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Baby names

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Original poster

Changing Name DD 8 months

53 replies

SuePlue · 28/03/2021 22:06

Hello,

My DD got a name when she was born. I wasn't certain about this name. It was a pretty 'special' combination, where we decided to put her 'calling name' as her second name, because the initials would seem better. Her 'first' name is an oldfashioned official name of my mother's. DM's real calling name is different. The name we used for calling my daughter actually didn't feel right before birth, but I was then in total panic and couldn't make a right decision and I think I pulled my DH in this situation with me and finally decided on a more unusual calling name. S. al. om. e. That's was her name. I really didn't feel right about this from the start and I really freaked out about it, end ended up in some sort of depression. I never heard from any person ever being in this situation and felt so super emotional, guilty and full of shame. I knew for sure that I needed another name for her....but just didn't know what name. The name we also liked was just 'taken' by a niece that had just been born. We are really close and it just wouldn't feel right to go and use this name. So, there I was, a total mess and just didn't know what to do. We ended up at a psychiatrist and he 'made' us chose a name one day...and we chose the name E.v.a. So different. We chose in a period of total depression and panic. Now, a few months later I look back on this very strange period and feel so sad how it all went. This is not the name I want my daughter to be called, but why can't I just make a decision about what would fit her and us better???? Every moment of the day I'm busy finding a solution. I'm a believer and also praying for it. I know we have the 'authority' as parents to give our little baby girl a name we love for her. But the difficult thing is I just don't know what name will fit. I hope the coming weeks I will feel peace about a name that's closer to my heart and will feel the courage to be able to make the decision to be calling her by her new name.
Anyone any advice? Or experience on this subject?
Love.....

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Puntastic · 07/05/2021 16:22

So you want to change the name for a new one. Does your DP also want to change it to a new one?

Original poster
SuePlue · 07/05/2021 15:57

@Puntastic

I think you need to forget the name your niece has and the name you nearly gave her and changed at the last minute because you didn't like it. They're red herrings. So your options are either that you find a new name you like better than the current one or you accept the current one. Which do you think you want to do?

FWIW, I don't adore my DC's names and struggled to name both of them because my DH and I have very different tastes in names, so I ended up with ones I could tolerate, rather than ones I loved, because DH disliked all the ones I loved. A couple of weeks after birth, I just decided that those were their names now, and that was it. They're perfectly serviceable names, not objectionable and that's that. Once I'd made the decision to accept their names, they just became their names and I was able to stop worrying about them.

DD was born with the name we gave her. Then I realized I found it too hard, didnt have the right connection with the name, then panicked! Now she wears the name we gave her at three months, that name was 'born out of panic and pressure'.....and doesnt feel right either.....that's sad and really unpractical..... We would like to give her a new name...but it keeps on being a frustrating subject and difficult too discuss and decide.
OP posts:
Puntastic · 07/05/2021 11:47

I think you need to forget the name your niece has and the name you nearly gave her and changed at the last minute because you didn't like it. They're red herrings. So your options are either that you find a new name you like better than the current one or you accept the current one. Which do you think you want to do?

FWIW, I don't adore my DC's names and struggled to name both of them because my DH and I have very different tastes in names, so I ended up with ones I could tolerate, rather than ones I loved, because DH disliked all the ones I loved. A couple of weeks after birth, I just decided that those were their names now, and that was it. They're perfectly serviceable names, not objectionable and that's that. Once I'd made the decision to accept their names, they just became their names and I was able to stop worrying about them.

Original poster
SuePlue · 07/05/2021 11:45

@Puntastic

Right, so you don't like her current name but don't know what else to call her?
Correct....thats the short version
OP posts:
Puntastic · 07/05/2021 11:37

Right, so you don't like her current name but don't know what else to call her?

Original poster
SuePlue · 07/05/2021 11:36

@Puntastic

Sorry, I don't quite follow. Is the issue that:
  • she's got a first and middle name and you call her by the middle so you want to swap them around?
  • she has a formal name and you call her by the nickname for that formal name?
  • you picked a name at random because you weren't brave enough to use one you like, don't like it but don't know what else to call her?

or is it something else entirely? Do you know what you want to change her name to?

