Giving baby DPs surname

Best solution is give baby your name and then DP takes your surname on marriage. Why over-think it beyond that?

That's the logical answer.

It’s YOUR surname. Why don’t women ever get to own their surnames?! It doesn’t matter who else has it. It’s YOURS and the baby is coming out of YOU!

It's not traditional for unmarried mothers to give their dc a surname that isn't their surname. Quite the opposite. You had to be married. To be recognised as worthy of being bestowed the name of your father.

It sounds like you are definitely sure you want to give the baby your DD's name no matter what. So you should just do it.

There are big disadvantages but at least you know what they are now you've started this thread.

Best solution is give baby your name and then DP takes your surname on marriage. Why over-think it beyond that?

I intend to use dp's surname for baby when he is born. I have kept my ex husbands surname, it's the name I've used longest and the same as the kids but I'm not sure I would feel comfortable using my ex's surname for a baby in a different relationship.

Traditionally if you were not married a baby got the mother's name. I'd stick with that.

I think the male entitlement/expectation that a woman and her children should take his name is massively outdated. Particularly when so many men decide they don't want the responsibility after all. But they'll insist on the "ownership" anyway of their name.

With hindsight, I wish I had never changed my name and that I had shared it with my children. Bloodline is maternal.

Of course, we all (most of us?) got our names from our fathers. But still, I think it's patriarchal bullshit.

Have you spoken to your dp about it?

My dc both have my surname as their last middle name. It certainly doesn't sound like a forename!
When the baby is here, will you be taking leave from work? Will your partner? Will one of you work part time, or limit your promotion search to closer to home?
It is usually the woman who does those things, if you split and aren't married you are entitled to nothing more than share of possessions and child support. If I split with dh I would be able to claim some of his pension and a full division of assets.
I hope we never split, but I want to be protected if we do.

See how accustomed most people are to this abject and unnecessary sexism. It’s 2020 FFS.

I'm due in a couple of weeks. DP and I are engaged but I won't change my surname when we marry. Baby is having both, with no hyphen.

You could change your name to dps if you wanted to all have the same without marriage and want dc to have his surname

Just put your surname in there somewhere. It doesn't matter if you double, triple barrel it or never use it, but it's there if you or she want to use it.

None of us think our relationships are going to end. None of us think our child may never see their dad ever again. Putting your surname in her name gives you and her a connection. If you never need to use that part of her name, great! But surely it's better to have it and not use it than to need it and not have it?

My SIL has given her child my brothers surname with her surname as a middle name. That sounds like a good idea to me.

I always travelled with DDs birth certificate when she was younger and was asked to show it several times.

Be buggered if I would carry and give birth to a child that doesn't have the same name as me.

OP, you don’t get it. But equally, I don’t get why you would automatically give your baby your partners name? Why not yours? And if it’s an equal choice, as it should be - without a cultural bias towards taking the father’s - then yours makes better sense. The baby came out of YOUR body and chances are you will be in that baby’s life for always. And if you’re not intending to get married and change YOUR name (which I wouldn’t - and didn’t - on marriage, but lots do) why would you want your baby to have a different surname to YOU?

Neither of our surnames are middle name material

WTF does that mean?

I deeply regret giving my DD her fathers surname. We weren't married and split when she was 3.

I have made sure she has my surname as 'known as' at school. We hadn't seen her dad for 6 months before she started school so there was no way I was going to be called Mrs BastardEx all the way through her school years.

She has to use her legal surname on official documents, at the Dr, etc. She hates it. I've told her it's up to her whether she wants to change it legally when she's older.

If I had my time over again, and I'd found MN earlier! DD would have my surname.

Also, the minute you give a child a name it is theirs. The marital status of the parents/their choice of surname should make no difference to the child, who’s name should be left alone until they are old enough to decide themselves.

My name is the same as my dad’s just as DH’s surname is the same as his dad’s. But they are our surnames.

Well she doesn't need to have either of your surnames, you could just pick a random one. Its tradition to give the child the same as parents to show which family they are from. Why is your dps family name more important to your child's personal history than yours? What makes his family the real family and yours not?

The tradition for unmarried parents was for children to have the mothers name. This moved to double barrelled or the dads.

I'd double barrel with your name first (unless it sounds better with his first or would give unfortunate initials). If you later get married, all three of you could go with the double barrelled name.