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Baby names

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Original poster

Using the father's name as son's middle name

40 replies

Emilia993 · 14/06/2021 23:03

So my son's father has a beautiful name, but he goes by his NN. However loved the name before meeting him because it is a character out of my favourite book. I got a first name for my son and for different reasons I couldn't use some other nice middle names. However his father's name meets all the criteria. BUT his Dad and I aren't together, he has never met his son and doesn't want to be involved (although he said he wants to meet him, but I doubt that). We aren't really in contact, as soon as the Child support is through, I can cut off the ties. I am just feeling bit insecure about using his name as my son's middle name. When I think about the name, I first think about the character's name, as said before his Dad usus his Nickname (e.g. Ben instead of Benjamin). Does it seem to weird? I just really have a connection to this name. Thanks for your input :)

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NiceGerbil · 15/06/2021 23:47

Mohammad?!

Is one that springs to mind that is not Christian!

Sure there are loads more.

Viking ones are good.

Wednesday- wodins day
Thursday- Thor's day

Good innit!

I vetoed Thor if we had a boy... (Before the recent films but still!)

GrandmasCat · 15/06/2021 22:29

Most names have Biblical origins so, you have hundreds to choose from.

GrandmasCat · 15/06/2021 22:28

I noticed that by the time DS was 12 he had dropped his dad’s name. He also asked the school to use my surname instead of his when they asked them what name/nickname they wanted to go for.

But if you care more about having your way than hurting your kid… so be it, I suppose.

Onlinedilema · 15/06/2021 21:33

No I wouldn't do it.
Chose another name.
Would you like to be named after a parent,who left you?

whatausername · 15/06/2021 20:38

Is there any name associated with a Biblical story that resonates with you? A quality you would want to inspire in your son?

I quite like Daniel and Luke as names. Or do you prefer more unusual or even obscure ones? If you start a new thread you'll probably get quite a few replies!

Original poster
Emilia993 · 15/06/2021 18:31

I want a biblical name since I'm religious. I want a name that goes well with the first name and that has a nice meaning.

My son had my surname, because it's shorter and easier to spell than his father's surname, plus less stress.

OP posts:
whatausername · 15/06/2021 17:28

@Emilia993

Thanks for all the input.

@whatausername I didn't want to imply that people with depressions can't be wonderful parents. Just in his particular case he admits he is feeling overwhelmed and I can't raise a baby and take care of an adult the same time.

But pointing out that the meaning of the name is likely to be different for my son than for me is a strong point.

Are there any other boys' names you like? Do you have a style you like or one you can't abide? Might be worth browsing some ideas and see what comes up?
Posieandpip · 15/06/2021 16:19

I agree it's not a great idea. It will give the strong impression that you desperately want him involved with baby and will probably be distressing/annoying to have his deadbeat dad's middle name as a constant reminder that he isn't in his life. I have my mums name as a MN and we are NC and it is a constant reminder of that, makes me feel shit and anxious every time i fill out a form.

MadeOfStarStuff · 15/06/2021 16:12

In this situation absolutely not. I think it’s horrible to give him his absent fathers name as a middle name.

niceupthedance · 15/06/2021 13:29

I was in the same boat and did give DS his dads name as middle name - my thinking was if he didn't like his slightly wacky first name, dads name was a sensible second choice.
Despite his dad being a non dad (they have text contact) DS thinks the sun shines out of his arse and is pleased to share a name with him. So it worked out ok.

Just don't give him his surname. Use yours.

ILoveShula · 15/06/2021 13:05

Assuming the baby has your surname and his own first name and you are choosing the name because you like it, then yes, use it.

If it was a case of you being Emilia Smith and the father Ben Jones, then naming the baby Matthew Benjamin Jones would be a NO.

Classica · 15/06/2021 12:28

'Personally, I'd give the baby their fathers last name.'

Awful advice.

Giving the baby the surname of a parent who will choose to be absent from his life. Why would any sensible person do such a thing? The OP and her baby are going to be a unit, they should absolutely share a surname.

