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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Original poster

Using DS1 middle name for new baby

63 replies

DollyParton2 · 30/01/2021 23:39

Hi all
I’m due with a little boy in a few weeks. We had 2 names I’ve been going back and forwards with the whole pregnancy but not in love with either/ keep going off them. Suddenly saw DS middle name in print and it reminded me how much I love it!
It’s non sentimental/ family connection we just liked the name.
Would you bat an eyelid if you knew a friend had used 1 of their DCs middle names for a future sibling?
I personally don’t get the emphasis or importance of middle names, it’s lovely if there is a family connection etc but I usually barely remember or think about them. Neither me or DH think it’s an issue at all but agree we love this name.
Interested in thoughts, thanks!

OP posts:
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sundowners · 31/01/2021 12:54

Just seen this thread. I can chip in- the same thing happened to my and my older sister. Our mum thought she couldn't have another baby so used the 2 girl names she most loved as DSis 1st and middle name. Along came I 6 years much to her shock... and without much of a thought, she named me DSis middle name. I love my name, and love the link I have with my sister (even though its as others say pretty insignificant in the grand scheme of things).
Sorry to disappoint those who want to present OP as a terrible mother in doing this - but to me it showed extra thought as by giving Dis 2 of her most favourite names, then unexpectedly having me and calling me the middle name, showed how cherished and loved it was rather than grabbling around for any old other name she only half-loved and sticking that on me, not the opposite at all.

Iknewyouwerewaitingforme · 31/01/2021 12:47

Wow- people on here are irritating. OP is a few weeks away from having a baby. She’s thanked people for opinions, told us she’s going ahead but taking up suggestions of possibly using DS name as DS2 middle name. Accept it! Stop attempting to ridicule and cast scorn (when it’s you who end up looking like anal pedantic weirdos) over something that is so so so unimportant. Just wish her well and move on.
And get a life Hmm

Floralnomad · 31/01/2021 12:44

It’s not your first ds that will feel like you didn’t bother though , he will always feel that the new baby has been named after him , it’s the new one that may have an issue .

Original poster
DollyParton2 · 31/01/2021 12:43

smoothchange no. A “name” is the first name that all people who know you, call you by. Associate you with. When your asked on the phone for your details you give you first and surname. A middle name is rarely used, or referred to, is largely unknown or forgotten by most who know you and insignificant to practically everyone other than some people on Mumsnet who obsess over them.
Other than on your passport or birth certificate or applying for a bank account, a middle name has no significance in everyday life. So no, my children will not share the same names.

OP posts:
smoothchange · 31/01/2021 12:33

@DollyParton2

Thanks all! I’ve just spoken to DS (8) and his eyes instantly lit up & cracked a massive smile that his brother would take his middle name “so we’d both have the same name” even more so when, as suggested I said we’d give DS2 his name as the middle name. Thanks for the suggestions and for those being positive. Still genuinely amazed at the strength of feeling around this.

Surely not?

You are not seriously going to call your children the same 2 names Hmm

Original poster
DollyParton2 · 31/01/2021 12:22

Thanks all! I’ve just spoken to DS (8) and his eyes instantly lit up & cracked a massive smile that his brother would take his middle name “so we’d both have the same name” even more so when, as suggested I said we’d give DS2 his name as the middle name. Thanks for the suggestions and for those being positive. Still genuinely amazed at the strength of feeling around this.

OP posts:
WellityWellityWellity · 31/01/2021 10:32

@RuthW

I would but I'f be tempted to use ds1's first name as ds2's middle name yo make it fair.

For example
Ds1. Albert Eric
Ds1. Eric Albert

Yes, if you're going to do it, I'd do this, rather than changing your older son's name by deed poll!
RuthW · 31/01/2021 10:30

I would but I'f be tempted to use ds1's first name as ds2's middle name yo make it fair.

For example
Ds1. Albert Eric
Ds1. Eric Albert

Angel2702 · 31/01/2021 10:19

I wouldn’t do it, you don’t know what their future relationship will be like. My H has his brother’s middle name and it did cause problems.

All children deserve their own name.

WellityWellityWellity · 31/01/2021 10:16

You could lie* and say it's a family name! That does happen and works imo, as there is a reason you couldn't deviate from exactly that name.

*alright maybe not, but you know

partyatthepalace · 31/01/2021 10:15

Doesn’t matter at all - go for it.

I’d probably assume it was a family name if I knew. But as middle names are rarely heard people won’t know.

Monkeypeas · 31/01/2021 10:05

It is hard IMO to pick another name you love for a 2nd baby of the same sex ad your 1st but there will be a name.

My friend did it with her children as she really loved the 1st child middle name but I have to say I do think Its odd and like the 2nd child gets a 2nd favourite name not a 1st choice name.

I really wouldn’t change your existing sons name to use it, that is really weird and changing his identity now.

