Using same name as friend

One of my friends has a daughter with the same name as another friend’s daughter. They’re close and see each other regularly and it just results in both girls being known as “firstname surname” all the time. When they younger the youngest used to get called baby “firstname”.

I had a name picked out for my future DD for years. It took a long time to have her (20 years of trying) but when she was born, I naturally gave her the name I had imagined her having.

I hate it now . It grates on me so I call her a nickname.

OP, you can call your future DS whatever you bloody well like. But keep an open mind as you might come up with something you like more.

I would tell them it’s a name you will likely use as it’s a family name so they get a warning if you’re all particularly close. If you have a welsh connection, it’s not like they can argue, especially if they don’t!

You have a right to choose your child's name but I do think you should be considerate of your friend and how they might feel about it.

That being said, see how you feel if you ever have a son. I understand having names you like but even if you have lots of children, they could all be girls! There is no reason to worry about this now.

It's fine. Just mention it's a family name or something if it worries you.

They'll be a year apart anyways.

I definitely agree to just test the water when you see them “it’s such an amazing name, it’s been on my list since I was a child myself!” And see how they react, positive response = no issue and you’ve set the ground work for if you ever want to use it. If you get a weird response then deal with it when you actually have to. You could end up with daughters and never need it or completely change your mind 😊

Honestly don’t get hung up about it now. We had names picked out for years and then they just didn’t feel right when I was pregnant and when I gave birth. So if you’re anything like us, this is Unnecessary worrying. When you do have your baby and if they suit your chosen name, then just name them that. I’m sure your friends have bigger things in the world to worry about

I wouldn’t worry about it now.
In the end of you do become pregnant and if you have a boy then whenever that is you can I think use the name. If it doesn’t feel right when the time comes then you have a rethink to another welsh boys name.
for sure don’t worry about it at all now.
See what happens and how you feel then if you have a boy.

I would just use the name you have chosen. You can always use a little nickname when everyone is all together - they don’t own a name just cause they used it first. You may have a girl first and a boy never or in a few years when it will feel less weird.

@Poppyolive90 I have been in your boat twice! My DH is 5 years older than me and 99% of his friends have children already, many multiple kids. But in fact it was two of my friends who gave their kids names DH & I adored. When my friend had her son I told her “I love that name more than any, excellent choice, I’m probably going to steal it in X years”. She laughed and said the boys would probably become best buddies. Same thing a few months ago when a friend had her daughter. She gave her quite an uncommon name that my DH & I didn’t think anyone would ever use but us (it just goes to show you’re never as original as you imagine). When congratulating my friend on the birth I could honestly gush at her name choice and told her my DH & I would have to go back to the drawing board. She was so grateful with the affirmation for the name, admitting because it’s uncommon they had been unsure how it would be received, and said there was plenty of room in the world for two [name]’s if/when we had a girl. Now that we are finally expecting (hang in there, it will happen) those names don’t seem right anymore (despite being great names). It has surprised me so much because I was adamant our boy and girl would have those names. Brush this off for now, you can definitely still use the name.

If you have a DC of that sex and still want to use the name, just do so! Doesn’t matter what others think / say.

If it is a welsh name it probably won't be that popular UK-wide, but might be very popular in Wales. I'm thinking of something like Rhys, Osian or Gethin.
I don't think it would raise too many eyebrows if you used the names.

If it is something a bit more unusual, like Peredur, Taliesin or Aneurin, it might.

I wouldn't worry about it too much. You might go off the name anyway.

Best wishes for TTC.

I think if they knew all of this and knew how much it meant to you then they would have no problem with it at all.
You have your heart set on it and it’s good to focus on something you want to happen. Good luck x

My best friend named her baby the same name as my oldest. And it made me SO happy that we both have an “name”. It’s a popular name, I don’t feel propriety over it at all. And when I talk to her I get a kick out of saying “how’s your name?” And she’ll ask how mine is.

Just use the name, it's fine. If they question it just tell them it's a family name from your Welsh side and you'd picked it years ago.

My kids have very unusual names and I honestly wouldn't give a toss if someone else chose to use those names. I think people who get worked up about stuff like that probably don't have a lot going on in their lives.

If you aren't all that close to them, i'd still use it

I'm sorry for how you're feeling. I would use the name anyway. Also, in chatting with the friends now I would tell them that you love the name - and in fact it's the same name that you have picked out if you have a little boy one day - that you've had it picked for years. Then just use it if the time comes, and try not to stress about it.

Definitely think you should use the name if you’re still in love with it. Friends can drift, the children wouldn’t be in the same age group, etc... one potentially awkward conversation is better than having name regret. They will probably be thrilled that you like the name as much as they did anyway.

You are right no one owns a name and it sounds like it means a lot to you. If you saw them daily or even weekly and so your kids would be together very often, I'd say it could be difficult to use the name but otherwise.... Just say to them next time you see them "by the way, X was the name we always planned to use if we have a boy, it's so great to know other people love it as much as we do!".

And then in future IF you are due to have a boy (AND assuming it's still your fave name), remind your partner's friend by saying a breezy "Oh by the way, we still love X as much as we always have - hope it won't be awkward when we name our boy that too, hehe", as if it's a done deal - you aren't asking for opinions on it. If you don't make a big deal of it, neither will others.

I'm sorry it's not all happening as quickly as you'd like. It's stressful.

Its not surprising that you cried. It's really not.

Hopefully your time will come really soon.

You might not still love the name by then, but if you do, definitely use it!

Close friends of ours used the name we had chosen for our DS and it honestly didn't occur to us not to use the same name two years later. Just do it and don't worry about it. Good luck for the future.