With regards to your original question, OP. Personally I wouldn't do that either.

ozzyfroggy · 15/06/2021 12:10

It sounds like you've both got your son's needs in mind.

Personally, I'd give the baby their fathers last name. Changing names doesn't fix the past or present. All we can do is make the best of things. Being patient and compassionate with his father is the best thing you can do for your son. If he decides he can't stand the guy when he's old enough, it'll be his choice. On the other hand, maybe they'll be able to bridge some kind of relationship one day.

He's his father regardless. He exists.

All the best.

Original poster
Emilia993 · 15/06/2021 11:54

Thanks for all the input.

@whatausername I didn't want to imply that people with depressions can't be wonderful parents. Just in his particular case he admits he is feeling overwhelmed and I can't raise a baby and take care of an adult the same time.

But pointing out that the meaning of the name is likely to be different for my son than for me is a strong point.

OP posts:
whatausername · 15/06/2021 11:30

The book "connection" only means something to you though. It means nothing to your DS. It's your favourite book. To him, it's the name of someone who has no interest in him. Give your child the credit of some brains, Ben > Benjamin is not a big leap and he'll twig soon enough. Fixating on some (probably) fictional, constructed character and using that name above your child's feelings does seem like an immature choice.

I am sure you can find a different MN if you particularly want your DS to have a MN :) You can find lots of ideas on here.

Btw, i would caution against your earlier suggestion that strong depression means someone can't parent. Perhaps it was merely clumsy phrasing. Lots of people function/cope/handle/achieve in spite of having depression

LoopTheLoops · 15/06/2021 10:44

But your child will feel resentful for him not being around, trust me. It’s up to you though sounds like you want to use it either way.

Original poster
Emilia993 · 15/06/2021 10:24

The name is more obvious , like said before Ben instead of Benjamin. Most people just know his NN though. And why his father isn't involved is because he got strong depressions (along some other reasons). He isn't a bad person and I don't hate him. I just know he isn't capable of raising a child.

OP posts:
FeedMeSantiago · 15/06/2021 10:12

I wouldn't use the name, people will assume you've used the name because it's DS' father's name.

Also, DS may not like sharing any part of his name with an absent father.

How different are the names? Is the connection obvious i.e. the father is Henry known as Harry or Charles known as Charlie? Or is it less obvious like James known as Bob as James became Jimbob and then Bob and hardly anyone even remembers that Bob is actually James on his BC?

partyatthepalace · 15/06/2021 08:47

@atheist8mantis

Your child may resent sharing a name with his absent father. I wouldn't do it.
Yes this. I wouldn’t. It’s rubbing your son’s nose in the fact his father doesn’t want to know him - every time he has to fill in his name.

Sorry you are in this situation. Make sure he pays up.

daisypond · 15/06/2021 07:58

I wouldn’t. It could be damaging to your child. Hanging on to any name that you have fixated on is just a bit childish. There are millions of names out there, so choose another one that will not be damaging.

ozzyfroggy · 15/06/2021 07:35

Good on you OP for considering it. At the end of the day, we all have to deal with imperfect parents to varying degrees. Giving him the name is the mature thing to do, even if they never end up having a relationship. I knew a guy who didn't even know his dad's surname, it totally messed him up. Good luck with whatever you decide.

GrandmasCat · 15/06/2021 00:28

Your child may resent sharing a name with his absent father. I wouldn't do it.

That 100x

DeepThinkingGirl · 15/06/2021 00:24

Is the name very popular ?

NiceGerbil · 15/06/2021 00:19

I'm not in this situation and the result is a strong no.

OP I would listen to the women on here probably. Are there any other names that would remind you of this book or character.

Skiptheheartsandflowers · 15/06/2021 00:15

@LoopTheLoops

Of course it’s up to the op but she did ask for opinions! And as someone who has done it I do regret and my dd doesn’t like it either, are we only suppose to comment if we agree? She literally asked for opinions, I would question if the op was really over her ex or if it was a way to feel connected to him, I would advise a friend not to do it if they asked
No, fair point, we all get to have an opinion. Worth thinking about. I take it back.