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Original poster

Giving baby DPs surname

136 replies

FlowerPig · 13/09/2020 13:18

So it never crossed my mind that baby would have my surname until I saw threads on here re the potential difficulties in not having the same surname.

Me and DP are in a stable relationship, we are engaged but marriage isn't something I've ever really wanted so we've never started planning a wedding. Only now do I think about it, purely so that I'd have the same surname as baby - to me marriage is just a piece of paper.

I am quite happy for baby to have DPs surname. Am I as mad as some of the threads make out or are those views pretty extreme?

Anyone got any thoughts/advice/first hand experience to share?

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PepperminLilly · 13/09/2020 13:51

My DC have my exP surname. I regret it and wish I'd insisted they took mine. I didn't really think about it at the time as obviously didn't think we would split up. When they were at school everyone would assume I was Mrs (exP) surname so I was always having to to correct them.

Sparticuscaticus · 13/09/2020 13:49

If you've no intention of getting married soon, I'd give the baby your surname name or double barrell it on their birth certificate.

user165423256322 · 13/09/2020 13:46

Marriages break up all the time, do mums change their children's surnames back to their maiden names then?

No, because unless there is documented domestic violence they would need the father's permission to change it.

Why do you think a child should have your partner's surname and not yours?

user165423256322 · 13/09/2020 13:43

to me marriage is just a piece of paper

Then you clearly do not understand what marriage is. There are pages on the Citizens Advice website that explain it clearly.

If you have no intention of marrying then you're not engaged. And if you're not married then the baby should take the mother's surname.

SeanCailleach · 13/09/2020 13:42

As a database manager I can tell you that
Not everyone has a surname
You can choose any surname you like
So your child can have your surname, your partner's, both, or something else.

I recommend both if you aren't married. Saves a lot of pointless explanations.

TeddyBeans · 13/09/2020 13:40

I gave my son his dad's surname and then he left me 15 months later. I don't love DS any less because he has his dad's surname and it doesn't make me any less his mother 🤷‍♀️ I don't get why people are so incensed by it

itsjakeandamy · 13/09/2020 13:39

I have to say that if I see a mum's surname different from her children I don't bat an eyelid. If I see a dad's surname different from his children I assume he's not the dad but a stepdad. This might be out of date of me but it's my automatic assumption.
If it was that important to share a surname I think I'd either double barrel it (many of my children's friends did this) or change one of the parents surnames (or both) to match the children - or get married.

Ladedada · 13/09/2020 13:37

I have my baby ex dps surname. I like the traditional sense of having your fathers surname. I got the privilege of carrying my baby and everything that goes with it. I feel like the surname is her fathers privilege.

FishPalace · 13/09/2020 13:36

@FlowerPig

But why? I don't really have intentions to get married (nor do I intend to separate from DP).

Marriages break up all the time, do mums change their children's surnames back to their maiden names then?

I don't get it...

Wise up, OP. Lots of women and the vast majority of professionals don't change their name on marriage, and either give their children their surname, or both their surname and their husband's. DS has both of our names.

Also, if you're 'engaged' but have no intention of marrying, what on earth do you think an engagement is?

Original poster
FlowerPig · 13/09/2020 13:31

But why? I don't really have intentions to get married (nor do I intend to separate from DP).

Marriages break up all the time, do mums change their children's surnames back to their maiden names then?

I don't get it...

OP posts:
Lavenderblues · 13/09/2020 13:27

Unless you're married, I'd give your baby your surname!

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