Sorry....no, we let a name go before birth and went with another name, which I had doubts with from the start....I couldn't and after 2,5/3 months in panic we choose for another name.... We also knew we didnt really like this name, but we had to call her 'something' (that doesnt sound nice). Now, months later I'm still really not happy pronouncing her current name. Going back to the name we did like (the one we let go, because a niece would be getting this name we heard short before birth) is not an option anymore. Its hard to find peace with current name and difficult to find a name we both like....its getting more difficult everyday, thats how it feels like🤷🏻‍♀️ I know, its not somebody will have an answer...but its just getting some air...
OP posts:
Puntastic · 07/05/2021 11:25

Sorry, I don't quite follow. Is the issue that:

  • she's got a first and middle name and you call her by the middle so you want to swap them around?
  • she has a formal name and you call her by the nickname for that formal name?
  • you picked a name at random because you weren't brave enough to use one you like, don't like it but don't know what else to call her?

or is it something else entirely? Do you know what you want to change her name to?

Original poster
SuePlue · 07/05/2021 11:16

[quote SuePlue]@TatianaBis, you can be right. But the thing is, that the situation now is real. And I know the only possibility is, acceptance or making a clear choice and deal with it.
I do have some help with it. (We, I mean;)) But I see that my head is just turning circles and it's really hard to make a decision. I know, not a single person that's interested in this part of the story;) But it's just what it is. I have to think of the future and in that case I have to make a choice. I'm her parent! Come on!!
And of course there's 'corona', but I have to get out there a little more and be proud to show my precious girl to the world a bit more than I do now.[/quote]
You know what it is, the name switching short before birth and letting the name 'go' we actually both liked, was the biggest mistake. Familymember got indeed the same name. If I see what troubles it gave me, emotionally and practically.... men that was the most stupid choice :-( I still dont have the guts to introduce my daughter freely.
And to go back to the name we let go, more than nine months ago....thats complicated now, because niece has the same name :-(.....
Its still the name I like to pronounce the most....and my husband also....
Anyone?

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Original poster
SuePlue · 12/04/2021 09:04

@TatianaBis, you can be right. But the thing is, that the situation now is real. And I know the only possibility is, acceptance or making a clear choice and deal with it.
I do have some help with it. (We, I mean;)) But I see that my head is just turning circles and it's really hard to make a decision. I know, not a single person that's interested in this part of the story;) But it's just what it is. I have to think of the future and in that case I have to make a choice. I'm her parent! Come on!!
And of course there's 'corona', but I have to get out there a little more and be proud to show my precious girl to the world a bit more than I do now.

OP posts:
TatianaBis · 05/04/2021 22:13

I’ve seen this before OP in post natal depression whereby the name becomes this focus of massive anxiety and angst. I understand you think the depression is caused by the name, but I feel that the depression and disorientation of birth is finding a focus on this particular issue.

Salome is a nice name, but if it’s causing you a lot of stress it’s not working for you. Eva is a nice name. If you chose something else that would be nice too. There is no right name. If you have to change it, I understand it’s a pia but if it can be done that’s ok.

I think the main thing is to take a step back, breathe, and focus on getting yourself a bit calmer.

Original poster
SuePlue · 05/04/2021 21:52

@GingerFox2021, thank you so much❤️🙏🏻

OP posts:
GingerFox2021 · 05/04/2021 21:40

@SuePlue In my opinion, you shouldn’t pay attention what other people might think, how they will accept the new situation etc. It’s your child, do as you inner voice is saying. Think this way - if this name bothers you now and it’s been only 8 months and you can’t find a peace in your mind, what will be later. You have to be comfortable with the name the child has/you give. Important what you and your husband think, agree between both of you. The other opinions do not matter, after all you have to use this name everyday in your family.
And congratulations with a baby! Take your time choosing the name and don’t let anyone to push you to make a quick decision. Doesn’t matter the baby will be without a name for a while - it won’t be without a name forever anyway.

