Is this double barrel cruel?!

I would also drop a Mc.

Pluas why so sneery? It sounds like you think you are better than ‘these women’.

I've been doing my family tree recently and it was traditional in 19th century to give mother or grandmother's maiden name as middle name or first name. It's made for some great names in my tree like the fabulous Sneasby Thody!

I would make one a middle name. I know a few people who have done this.

How about McKade? Maybe you and your husband could change too so the whole family has the same name, but still with a link to your original names.

OP, i think both sound fine together, but if you are comfortable dropping a Mc then that could work too. Best of luck to you 😁

I love it OP, mine are double barrelled and now exDH and I are sadly divorced it means that they have my family identity too. They can always change when they are older, in the meantime it’s nice to represent both of you.

@Tooearlyforsquats Yes, indeed. Many of us with actual experience (like you) have made the same point in this thread. I've taken my kids abroad many times both with and without their dad and it has never, ever, been an issue.

@Pluas- see also

(d) My name was so boring and his is really unusual and interesting
(e) My name was so difficult and his is really simple and easy to spell
(f) I couldn't wait to change my name away from my horrible father's (but I could wait for x years until I got married, even though I could have changed it for free and legally at any point from the age of 18)

Yeah probably along with ‘Ho ho ha, think of all those grandkids with 16 names!’

Yes, well known issue in the entire Spanish speaking world.

I don't think this ever happens to anyone, @Tooearlyforsquats, it's just one of those things that the kind of woman who (a) says earnestly that she was proud to take her husband's name, (b) says 'But your maiden name is just your father's name!' or (c) says 'I wanted to feel like a team, so we all had to have the same name' thinks of as a 'Gotcha!' point.

Not read through the thread but please don't this to a child

So I kind of like the idea of double-barrelling names, with the mother's name passed down through the female line and the father's name passed through the male line.

So Mr Anderson and Ms Bennett have a daughter called Lottie Anderson-Bennett.

Mr Carpenter and Ms Dean have a son called Larry Carpenter-Dean.

Lottie and Larry meet, fall in love and get married. Lottie keeps her mother's name, Larry keeps his father's name and the next generation becomes the Carpenter-Bennetts.

Simples!

Or McKinade

Can you squish them together? McKinleydade?

@RainingBatsAndFrogs As the children of people who exercised choice instead of just following 'tradition' or being pressurised by ILs to adopt the man's name, i would fully expect my own Dc to also use free will and choice, and not be pressurised. And as parents who did what we chose, we would never pressurise our Dc to do anything that what suits them best for whatever reason. They can choose one of our names because they like the sound of it best, or follow a pattern with a new partner that goes 'one has Dad's name, the other, mother' or make up a new name or anything they please. If they end up with kids with 8 surnames that is entirely their own responsibility. But I credit my own kids with more common sense, and the confidence to know that any of their choices will be supported / respected.

As someone who made exactly the same choice you did for pretty much the same reasons, I fully concur with every word of this post.

Less wordily:

This.

I can imagine plenty of families falling out about this and choosing to take offence - the mother's parents insisting that their two surnames are used for the grandchildren, as they are the 'real' grandparents; the father's parents insisting that it's 'tradition' to pass names down from the paternal line.

Yes, they can stamp as much as they like and, as I said, offence is something that you choose to take; but I bet there will be a lot of grandparents who are secretly devastated at being apparently relegated to second-class citizens by having their own names eradicated.

But unless someone stands up to foot stamping, nothing will ever change.

My ILs insisted on addressing my Dc with their surname only, and addressing me with DH's surname, which I have never had and never used. What was I supposed to do? Worry about them being 'offended' and change my surname to theirs?

I honestly can't see parents of current Dc's generation who did anything that caused a bit of tension repeating that tension and demanding that any dynasty be perpetuated through a name.

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll I feel like you're overthinking this too much.

You're very probably right!

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll I feel like you're overthinking this too much. I really don't feel like it's a case of kicking the can down the road. My daughter has a double barrelled surname and if and when she chooses to get married, I will support her in whatever decision she makes about her name, whether she keeps her full name, drops my name, drops my husband's name, drops both names and takes her partner's name or makes up an entirely new name. Her name, her choice :)

Fair enough, then - thanks ScarletZebra and RainingBatsAndFrogs - I wonder if everybody would be as 'tolerant' and rational as you are, though.

I can imagine plenty of families falling out about this and choosing to take offence - the mother's parents insisting that their two surnames are used for the grandchildren, as they are the 'real' grandparents; the father's parents insisting that it's 'tradition' to pass names down from the paternal line.

Yes, they can stamp as much as they like and, as I said, offence is something that you choose to take; but I bet there will be a lot of grandparents who are secretly devastated at being apparently relegated to second-class citizens by having their own names eradicated.

The only reason that I don't have a middle name is because, when my older sister was born, one of our grandmothers was putting a lot of pressure on our parents to give her her first name as a middle name. Our parents decided not to give her any middle name at all, because of this; then, when I was born, the precedent had already been set. Our DGM was (so I'm told) really miffed and offended about this; but it didn't even seem to occur to her that my DSis actually had two DGMs! Even so, both of our DGMs had names that were very appropriate for ladies born in the 1920s, but they would have been unthinkable for a child born in the 1970s. One of them has never come back 'in' at all, even now, and the other one (AFAIA) is only ever used to a certain extent in Scotland (we were English Midlands).

I'm genuinely interested to know how people go about deciding which name(s) to use in these situations.

This is a 'Bingo!' point on any surname thread.

As the children of people who exercised choice instead of just following 'tradition' or being pressurised by ILs to adopt the man's name, i would fully expect my own Dc to also use free will and choice, and not be pressurised. And as parents who did what we chose, we would never pressurise our Dc to do anything that what suits them best for whatever reason. They can choose one of our names because they like the sound of it best, or follow a pattern with a new partner that goes 'one has Dad's name, the other, mother' or make up a new name or anything they please.

If they end up with kids with 8 surnames that is entirely their own responsibility.

But I credit my own kids with more common sense, and the confidence to know that any of their choices will be supported / respected.

I'm genuinely interested to know how people go about deciding which name(s) to use in these situations.

It's called choice.

The next generation is perfectly capable of deciding for themselves what they want to do. Only 1 of my double-barrelled DC is actually married and I was quite surprised that they kept our whole surname. Didn't expect that.

Nothing to do with us, but what they chose to do as a couple. So the DGC have our full name as well.

Waiting to see what DC2 and OH will decide when they get married after Covid. Will be happy for them whatever they call themselves.

Yes it’s a bad idea

Could you drop the second Mc so you're paying tribute to the main part of the name? So McKinley-Dade ?

I had a double barrel surname and hated it. Learning to write your full name in school was a nightmare, filling in forms, giving details over the telephone etc. I shortened it in school and used just the initials (Lucie D-S for example) my sister also hated hers and just dropped one of the surnames completely when she went to secondary school.