My name's been robbed... By accident!

I get you, OP. This is one of those Mumsnet oddities. In Mumsnet land, no one would mind if their best friend's DC was named the same name as their own DC. In reality, most people I know would take a dim view of this. Just like in Mumsnet land all parents apparently use the kiddie playground equipment, despite the fact I've never seen an adult do this in real life.

My sympathies. Maybe it wouldn't have suited DC2 anyway. Do you know what sex baby you're having?

I'd just it anyway if I were you OP.
I have one child with the same name as two of his cousins. All three have different surnames so it's not a big deal. They are called by variations of the name, think Matthew, Matt, Mattie. (not the actual name) Mine is the oldest, and I never even thought anyone was copying me.
For all you know your friend my move and your kids won't know each other long, or another family moves near and yours will be one of three or four at school with the same name.

I know where you're coming from OP. My brother, unknowingly, used my favourite ever girls name for his dd1. Its the name I've always imagined giving my own dd, ever since childhood. Only I don't have a dd. Only sons. I was upset to start with, but actually the name I love belongs to a little girl I adore rather than an imaginary girl who might never exist.

His DD2 has the same name as DD1s best friend. The DC think it's funny!
I also (unknowingly) used DSsis favourite boys name for one of my DSs. She told me when he was about 10. But she's never had a son, so had i known and not used it, it wouldn't get used.

Before she was born, I planned to name my DD Estelle, Ruby or Caitlin. NONE of these names suit her and she has a totally different name. Wait until your baby arrives and choose a name then.

Have you mentioned to your friend that that was the name you had chosen too? Like others have said no one owns a name and I'm sure most people wouldn't be weird about it.

To clarify, still really good friends with friend B, love her to bits and hold no grudge, partly because she owned what had happened and also I do think I found a nicer name out of it!

Ignore the bitchy remarks. For some reason on MN some people just can't help themselves.

I had similar. Wasn't as attached as you but the name top of our list for DS was used shortly before he was born by another family member, and I didn't want to use it too as it was unusual and I felt it'd look silly.

Since then about 1 in 5 boys seem to have this name so I'm relieved we didn't use it and I love the name we did go with.

I have no idea if that's remotely useful!

Are you happy to share the name with us? Maybe there’s a variant or something similar we haven’t thought of?

I shared my favourite boys name (Noah) with a friend when she was pregnant, and I wasn’t. She had a girl bit after having her told me she’d loved Noah so much she would have used it. I then became pregnant myself and jokingly shared the story with a totally different friend, who was about to give birth, and you guessed it, she called her baby Noah when he was born a few weeks later . She was unapologetic and just said “look, I loved it, I hadn’t though of it and it felt right, and obvs you still use it if you want to”. I didn’t by then and when I gave birth to my son a few months later I’d found a name I love love loved and left Noah in the shade (IMO obvs). Now there are a million Noahs everywhere so that’s even better.

Yeah-I don't think that you're being daft at all, Op.

Much as we know that we're unlikely to be choosing a unique name, I'm not sure that many of us would use the same name that a friend just has?

Use the damn name . Fast forward 15 years and its likely your tight friendship group is but a distant memory. So you would have 'wasted' the opportunity to use the name you wanted.
Nobody cares - really they dont. Your baby will be themselves and will not be mixed up with the first child.
Plus ,on re-reading ,I see you dont even know the sex of the new baby anyway yet - so the point is more than likely moot.

I hate the way these threads always end up with the OP being patronised and told she’s being stupid.

I understand your disappointment OP, I really do. You have minor regrets about baby #1’s name and now you feel like you can’t use this name you love. I know what it’s like to have your heart set on a name. And, despite people telling you to just use it, they wouldn’t actually have to live with the consequences of looking like you’d copied your friend (and, realistically, that is what it would look like).

I don’t think there’s a perfect solution here. You’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

You have no way of guaranteeing that he will be the only “Rodrigo” etc

So he could end up at school at be “Rodrigo 2 or 3”. I know 3 Beau’s for example who’s mothers all thought they’d be the only one.

In all likelihood they are never referred as “Rodrigo” and “Rodrigo 2”. At school we often would say “Ava Carter” and “Ava Smith” or “Ava” and “Ava Rose”.

I think you’d be incredibly daft to give up on the name you love for this reason. If you wanted to let go then you would but part of you is so keen to use the name you are actually grieving for it. So use it. As others say, people move or grow apart, these kids aren’t necessarily going to grow up alongside each other for 18 years and then how would you feel?

If you had named your oldest this name there’s still a huge chance your friend would have named their child the same name that they did and never have given it a second thought.

Are you definitely having a DS? I haven’t seen you say for sure that you are...

Personally I think you’re being ridiculous. You may move away, you may stop being friends and you’ll have chosen a name you didn’t really want for your child.
My uncle was named Bill and a year later his cousin was born and also called Bill, nobody cared, nobody got mixed up and the dc didn’t think it was terrible being Bill 2.

Loved the name Matthew when expecting dc1 had a girl so didn't use it. Friend named her baby Matthew when I was pregnant again and the time came to choose Matthew was then off the table, I wasn't bothered at all. Ds2 is now 4 and I much prefer his name.

Are you sure you will be friends with this person for life and that having 2 little Bobs in the friendship group would bother you? There will be plenty of people who don't know him as "Bob 2".

I agree with previous posters, if this is the name you wanted and regret not using, then I would go ahead.

My best friend called her daughter the same name as my daughter. Its not a big deal unless you make it one.

Bear in mind that your friendship might not last a lifetime. All my friends from my baby days have moved away and I've lost touch. If this friend disappears from your life, you'll kick yourself for not using the name you want.

You're being ridiculous.

You're being super daft :-) it really doesn't matter. When they get to school and all through life, they'll meet others with the same name.

My friend named her son Archie, another friend was pregnant and very matter of factly just stated she would also be using the same name as it had always been the name she wanted for her son.There was no drama or upset, she was very honest and upfront and therefore no issues. Just do it x

[quote MetalheadMel]@TheSeedsOfADream yes I know, Im not upset with her, how could I be? It's more upset with myself for being glum about it[/quote]
You’re allowed to have your feelings, @MetalheadMel - and having recognised them will make it easier for you to deal with them. I don’t think you need to avoid the name you love, and maybe deciding that you can still use this name will help you feel a bit better.

But be kind to yourself - don’t make yourself feel bad for having feelings - let it happen and work through it.

It really doesn't matter what you call your child. Nobody owns a name, and each person with the name is an individual.
Call your baby something else if you want, but if you really like it, stick with it.

I'm not quite getting why you didn't use it the first time?

If your husband didn't like it then-was it just an empty promise to use it the next time?

So you don't want to use it now because it would seem like copying your friend even though there is nothing to stop you using it.

Find something else & use it as a middle name?

It is disappointing though when you have your heart set on something.

I would talk through the situation with your friend - think it would help you come to terms with it if you truly feel the name is lost to you and would make you stop feeling awkward around them. She may be able to help you come up with another name you love just as much as you evidently have similar taste!

Agree with others though that if you really did want to name your baby that if they were a true friend they would understand and not hold it against you