Original poster
SuePlue · 05/04/2021 21:01

@GingerFox2021, thnx for your reaction. Yes, indeed that name is more rare, unusual, we did like that, but I also found it difficult. I do like her to have a name that’s a bit different. But it should be easy to pronounce. I just really had difficulty with the pronounciation and people having trouble to pronounce it right, some mistaken it in Salomo....We changed it to ‘firstname use’ short before birth. Before that we had easier names.
The emotion that she was born with that name and then panicked 😔 and then eventually changed it, with some pressure to choose ‘a’ name, to the name she wears now....is the difficult part. Now is the question, can I live with the situation how it is now, or have the courage to find a name that will fit her and us better.....
And accepting the process that everyone has to get used to the new situation etc.

It’s great to have a year to adjust the name of your child officially. In the country I live it’s not that easy unfortunately.....but there will be a way....🙏🏻 and we will overcome this situation....
The special thing is, there is a little babygirl growing inside my belly😳☺️. So I really would like to have some peace about her name.....and have peace finding a name for mini also.

OP posts:
GingerFox2021 · 05/04/2021 20:04

I like Salome - it’s more rare, unusual, uncommon name which I like. I didn’t experience this situation but I understand how you feel. It took us 40 days to decide on name and we were changing them every week or so cause we wanted to be sure to give a name we both like. Take your time, you still have few months.

Original poster
SuePlue · 30/03/2021 21:59

@GraceArcher, of course PITA ;) You're right, we know that now.
Yep, 100% happy with the new name. We hope to reach that point soon.

OP posts:
GraceArcher · 30/03/2021 21:32

Pain in the arse.

If you are Jane Sabrina Smith, but generally use the name Sabrina, you will sometimes get called Jane, but you won't realise they mean you.

Things like your work email might end up as [email protected] or [email protected] but people will try to send it to [email protected] etc. I've seen it happen.

You will get called Jane at doctor's appointments, hospital appointments, by the nasty schoolteacher etc, so best to use the known as name as the first one, so Sabrina Jane Smith.

Just change it, but make sure you are 100% happy with the name first. You can find out how to change it in NL.

Original poster
SuePlue · 30/03/2021 21:11

@GraceArcher, what do you mean by PITA?

OP posts:
Original poster
SuePlue · 30/03/2021 21:00

@GraceArcher...yes, clear;)

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Original poster
SuePlue · 30/03/2021 20:59

@bridgetreilly,
I do understand your reaction as an 'outsider'. I would think like that if I would no be in this situation. But it goes a little deeper than that.

OP posts:
Original poster
SuePlue · 30/03/2021 20:58

Yep, you're right. That's how the situation is. The only thing is, in the NL we cannot really easily change the name, but it's not impossible. I have had some sort of depression after some weeks (after labour), I did get some help, but I know the source of the 'problem' was not being happy about the name, and that was a pretty serious thing....First I had to accept that....I never new this existed, not being able to 'cope' with the name of your child....and the fact that I didn't know how we did want to name her.
So, that's where we are right now....wondering how to get this thing done. We know that when we chose for a different name, it will take time get used to it and we need courage to actually name her differently.
And not getting lost in the 'world of names', because that's also a complicated thing.

OP posts:
GraceArcher · 30/03/2021 20:17

but not buy

GraceArcher · 30/03/2021 20:15

So your baby is called something like (I've used different names buy ykwim)

Jane Sabrina Surname

known as Sabrina

but your therapist suggested you pick a new name for your baby and you chose Ava. Is that right?

  1. Are you depressed in any way? If you are, please get proper help for it.
  1. You can change your baby's name quite easily if she's less than 1 yr old.
  1. Why don't you think hard about what you really want to use as her name - her calling name.When you have decided, change the name to
Ava Sabrina Surname

Or whatever you want her to be called.

Having a calling name in the middle is a PITA. In the UK we go by Calling_name Surname, usually.

Good luck

Original poster
SuePlue · 30/03/2021 19:36

I mean the name you use on a daily basis. I’m sorry. I’m not from the US, we’re living in Europe;)

OP posts:
Stevearnottsbeard · 30/03/2021 19:11

Sorry, I know its off topic but would just like to double check what is meant by a calling name? Is it something religious or just the name you will use in a day to day basis? Sorry for my ignorance

bridgetreilly · 30/03/2021 11:13

You don't have to love the name. You love your daughter and as you come to know her more and more, her name will simply become an extension of her. Please try to stop focussing on this and simply enjoy your beautiful little girl.