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Original poster

AIBU not honouring dead family with name

52 replies

yippieplubath · 07/01/2021 18:03

friend's FIL lets call him Rodger died with friends DH was a teen. When friend was pregnant with a boy her DH was adamant that he wanted to honour his father with the name Rodger.

Friend felt it was offencive to say that she didn't like the name so came up with many more but her DH kept saying that it was really important for him to honour his father. The DH didn't place any value on middle names so didn't want it to be the middle name and was very happy for his wife to choose middle names of this child and the first names of any following child. The DH is a very nice man if this is relevant and this was something that made him feel closer to his father and that he really cared about.

The name isn't Rodger but its very similar and a little old fashioned. Friend didn't hate the name at all but didn't want to call her child this name and really wanted an unusual name.

If this was me I would have vetoed the name in a respectful name. For me I would want my child to have a first and second name that I really liked. Would this make me a raging bitch?

Baby Rodger is now 4

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NeonSparkle · 07/01/2021 18:23

No I wouldn’t have used it if I absolutely hated it. Me and my husband have many dead close relatives but we didn’t use their names if we didn’t like the name. I would have said it’s middle spot or nothing in that instance.

EdgeOfACoin · 07/01/2021 18:19

If it were me and I disliked the name, I would have said middle name only. If there was an acceptable nickname that could be used, that may have been an acceptable compromise.

Presumably the child has the father's surname. If so, the FIL has been sufficiently respected.

However, the child's name may have bothered your friend less than it bothers you. If it was a name she didn't hate, she may have felt that this issue was more important to her husband than to her.