If you aren’t 100% sure on the 2 other names then just keep going until you find one you love

WellityWellityWellity · 31/01/2021 10:05

Well, that is true about MN. And I can only speak for myself when I say I don't feel strongly about it and would say "ah what a lovely name" irl. But since the op asked. No, I think it's not a very nice idea. But "your bubz your rulz"!

If you don't like mumsnet's occasionally brutal honesty, there is another place where you will get that^^ response Smile

Iknewyouwerewaitingforme · 31/01/2021 10:02

Mumsnet at it again! Like I’ve said so often, less of a cross section of society and opinions more just a select few ranting away with very strong/ random opinions about things the majority in reality definitely don’t agree with!
OP- please feel fine using the name! In the scheme of what’s going on in the world right now and what there IS to give a shit about/ have strong feelings on this is nothing!

Original poster
DollyParton2 · 31/01/2021 09:59

But we LOVE this name! It would mean picking a name we far less like to all use every day (as opposed to a middle name that just sits there hidden and dormant) for the rest of his and our lives! Just incase a few random people who happen to remember what DS1 middle name even was, seem to have bizarrely strong feelings about it.

OP posts:
WellityWellityWellity · 31/01/2021 09:56

If it is a less common name, I definitely wouldn't use it! It does look lazy and even though I know that isn't why, it might be what your DS thinks; that they couldn't be arsed so gave me the same name as dc1, but a name they didn't even like enough to use as his first name! Yikes. No.

I'm not passionate about it. Couldn't care less. But, your DS might is all 🤷‍♀️. There are so many not top 20 names around. Honestly? Find another one, would be my opinion. Only since you asked. If a friend did it, I wouldn't mention it though of course.

Original poster
DollyParton2 · 31/01/2021 09:49

Thanks for comments. Still genuinely amazed at the feeling and passion that middle names can bring up! Very interesting.
Those saying it looks like I can’t be arsed/ am lazy etc it’s the opposite, really. I obsess over names. The 2 other boy names I’ve been deliberating over all pregnancy just don’t feel right. With DS1 and DD- even if this baby had been a girl I had chosen names that had both personal meaning to us as well as loving them and knowing I wouldn’t regret them. The 2 boy names I have just don’t feel right. They don’t fit well with their siblings, I feel we’d regret them. They’ve been pretty marmite on here too.
I don’t like top 20 names at ALL. I feel why label a child with such a bog standard, average heard everywhere name that has lost any appeal or individuality through being heard everywhere.
So that counts a lot out!
My feelings against doing this are far bigger than reusing DS middle name for our future child. So pretty sure we’re going to go for it. Really don’t see it as a big issue at all.
I’ve even looked into it- we could remove DS1 middle name by deed so it’s a non issue and add in my grandfathers name for him, and then my sadly passed uncles for DS2.

OP posts:
WhatWouldPhyllisCraneDo · 31/01/2021 09:46

Honestly, if it were me, I wouldn't tell you either. I'm almost 100% certain it would be something that bothered me though.

Fair enough. But being as close as we were growing up I have no doubts that they would have told me if it were an issue.

intheshallows · 31/01/2021 09:35

I wouldn't! Just doesn't sit right with me for some reason!

This is why I don't understand parents who give their child a middle name 'just because'. I only see the purpose of a middle name if it's a family name/paying tribute to someone. Just my line of thinking though!

I started a thread a little while ago asking for helping picking out my new baby's name from a choice of two favourites- it surprised me how many people were suggesting using one as the middle name! Why? We so rarely use/hear middle names in every day life- why waste a favourite one leaving it unusable for potential future DC?

smoothchange · 31/01/2021 09:30

@WhatWouldPhyllisCraneDo

Nope. It wasn't an issue for them either. Hence they never mentioned it growing up. And I've asked since I found out. They actually quite like it.

Honestly, if it were me, I wouldn't tell you either. I'm almost 100% certain it would be something that bothered me though.

Iamstrugglingtopick · 31/01/2021 09:25

I would do this! My husband picked DS1 name as he vetoed the name I loved as a first name, DS1 ended up with the name I wanted as a middle name and if I ever have another son I would definitely be using the name.
Pick the name you love

Edenember · 31/01/2021 09:12

I would avoid personally. I don’t consider it an absolute don’t do though.

WhatWouldPhyllisCraneDo · 31/01/2021 09:10

Nope. It wasn't an issue for them either. Hence they never mentioned it growing up. And I've asked since I found out. They actually quite like it.

smoothchange · 31/01/2021 09:08

@WhatWouldPhyllisCraneDo

I grew up with sisters whose mum had done this. It was such a non issue that I was in my 30s when I realised Grin

It may have been a non issue for you, while still being an issue for them. The second sister in particular.

WhatWouldPhyllisCraneDo · 31/01/2021 00:51

I grew up with sisters whose mum had done this. It was such a non issue that I was in my 30s when I realised Grin