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Baby names

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Original poster

Baby's surname

62 replies

lbanana · 21/09/2020 04:31

I have an issue deciding on baby's surname! Baby's Dad and I aren't together (long story, long on and off relationship, definitely off before I knew I was pregnant, blah blah). He would like her to have his surname, and kind of keeps badgering me about it. I've said I'm leaning towards double barrelling the surname, as I think it acknowledges us both as parents, and in theory she could decide what she wants when she's older. He is not keen on that at all. I haven't mentioned the possibility of her just having my name. I'm assuming he'll stick around, but don't know for sure as he hasn't always been reliable for me in the past. Thoughts? Does it matter that much which surname she has? She won't be arriving for another 3 months, but he asks all the time!

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timeisnotaline · 21/09/2020 06:59

Your name. He’s flaky already but thinks he can dictate the name. You can always offer to double barrel when child is maybe 10 if he’s an amazing dad.

Wannabangbang · 21/09/2020 06:53

Give your baby your surname, i heavily regret giving my eldest his fathers surname and many years later i have changed it by depol due to him being born before 2003 luckily didn't need deadbeat fathers permission!

zigaziga · 21/09/2020 06:51

Presumably you’ll want to go on holiday with your child at some point in the future and her having his name may be problematic. Your name would be much more practical in all ways.

My DC have my DH’s name with mine as a middle. I’m happy with this but we’re married so it is different as obviously there is a commitment there and I trust him to be there for the DC every day.
It still means that a lot of school teachers and parents only know their surnames not mine so I get “Mrs DHName” from their form teachers a lot. I find it funny really but I imagine it would be pretty annoying if we weren’t even together.

JoanJosephJim · 21/09/2020 06:51

Yours 100%. You register your baby's birth, he cannot do it alone. Therefore you just do it without telling him.

If he is unreliable now, far better for her to just have your surname. If you give your baby his surname you will never get to remove it. The courts will not allow you to change it at a later date.

Fast forward 5 years you marry, change your surname, you have a baby with your husband, you want to change your eldest child's surname to match, easy if that baby has your surname, impossible if they have their Dad's.

Also travelling with a child that does not share your surname can be problematic. My friend was stopped in an airport coming home, had to get her partner to email the children's birth certificates to prove she was their mother as they had her partner's surname.

RomanyBlood · 21/09/2020 06:47

Yours, or hyphenate both.
Definitely not just his.

SquirtleSquad · 21/09/2020 06:44

Yours 100%

Plesky · 21/09/2020 06:42

Yours of course.

ILoveStickers · 21/09/2020 06:34

It's traditional for the baby to have the mother's surname.

I think there are reasons not to do this if you don't want to - but in your case, I would definitely give the baby your surname only.

NeverHadANickname · 21/09/2020 05:15

Agree with previous replies. Give your surname.

mumsymummum · 21/09/2020 05:15

Give the baby your surname. You've said yourself that he's not reliable so if you give the baby his surname you're (potentially) giving your baby a constant reminder of their absent father. Not that there's any point saying this to him as I'm sure he'll swear that he will stick around. I would just tell his that traditionally babies take their mother's surname (which would be the same surname as the father if the parents were married) so it will be X.

Sertchgi123 · 21/09/2020 04:54

@Aquamarine1029

Give the baby your name. His preference is irrelevant.
^ this
Aquamarine1029 · 21/09/2020 04:33

Give the baby your name. His preference is irrelevant.

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