Baby's surname

I'd give her your surname only! I did with my DS and I'm very glad I did

It also means that if (god forbid) she follows the patriarchal approach and changes her name if she marries etc, it won’t be my name she loses!

You may not need to share a surname. But why choose deliberately to give the child someone else's name? Someone who is going to find it easier than you to walk away if they choose? Giving the child a surname isn't going to tie a father down if they don't want. There are no benefits to giving the father's name, lots to giving the mother's name.

I regretted not giving my first daughter my surname and she ended up changing at 16 anyway. Second daughter has my name, it was non negotiable

The point that if he wants to match baby, he can change his by deed poll easily, is a good one.

If he'll be a good co-parent, and wants to be on the birth cert, then give him PR via the birth cert. If he's a pita, make him get PR via court of he wants it.

Your name, your name.

Why on earth would you give the human you've grown from your own body someone else's name?! The baby can change it to whatever she likes on 18, but for now, your name. I wouldn't double barrel, what a pain.

Definitely give baby both your surnames. She can go by whichever one she likes best when older.

Your surname. He's not keen, too bad. Wouldn't actually put him on the birth certificate at all. You can go and register the baby by yourself, you don't need him there at all.

There is no way my babies would have had any surname different to mine. Think that’s why he realised it’d be a good idea to marry me 😂

Your name!

I kept my name & my kids have DH’s name, it’s never caused me any issues, but it still irritates me & I still wish we had double barrelled (DH didn’t want to). In your situation you would be absolutely bonkers not to give your name.

I'm in a long term committed relationship with plans to marry imminently and baby still got my surname. 1. It's tradition to get the mother's surname 2. She's my baby too and I want her to share my name (he is welcome to change to my surname too)

Give baby your surname. The children of unmarried women have always had their mothers name’s until the last couple of decades. Baby will be with you much more for a start.

Your name.

Baby gets your surname, don't be a victim of the patriarchy.

Absolutely give the baby your surname. And I say that as someone who chose to be Mrs DHname and has kids whose surname is DHname.

All this “it’s traditional to have the father’s name” is utter bollocks. It was traditional to be married to the mother and for her to change her name. But it was her name - albeit her married name - that then went to the children. Unmarried mothers’ babies had the mother’s surname.

Do you want to seek his written permission to take your child abroad for a holiday until your child is 16? For him to be able to veto your choice of school?

He can go to court to be given PR very easily.

The reality is that you'll be the one dealing with doctors, dentists, schools etc for your DC. Do you really want to have a different surname to your child when dealing with all that and having to explain every time - I'm Miss Xxx, little Johnny Y's Mum....?

I’m married to my 10 year old DD’s dad. Never changed name. Use Ms.

DD has her dad’s surname and mine as a middle name. I have never had any issue with having a different surname to her. Including travel around the world with her on my own since she was a newborn.

My cousin had a baby with someone she wasn’t with earlier this year. Was determined to give her surname but he persuaded her at the last minute to go with her surname as a middle name and his as the surname. We went on the BC. She went along with it because “he’s a good bloke and will definitely do the right thing”.

He was great for the first 6 weeks? 6 months on he’s taking her to court because he wants 50/50 contact and to take baby hundreds of miles away every other week. (Cousin is breastfeeding and terrified of baby getting stuck up north if another lockdown happens/the dad refuses to return the baby.). I foresee a lifetime of hassle.

He has already messed you about and been unreliable.

I would even think twice about putting him in the birth certificate.

Do you want to seek his written permission to take your child abroad for a holiday until your child is 16? For him to be able to veto your choice of school?

He can (and should be encouraged to) have a great relationship with your child, be present, be loving etc. All that can happen without him having the same surname as the child.

Your surname, for sure!!

Use yours. Stand your ground on this.

XP wouldn't let me use mine or double barrel it and it's a pain.

Don't give the baby his name! Why would you? Just because he wants you to? What about what you want? What about honouring your family or whatever line he is going for.

Practically, your whole life is going to be easier if you and your child have the same name. Especially if you decide to have another child in them future.

Emotionally it will be good for your child. You will be a unit. 'We are the Browns' gives a sense of identity which is nice.

Traditionally babies have their mother's surname if you aren't married. People didn't go around claiming other people's names for their baby, they had their name.

Most importantly, this is your baby. Don't eradicate yourself before he or she is even born.

Is your ex also pressuring you to build a cot and get his maintenance payments set up? Has he been on a paediatric first aid course and learnt his phonic sounds? Or is it just this he's enthusiastically looking ahead at?

The reality is that you'll be the one dealing with doctors, dentists, schools etc for your DC. Do you really want to have a different surname to your child when dealing with all that and having to explain every time - I'm Miss Xxx, little Johnny Y's Mum....?

Why would you give your child the surname of a man who hasn't treated you very well? Probably because you're hoping that it will make him treat you better and maybe come back to you? If that is the case then you need to get a grip of yourself. It's never gonna happen.

Personally I wouldn't put him on the BC either if he's not committed. That would just be asking for trouble later down the line, and he doesn't need to be on the BC to pay maintenance.

Your name. I regret giving my eldest his dads