% of people from an ethnic origin follow a religion is that as in devout regular worship, or more like they're culturally religious? For example some of my friends would say they're Catholic, but they rarely attend Mass. It's a baptisms, confirmations, weddings and funeral type Catholicism with some of the major events thrown in.

I don't see why you'd have to lose a secular name from your heritage just because other people from your heritage have different faith beliefs to you.

Say the name was Christian. I don't think I'd assume a man called that would actually be a Christian. I suppose I might wonder if his parents were. But it wouldn't affect the way I'd view or treat him at all. I wouldn't change my name because of other people.

However, if my name represented a religion I actively thought was wrong (like, my name was Christian but I was a practising Muslim), or I'd had a bad experience of that religion, then I might change it.

I would change my first name if I hated it, for example if it had been 'trendy' when I was born or very unusual and I had the mick taken out of me at school. I was actually not very keen on my name growing up because of being only one syllable and I wanted a name that could be shortened; however it isn't a dreadful name and I have grown into it.

I can't think of a name that is connected to a religion unless it is Islamic, boys named after the Prophet for example, or maybe something like Immaculata or Carmel. A lot depends on where you live; on the continent it isn't unusual for a man to be called Jose Maria or similar and nobody thinks anything of it. Jesus in the Cabbage Van has delivered groceries to me before now :-).

Are you considering changing your own name or are you concerned that you're giving your child a name they might want to change?

I like my name. It's very plain Jane and forgettable. Which I like because none has any preconceptions in job interviews or otherwise.