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Baby names

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Original poster

Engaged - so who's last name to give?

84 replies

Delilah221 · 08/01/2021 12:28

Hi All,

Apologies if this is the wrong place to post, just wanted some advice!

We're currently TTC our first, and we got engaged around 3 weeks ago!

Basically - before we got engaged, I said to my OH that if we're not married when we have children, the baby would take my last name until we got married. (This was not a push for him to propose as i said this around 2 years ago!) I think it's fair as I would've carried them/birthed them and wouldn't like them having a different last name to me. (This may sound childish/selfish i know)

I also am confused as to how it would work at hospital/docs when your baby has a different last name to you?

However, as we are now engaged and looking to get married in 2022, I'm unsure as to what sure name to give our future bubba? My gut is saying to give them my last name until we marry, and then update both mine and babies name on the birth certificate once we get married. But on the flip side, should i give them my OH's last name and just update mine when we get married? I have no doubt that the wedding wouldn't happen (If it didn't it would be down to Covid, not us deciding not to lol)

I appreciate this may sound ridiculous to some as we're still TTC and don't have a baby on the way yet. It's just something that has been on my mind for a while and having a different last name to my own child is something i feel quite strongly about.

Apologies for the lengthy post, any help/advice would be great!

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Lockdownlovernotfromliverpool · 08/01/2021 12:41

In hospital the baby will have your surname on the band anyway.

FancySomeChips · 08/01/2021 12:40

Def yours or double barrel

VinterKvinna · 08/01/2021 12:40

Your name until you are married

Original poster
Delilah221 · 08/01/2021 12:39

@Meredithgrey1 - thank you for responding :)

This is what I'm thinking, but i would need to update my own name on the birth certificate when we do get married, so we would be updating the babies at the same time anyway. So will only be one re-registry?

Also - Again, not sure how this works with Docs etc, as it will most likely be me taking them for jabs etc on my own. (I am aware i am thinking way ahead in the future! Bad habit of mine!)

My OH is fully aware of this too, and he's happy for the baby to take my last name and then just update them both after we get married. But i'm doubting myself as i don't know if i'm just being ridiculous to even be thinking of giving them my last name now that we're engaged. It was different before when there was no marriage in sight lol.

I also don't want crazy backlash from anyone/his side of the family if they don't have his name when we're now engaged. Hope that makes sense!

Again, i know it all sounds a bit silly at the mo, but it's just been going round my head for ages and just wanted to get it off my chest and get some honest opinions!

OP posts:
DifficultBloodyWoman · 08/01/2021 12:38

Yours!

Something may happen that you don’t expect that prevents you from getting married (infidelity, hit by a bus etc).

The baby should have your name (which would be both traditional and practical) until you change your name, if you plan to do so when you get married.

It really isn’t difficult to change a baby’s name when both parents agree. There will be more paperwork involved in changing your name than you child’s.

Seriously. Not kidding.

A baby is one form and a birth certificate and mention it to the doctor on your next visit. You will have to contact work, benefits, landlord, mortgage company, bank, credit card, pension, doctor, gym membership, Amazon account, electricity, gas, water council tax, tv license......

Are you rethinking changing your name now? (You should - I went through this 3 years ago and still have two things in my old name that are a PITA to change).

SnailortheWhale · 08/01/2021 12:37

Personally I wouldn’t TTC until married although I appreciate there may be good reasons why you want to. I would rather do a registry office legal ceremony and not even bother telling anyone and have the big wedding later if that’s what you want. Have you discussed and planned out with your boyfriend (because legally that’s all he is until you’re actually married) how you will split childcare responsibilities equally or are you taking more of a financial and career fit? Presumably you’ve read up on all the legal and financial implications of not being married first? Hopefully all will be well and you’ll get married as planned but things change and I wouldn’t make ANY decisions, including the name, on an assumption that you’ll get married in a year or two. Make all decisions like that’s totally off the table, then you won’t regret anything if it doesn’t happen.

burnoutbabe · 08/01/2021 12:34

won't you have to register the birth anyway after marriage? i'd give them your name, as who knows what may happen. change it when you re-register.

www.gov.uk/government/publications/application-to-re-register-a-childs-birth-following-marriage-of-natural-parents

Rudolphian · 08/01/2021 12:33

Give your name and then change it when you get married

Meredithgrey1 · 08/01/2021 12:31

If the end result that you have in mind is you and the baby both having what is now your fiancé’s last name, then tbh I wouldn’t bother with the faff of giving your child a name you are planning on changing a year later.