Engaged - so who's last name to give?

[quote Yennefer19]@sandandso I think that where mothers always get parental rights, unless the dad is married to the mother then parental rights are not automatic.[/quote]
OK, yes, that's true. Rights and responsibilities. I think most women planning to have a baby with their partner would not be planning to deny him parental responsibility. The advice not to marry for that reason would make sense for a woman who has become pregnant by a man she doesn't want anything to do with, but not for one who is happily coupled up and thinks marriage is just a piece of paper.

Give the child your name.

Then he takes your name on marriage. Simple :)

@sandandso I think that where mothers always get parental rights, unless the dad is married to the mother then parental rights are not automatic.

I mean, strictly speaking it gives the most protection to the lower-earning or stay-at-home spouse who has primary responsibility for the children. That could be the man, but is usually the woman.

I may be wrong but for those saying getting married before hand, I’m pretty sure that it actually protects the father better than the mother to be married before having children.

@PrivateParty one that specifically affects the child is what happens financially after a split. I think unmarried fathers only have to pay basic child maintenance. If the couple are married and divorce, it could be significantly more, plus of course housing for the child will be taken into account.

Yours, then you can always travel with your own child and not be questioned, in the unfortunate event that you don't get married because you will have the same name.

Women and children are no longer the possession of men which is where that 'tradition' comes from, not some romantic coupling identity which most women in here think it still is.

Your name or double barrelled not his name. Too many of my friends have regretted giving their children boyfriends and fiancé’s names. It’s the principle of it. Plus you would be the one doing the hard work with pregnancy and giving birth!

Fathers name. Child will take it anyway so just give them it now.

PrivateParty googling brings up plenty of resources, a couple of examples:

www.simpsonmillar.co.uk/media/the-legal-benefits-of-being-married-uk/

www.economist.com/special-report/2017/11/23/why-would-be-parents-should-choose-to-get-married

I have a baby on the way with my boyfriend, we are planning on getting married one day but in no rush. I'm not even sure if I would change my own name when married if I'm honest so I'm also not sure what name to give the baby, my current thinking is to give her a double barrelled last name (as we would do this if we split anyway) and use that on all her official documents. People/friends very rarely ask for the babies full name so you could informally refer to them as yours or your partners name (whatever you're comfortable with) until you're married then all switch to his last name when you're married, but until then the baby has both of your names for legal documents/Dr's which is a fail safe for you both.
I will probably give her a double barrelled last name and then figure out whether to change it as and when we get married, but until then she has both our names and everyone's happy!

Marriage isn’t about a big party and a white frock.

It offers legal protections that you really should put in place BEFORE the baby.

Why would you choose NOT to be legally protected? Weddings are still happening under lockdown.

Also, you don’t have to change your name. I did when I married young and I regret it now I’m older and wiser. I remarried on the condition my name was going nowhere.

Honestly I would give baby your name & keep your own name after marriage. But if you are intending to take your partners name after marriage it would be easier to give that name when you register. Growing up my mum had 3 different kids with different last names & she changed her own twice. It didn't cause any issues.

I was in exactly the same position as you a couple of months ago, I had all the same feelings as wanting the same name as the baby. We'd need trying a year and started the initial stages of seeing a fertility consultant and I felt awkward that we was so desperate to have a baby but not married- again like you waiting for after Covid but in the end had a real frank conversation about priorities and decided an elopement to Gretna Green at the beginning of December with just us and we will plan a big reception after that for our family and friends. 2 weeks after booking the wedding and 4 weeks away from it I found out I was pregnant, absolutely overjoyed and I completely get everyone's makes different choices and priorities but you have to do what's rights for you. All our family and friends were so pleased for us and then telling them about the baby topped it off.
Good luck with the what you decide x

Why do you want to change your name when you get married?

Your name. Always your name.

In my area, its very common for unmarried couples to have kids. They always have the mans surname. And it's the mum doing the doctors appointments etc. No problems in having different surnames, despite what some people here have said.

@MimiDaisy11 Just wanted to say, that although it's not a requirement, you still can re-register a birth post-marriage of a child's parents in Scotland too, if you wanted to do it like that.

www.nrscotland.gov.uk/files/registration/form-rr1.pdf

I think given this is possible, it makes sense to do mother's surname until marriage, and then re-register (if you want) with father's surname post wedding. It's a good compromise.

@Delilah221 I got married last year. We also didn’t “elope” so as not to upset the family... MIL sobbed at the idea. So we did it more their way. I think they had a good day overall but they are still disappointed at some aspects and I SO wish that we’d done it our way. Everyone always says it, I know, but please learn from my mistake!!

Have the little wedding now and make it easier for everything if that’s what you want, then celebrate with a bigger day down the line, potential with baby too! I wish we had.

The easiest solution is to give baby your name and then for your husband to adopt that name on marriage.

There is no earthly reason for this not to happen.

Personally our boy will have my OHs surname we're engaged but only just (plan to marry in the next couple of years) although even if we weren't I'd still give our son his surname I never even thought to question it. I'm surprised how much the topic comes up on here. Just my opinion though