Baby surname - advice needed

Sorry to hear this op but it was entirely predictable after the way he’s behaved before. It’s good that he’s don’t this now before you put him on the bc.

Get him out of your home, get legal advice and make sure he’s paying maintenance. Your life will be so much happier and more peaceful without this idiot.

He's shown his true colours again.

Don't put him on the north certificate. He would have parental responsibility for the baby and this gives him the power to make your life hell.

If he wants to take you to court let him. Don't give him the power to hurt you.

He really is a nasty piece of work. You and your baby will be much better off without him.

For legal advice, try Rights of Women - they have information on their website and a family law advice line. You could also contact your local citizens advice; they don't offer legal advice but can signpost to local solicitors and law clinics that are free or low cost.

Glad that he's agreed but don't feel intimidated if he changes his mind in the day.

And if you are thinking of changing it later, that should be after he's had at least a couple of years proving how he's a good father and partner.

I fear that @YoniAndGuy may be right. Once he's on the bc he has parental rights. He's nasty to you, he's threatened to have your baby taken off you, he's promised to make life very difficult for you. He clearly doesn't have the best interests of either you or your baby at heart. Make him prove himself first - you can add him on later, but you can't take him off.

He's abusive. In the nicest way possible, it would be better if he did leave. Controlling men don't change and it's damaging to children - even babies - to be living in that environment.

With your current plan, what are you going to do when he does kick off when you're registering the birth? You said before that you'd cave if he did that, so what has changed for you to feel you won't now?

Oh and once on the certificate he can also petition to get his name added and force you to double barrel.

No. Please do NOT put him on the birth certificate.

I am sure that he has been reading up on this and knows only too wll that once he's on that certificate - he has rights. And you cannot take them away.

Do it differently. Register alone.

He can THEN prove that he's a good father over time - and he can be added later if he does indeed do that.

He's going to be nice as pie and the perfect partner until his name is on - and then that certificate will be waved in your face and he'll be snarling that he's going to make sure he has the final say on it all - schools, travel, if you want to move - he can control it all.

Don't do this.

I gave my first baby my name with the dad on the BC. We got married and re-registered the birth with our married surname. No fuss, no problems and we all have the same surname now. So if it works out and you get married then you can change the BC anyway.

Its seems my information is incorrect, I will ask for MN to take my post down.

Please give the child your name and only you on the BC. Good luck to you both

Definitely register in just your name. Do not be intimidated by a Nan who is prepared to bully you to get what he wants.

Oh and it you do split up he can’t just demand access to a tiny baby. No court would allow him to take the baby from you for days at a time he’d have a couple of hours contact every week so don’t worry about that.

Give the baby your name. I’d say that anyway as you aren’t married to him, regardless of the stability of the relationship. You are the baby’s mother he should have your name.

He sounds absolutely horrible. ‘Get the baby taken off you’ how on earth is he going to manage that. You can’t get a baby taken off someone like that.

Register the baby by yourself and have a serious think about whether you’d be better off as a single mum or being stuck with this unpleasant man in your life.

Definitely your name, and register the birth without him there. Let him leave. Even better, take control and throw him out. He upsets you every day - why would want him to stay?

Being a single mother will be far pleasanter than having the stress of this arsehole abusing you. You can focus on your beautiful baby in peace.

By the way, if you're worried that he might try to register and name your baby without you, he legally cannot. Only the mother OR her husband (whether the father of the baby or not) is legally allowed to register a birth.

An unmarried father can accompany the mother IF she consents, but she will always legally have the final word on everything, should their stated wishes differ in any way.

I'm not certain, but I assume that, even in the case of a married couple going to register the birth together, the mother's word is still final, should they disagree on anything.

Tradition dictates that a baby is given the same surname as his/her mother, so tell him you're just doing it as 'standard' if you feel you need to give a reason.

Many married women take their husbands' surnames, but the baby is still named after the mother - it just works out that the father also happens to have the same surname i.e. the man gives it to the woman and the woman subsequently gives it to baby; the man doesn't give the name directly to the baby.

But leaving tradition aside, you'd be crazy to give the baby your partner's surname. If this makes him angry, calmly point out that it's much more straightforward for the baby to have the same name as the parent he's guaranteed to be living with, considering the many threats/promises to leave you both.

Your baby is a person in his own right, not a trinket owned by his father to be got out of a cupboard and shown off on the odd occasion when the whim takes him.

Please go alone and give baby your name. I speak from experience after years of hassle, you've got massive red flags going on right now. Let him take it to court. He can get himself listed as father after a DNA test but he can't change the surname. DD is desperate to get her surname changed to mine and I can't legally do it without her fathers permission. She's 8 and he's let her down badly all her life. Do the right thing by your baby. Maintenance is a separate issue if that's a worry.

He can be furious and cause a scene when you register the birth but as you aren't married you have the final say in what you name your child. Registrars are aware of this so most are discrete in asking the mother the names of the child when parents aren't married.

If you don't take him with you to register the birth then he won't be put on the birth certificate at that time. However he can very easily get parental responsibility by going to Court, and so have the same responsibilities and associated rights as if he was on the birth certificate. Bear in mind at the moment the Family Court system gives fathers a lot of benefit of the doubt as while they leave the mother they don't leave the child (ren).

He still has to pay child maintenance regardless.

He may if he is vindictive go to Court and successfully argue before your child starts school that the child's lastname should be double barelled. Most men don't do this as they either aren't that much of an a-hole or more likely they don't know they can.

Start talking to family and friends now particularly anyone he respects who isn't themselves an a-hole who will talk to him. That way you can split up without more animosity.

He has no intention of being a decent df. Or he would not be planning on taking it away from it's dm whenever it suited him... Register alone. Claim Cms. If he seeks legal advice he can show a judge he has your dc's best interests..

As pp have said - the provision of child maintenance can still be enforced by the child support agency regardless of whether or not the father is listed on the birth certificate. Register the baby with your surname, don't put your partner's name on the birth certificate and leave what sounds like a very toxic relationship. You do not want your son to be raised in an environment where his mother is treated with such little respect. Rest assured, he will not be able to take your baby away from you or see him whenever he wants. As others have said, seek support from your health visitor, local women's organizations, citizen's advice, friends and family - help is out there and you're strong enough to manage on your own.

Go alone, use your name.
If dad wants to go on the BC then he can go to court and be easily added on after a court ordered conclusive DNA test.....if he can be arsed.